As the Time Draws Near...

...I am beginning to settle in with reality.

I am continually hearing myself say, "I'm ready but I'm not ready." Hopefully, you can understand where I'm coming from. If not...oh well. I don't know how to say it any better.

I am ready:

• for Zoë to arrive
• to be through with swelling, the bruised rib feeling, and the other "lovelies" of pregnancy
• to eat what I want without having to watch it as closely
• to not eat eggs practically EVERY. STINKING. DAY. OF. THE. WEEK. (can you tell I am no egg lover?)
• to have my bodily functions back to myself and not have a little resident who loves to cuddle with my bladder
• to not have so much difficulty swapping sides in bed. Just to roll from left to right feels as though it takes an act of Congress!

I am not ready:

• to completely face this challenge of parenthood. I know no one ever is but right now it seems so very overwhelming especially with certain decisions Ben and I are facing right now. Change seems to permeate my life, even if just the idea of it in a discussion, and frankly I'm beginning to get quite mad at God for it (don't worry -I'm discussing it with Him and asking Him to help see me through all this)
• to totally give up the bond of having sweet Zoë inside me. I am most definitely uncomfortable now but I still love being able to feel her movements and know I will miss it even with her in my arms. Men must think we women are C-R-A-Z-Y!
• for the feeling of failing my child, because I know it will come no matter how hard I try to love her God's way. I am human. I will fail. Oh Sweet Jesus, help me to lean on You!
• in the physical, have everything together, car seat installed, all the knick-knacks and odd & ends here and properly stowed away. And NO this is not my "nesting" instinct. This is "Megan likes to have everything together and organized 98% of the time" (who knows what my nesting instinct will look like considering I stay on top of most everything...I'll probably re-clean everything a 3rd and 4th time. HA!).

That is about where I am living right now, amidst the crazies of my work schedule. I am ever so thankful I have a wonderful hubby who is willing to sacrifice to work hard so I can stay home with our child. What a huge blessing! This means that possibly in 3 weeks or less I will no longer be working in corporate America but fully employed house-wife. Holy smackers! Time is ticking away...