I could also title this post "Mom Is Only Capable of Keeping Us Alive Right Now". As witnessed by the lack of blogging these days. Though we are thoroughly exhausted, I can't blame it on a child who isn't sleeping: she is already sleeping through the night and I'm getting to go to bed, usually no later than 11:30 as I give her a dream feed somewhere between 10 and 11.
I had every intention of getting Zoë's 2 year old post up no long after we went for her check-up, as it was already several weeks past her birthday, but that just didn't happen. (As I type this, I'm reminded of how much I enjoy feeling the weight of the keys give to the pressure of my finger...I gotta get back into some of my "loves" so it's more than pure survival over here...) However, all that being said, I am okay with the fact I am only able to keep myself, a two year old, and an infant alive at this time. I know the time like this is short lived in the grand scheme of things and when I look back, I want to be able to have no regrets when it comes to my children. And so blogging, amidst a plethora of other activities, have fallen on the back burner for the time being.
Anyway, this post is about the little cutie patootie pictured. The girl who has turned my world upside down and left me not wanting it righted.
I seriously cannot believe we are full on into the throws of toddlerhood. She didn't need to hit two for me to say that, either. And while the days are long, the nights are short, the years seem to be slipping through my fingers and all I can hope is that if she can remember this time in her life, she will be left with many happy memories over my many failures which seem to creep up on an almost consistent basis.
My Sweet Zoë,
Life seems to be moving so, so fast. Too fast for me to even remember writing down some of the amazing parts of life you are learning. For instance, just two nights ago, as we were sitting in the rocker talking (When did you get big enough to have a mini sized conversation?!), you formed a 5 word sentence properly. It was a cute one too. (Well, I think almost everything you do is cute.) But, honestly, it really was and yet I can't remember what you said for the life of me.
These past couple weeks have been rough as you've needed Mommy a lot, and in my exhaustion, I have become highly irritable. While my heart hurts when I don't love you the best way I can and I fall short of the way you need, I am able to catch small glimpses of the HUGE personality you have: you are so quick to forgive with a kiss on my cheek, sometimes even snuggling into me as if to say "It's going to be ok." And it will. We survive. We start afresh the following day. But it doesn't take away me wondering at times how we will survive these rough years of your discovering and testing the boundaries.
Oh, how you love to test the limits! Your will is strong. While I am grateful you have a strong will, because it will mean you are going to assert yourself, I also find myself on my knees asking God to help me mold that will so it is used for greater purposes than self. For the time being, there are many times you get this lovely little gleam in your eye as if to say, "Do you really mean what you're telling me?"
You LOVE to play! You pretend play a lot these days; one of your favorite activities is talking on the phone. And though I don't get to talk to her much, you're favorite person to call is Aunt Sarah. I'll be in the kitchen, turn to check on you, and see this scene unfold: you pick up the phone, place it to your ear, and say, "Hello, Aunt Sarah!" You'll then start walking around the living room and tell her a few things, most of which I can't make out, and finish with "Good-bye!" and shut your phone.
You have also mastered the art of stacking several blocks, putting shapes into the shape sorter, imagining certain shapes out of almost anything (and sometimes even I can see the shape you're depicting), singing several songs - Jesus, Loves Me, Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, ABCs, Old McDonald, Skidamarink (You call it Dink a Dink), The Bare Necessities (Just the beginning; you call it Bare Cessities) -, and climbing up and down stairs.You also are enthralled with everything silly. This is nothing new, however. You have loved to make people laugh and searched to find or make something, anything, funny for a long time. And the way you go about this changes as you get older. But whichever way you can capture the attention of those around you and engage them in laughter, you will find it and then repeat it until it no longer works.
And you are possessing the role of big sister like a champ! You absolutely love to help with anything related to Aubrey and, though I'm only guessing off of how you act, I'm pretty sure you can't wait for her to grow up so you guys can play together. You want to share everything with her. You even want to share your food with her. (Thankfully, you are starting to wrap your mind around the concept she's too little for many of the things you love and want to share.)
I am so thankful for you, Zoë! And so, so glad I get to call you mine!!