!mpact: Great Leadership Changes Everything [Book Review & Giveaway]

I might have been a little crazy when I signed up to review a book last month. Let me remind you: I am in the throws of raising a two year old and I have an infant. (Thus the lack of activity with random frequent posts.) But I just couldn't pass the opportunity up to review a book on a topic as old as time and which will be around as long as the Earth still spins on it's current axis: leadership.

Sometimes we talk about it bluntly. Other times we seem to be talking about nothing in particular, yet leadership really is weaved into the fibers of the conversation. Yet, whether out in the open or under cover, many of us are always searching for ways to make a lasting impact. And we want to avoid the horrid mistakes of leaders whose demise has flashed all over every form of media we have. Honestly, I feel I am daily in a position where my leadership is challenged and will affect the future for better or worse (aka parenting).

In his book Impact, Dr. Tim Erwin discusses how "in the pursuit of making an impact, we inevitably collide with barriers" (p. 7). He delves deep into what is so different about the leaders who have risen to the top, only to fall, and those who have left a powerful legacy behind. And he acknowledges a fact many wish to ignore: we are all capable of leaving a powerful legacy or of shattering any hope of ever making a mark on society worthy of accolades.

With that point in mind, Erwin dissects his thesis: every human has a core and it's from the core we lead. Thus the book focuses on maintaining the integrity of the core. But he writes in such a way it captures your attention. There are so many stories throughout it hits home on a personal level. I even found myself grateful for the many tips he gives and wanting to share them with those around me in an effort to maintain a strong core.

I'm  not usually one to read books on leadership, especially considering they usually focus so much on being in a coroporate work environment, and while Erwin's overall tone is for the corporate world, I still found I could relate to it and use it within my own profession of mothering. Will some of it need to be adapted to my particular situation? Of course! However, I don't know of a single self-help or business, as in this case, book which may need some minor adaptations to perfectly fit into the situation you're if you are not the bulls eye audience. Though, I did find what he wrote related well to my past experiences with a corporate job in a medical facility, which left me enjoying what I read and thinking everyone, no matter what their vocation, should take time to read Impact.

(I know I kept it short and sweet, but I honestly I didn't want to give away too much as Erwin says it much better than I would.)

As I read, I was constantly contemplating a question I was asked to ponder by the sponsor for the giveaway: "Do parents make a difference in preparing their children for the workplace?"

I whole heartedly believe the answer is "YES!" We have the ability to take time to help our children learn solid character qualities. We are in a position to teach our children integrity or deceit, laziness or diligence. We train our children how to handle social interaction. We help our children to believe they should only try so hard because their is only so far they can go or the sky's the limit. And all of it plays into how they will do in the work place, whatever that may mean for them.

Now, on to your chance to win a copy! (Yay!)

I have one copy of IMPACT: Great Leadership Changes Everything to give away. The giveaway is open to US residents with a physical address (no P.O. boxes, sorry!) age 18 and up. It begins today, Friday, April 25th CST, and will close on Thursday, May 8 CST. The only mandatory entry for the giveaway is to leave a blog comment; I would love if you'd answer the same question I was asked: "Do parents make a difference in preparing their children for the workplace?" The winner will be randomly selected via random.org. They will be announced in an addendum at the top of this post within 48 hours of the giveaway's close. I will also contact them via e-mail. (Please ensure you use a valid, working e-mail address to enter with when you comment and/or leave your e-mail address in your comment.) The winner will have 48 hours to contact me via e-mail at mylifestidbits@gmail.com to claim their prize. I will need the winners full name and physical  address to forward to the giveaway sponsor so they can mail the winner their prize. For any other information regarding giveaways hosted on my blog, please visit the official giveaway page.

Happy reading!

Disclosure (in accordance with the FTC's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising"): Many thanks to Propeller Consulting, LLC for providing this prize for the giveaway. Choice of winners and opinions are 100% my own and NOT influenced by monetary compensation. I did receive a sample of the product in exchange for this review and post. Only one entrant per mailing address, per giveaway. If you have won the same prize on another blog, you are not eligible to win it again. Winner is subject to eligibility verification.

Trapped

I apparently have a theme going on in my life. I wrote a post about how I feel stuck on Monday.

Though the reasoning behind that post is different from what I'm feeling right now, I feel trapped. Trapped with thoughts in my head to which I am unable to put words or even completely give life to them so they are more than a blur.

And it's almost leaving me gasping for air.

Maybe one day soon I will be able to sort it out and give life to whatever is going on up there in my mind. Until then, I will be working to figure it out so I can feel free.

*Side note: For those of you who have been wondering when it will post, Aubrey's birth story is slated to be on the blog this Friday!*

Today May Be the Death of Me

Those were words I typed into my facebook status just last week. Words which didn't really hit me any particular way as they flew out from under my fingers.

It really was a rough day. I honestly thought if I wasn't careful that day could see me dead at the end of it. (Gee those last words aren't pretty to admit, but there really are days like that around here. Those days, thankfully, generally remind me of my great need for a Savior.) And while I wish I could say I typed those words out hoping they would offer some consolation to other moms who have had or were experiencing a similar day, I was truly selfishly thinking of myself, complaining to everyone of my current misery while simultaneously reaching out for any life saving device that could be thrown my way so as I didn't end up anywhere near headline news.

And though I'm not sure why I did it, at the end of that wearing day, I went back to reread what I wrote. The minute I read it, I was convicted:

I had quickly typed those words out selfishly, when in actuality, my faith necessitates this of me. Daily.

"Then Jesus said to His disciples, 'If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.'"

Matthew 16:24, 25 (also see Mark 8:34, 35, and Luke 9:23, 24; they're practically identical)

While the original intent of my words is not what Christ is speaking of, every day should be a metaphorical death of me: a death of me and living for Him and His glory. A death of all the ugly character qualities I possess which rub people the wrong way, even myself at times. A death of using all the "pretty" character qualities I have for my own personal gain. A death of doing what I want for my own personal enjoyment or pleasure.

But I don't wake up reminding myself of what He has called me to.

I don't take time to start my day asking God to help me to die to myself again. continually.

Yet, why am I not? What is holding me back from living sold out to my God who gave everything for me so I might have an eternity with Him?

I'm not saying every Christian you come in contact with will verbally be radical in their faith. I personally believe some have the gift of evangelism while others are not going to show Christ in this manner. But what I am saying, and what I'm confessing I many times become apathetic in, is every Christian you encounter will and should be known by how they love. How they live. The day in and day out choices made.

And so while my original meaning of that statement was of a literal, physical death surrounded by pure selfishness, I hope to change the saying a bit and find it has become something with a whole new meaning.

How would I change it?

Today is the death of me.

Stuck

At least, that is how I feel at the time being. Not that it's a bad thing; honestly, I'm such a home body, not leaving my home doesn't bother me a great deal.

Except when I feel like I'm trapped.

And right now, I'm trapped. Trapped by my lack of knowledge of how to successfully get 3 human beings out of the house before lunch or nap or, in the matter of a newborn, time to nurse. Not that I don't nurse with a cover in public. If you ran into me when our little family of four went grocery shopping this past week, you would have found me roaming Sam's and Walmart with a nursing cover on.

My problem is even if I wake before the girls, I somehow don't get enough of my own stuff done so that once Zoë has finished breakfast, and Aubrey nursing, we can skidaddle out the door.

So if you need me, I'm most likely occupying some space in my home. And unless I'm calling for help, don't worry about me. Just pray that I'm not forgetting some important aspect of caring for my home...like making sure we have food for the week. :)

It's back...

...and I'm not so sure how I feel about it.

While I'm not complaining it's back, because it definitely is one of those "blessing in disguise" situations, I am praying against it helping in the undoing of my nerves. Which are worn thin from lack of sleep.

I'm aware those last two sentences seem like I'm complaining. I really am not. They are sheer fact in this household running on few hours of sleep. That is all. I promise.

And now I'm realizing I've left you in the dark.

What exactly is back? you ask.

Well, I did a small search of my blog and while I'm not sure I shared this craziness when Zoë was just a wee babe (my lordy I am no fan of how quickly she is growing! By no means is she passed the stage where I can call her a tot, but she really isn't much of a baby at all anymore. In fact, she adamently tells me she isn't one if I ask her "Are you my baby?"), I can asure you: we lived through it with Zoë and I'm reliving it with Aubrey:

phantom crying

And while I am ever grateful the true crying seems to be very minimal right now, starting because I think I hear Aubrey crying...man, that just undoes me. I'm not sure why.

Maybe because the phantom baby cries like something horrible is happening to it.

Maybe it's because the worry every mom has (yes, I'm about to vastly generalize but I'm pretty sure every mom has the worry I'm about to mention.) of whether her baby is really sleeping in their bed or something has gone horribly wrong is playing tricks on my mind.

Maybe it's because I'd almost rather it be real crying I could do something about rather than these purely mentally subconcious cries I have no control over at all, except for to remind my mind they aren't real, they're in my head. (ummm...do I sound crazy? Please don't send me to the psych ward. I'm just running on low sleep.)

But whatever it is, my nerves almost start pumping adrenaline and have me feeling like I could run a marathon in 7 minutes. And while I know I can't run that fast, period, I definitely wish I could get the extra energy it gives me on a constant pump. Without the low it also produces after the effect.

So is anyone with me? Please tell me I'm not the only mom or caretaker of an infant who has experienced this phenomenon. Because if I am, well...then maybe I do need to be seen by my doctor so I can avoid the mental ward.

Because I'm hearing it...again.

Pondering Birth

*NOTE: This post was supposed to be scheduled to publish on 2/4/14. Somehow, I messed up and must have only saved it, not published with a scheduled time. So, this was finished before Aubrey's birth, but not published until after :)*

What do you do when you're almost full term (and I mean the full 40 weeks) and you're restless?

I would guess there are a vast array of answers to that question as different as every woman who has ever been there. It also depends on whether or not you have loads of time to ponder in the middle of the night because you get up so much and it takes time to get comfortable and fall back asleep every time. (I like to hope this is preparing me for life with a newborn, but let's face it: life with a newborn is way more draining than having to wake up to use the bathroom 7 times in the middle of the night. You can almost stay asleep. Almost.)

Being I am one of the latter, I have had way too much time to ponder way too many thoughts. Some of them are great learning tools in trusting God's sovereignty over every. single. situation. Some of them have been great tools in building my confidence in choices Ben and I have made throughout this pregnancy different from the pregnancy with Zoë. Thankfully, either way, I have been learning from everything which happens to cross my mind at 2 in the morning, and other times throughout the day, and not found myself stressed out from thoughts which could completely overwhelm me.

One place my mind keeps going is our decision to have an unmedicated birth. If you have been following me for a while, you are probably familiar with Zoë's birth story. If not, then you know I had gone in hoping for an unmedicated birth, but looking back there was a lot I didn't do to prepare, I assumed my OB was on my side as far as letting my body do what it was designed to, and found myself thinking if I had it to do all over again, I would do it differently next time.

Don't get me wrong, Zoë's birth story is beautiful in that God graciously bestowed on me a healthy, vibrant baby girl. Yet, likely for many reasons though I've yet to fully explore every thought I've had about her birth, I was left wanting after her birth story. I have also had some issues from decisions made during her birth which possibly could have been completely avoided. I say possibly because even when you have an unmedicated birth there are chances some of my "problems" could occur. However, the percentage of said issues is much lower and I would rather know I did everything in my power to prevent them rather than wonder if I would have them had I let my body be.

I am also not one to tell everyone I think they're (fill in the blank) for choosing to have an epidural or whatever choices they decide to make with their birth experience(s). Yes, I have an opinion about unmedicated birth and why I personally believe it is best for both mother and baby, but I do not judge those who decide to make a different decision for themselves and their baby.

However, I do find myself wondering if I will really stick through an entire labor choosing to allow my body to do everything on it's own with no medicine for pain. I wonder if I will throw in the towel somewhere close to the end. There is still fear I may end up with a doctor or nurse who pushes pain medicines or runs to interventions. (Dear Lord, please let my OB be the one over my entire labor and birth!)

I have been asked so many times if I had had an unmedicated birth before. I have been thrown looks of "You're crazy!" or heard statements which were meant to be encouraging yet all I heard was "Yeah..you're likely going to want the epidural again."

It has been a rare instance to run into someone who has chosen unmedicated birth. (I have met several people who weren't planning on it but their labor was so short they didn't have a choice.) It has been an even more rare occurrence to meet someone who hasn't chosen the unmedicated route but who doesn't throw a stone at my decision. (And last I checked, you may think I'm crazy or simply differ in opinion, but when it comes to me, the only opinion that matters here is mine. <- Can you hear a bit of my frustration? haha.)

All of this just to say I often wonder what the final outcome of this will be. And honestly, I wonder how much I will care what really happens in the end because the closer little Aubrey's due date comes the more I just want to hold my rainbow baby in my arms. To hear "IT'S A GIRL!" and simultaneously find out she is healthy. To be able to say God has fully lavished blessing upon blessing in bestowing another life, this one living and breathing this side of Heaven, into my arms.

Thoughts on Marriage and Counseling

So I had mentioned in one of my more recent bumpdates how the highlight of my week was a marriage clinic Ben and I went to.

While I'm not about to get into specifics of what exactly went on during our time, I will say there was much learned we both felt was a tremendous help in making sure we have a solid foundation to build on. Something about our time also started the wheels spinning as far as how people view marriage counseling or seminars.

Honestly, this is a vast generalization I'm about to put out there, but I hear it all the time in many different ways:

"Oh, we're good! We don't need counseling."

"Well, we/he/she/I would never do ___________."

"We don't have problems."

"They went to counseling?! Gee I didn't know they were so far gone."

The statements I've heard are numerous. They all run along the same lines: our marriage is good, thank you! We don't need help. And counseling is only for those who are completely gone.

However, if there is one belief I have about counseling and marriage, which was solidified by our three days to work on what we have, it is this: whether so far gone you're ready to call it quits or living on one of the beautiful plateus marriages have, there is always something to work on and always  something new you can learn to strengthen your marriage. And counseling is both for the good times and the "HELP! We're drowning!" times.

Yet many people can't even muster the courage to say they need or want or went to counseling. It's like this massive elephant in the room whereupon anyone who finds out they had to "succumb" to counseling will no longer be their friend or pity them. The lens through which counseling, really for anything, is viewed is rarely a positive one.

My heart hurts just thinking about it. Partially because of empathy, but more so because the three days Ben and I spent working on our relationship has brought us closer than I think we've ever been in our 4 years together, 3 years of marriage. We learned are continuing to make a communication model taught during the clinic a habit. We were given tools to help us be at our healthiest spiritually and emotionally. We were given insights into one another to help us understand where the other is coming from so the playing field is even.

At the end of it all, much is left to our choices. We can't be forced to continue what we were taught in those three days. We could choose to leave everything taught us behind. We could choose to see counseling as only for those who are ready to abandon ship.

Then we would have missed out on the awesome opportunity placed before us.

Without rambling any longer, I say all of this to encourage anyone who wants to get married, is engaged, or is already married: counseling is one of the best ways to make sure the foundation of your marriage is solid to build on. Every marriage will have it's times where a crack needs to be fixed. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage because we are all broken people, but what there can be is a marriage willling to always face the hard parts as well as the blessed parts of the relationship so that it may thrive in a world where many circumstances strive to destroy a beautiful relationship. So whether there is a crack needing repair or a desire to keep a good foundation strong, I encourage you to see counseling as a great support to keep a strong foundation.

Always Needed Reminder

This is, by far, more for me than it may be for you. But life has been crazy these past few weeks. There are many opportunities to slip into depression. And when I woke this morning, God graciously gave me a reminder, funny enough a verse my husband and I were discussing yesterday morning before he left for work. If you're stuck in a down place, a hard place, anything which seems too much to bear, I hope this will flood your heart and mind with peace as it is mine. Of course, I'm constantly whispering it to myself as stress and emotions try to overwhelm me.

2 Corinthians 12:9 NASB

And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

A quick thought I've had on this verse: many times we think of this verse as only talking about those areas we think of ourselves as weak. But honestly, any time we are more than joyful, any time we are struggling with some aspect of our broken world, whether we caused the struggle, were a mere character in the middle of someone elses', or dealing with the "normal" of our broken world (pain, sickness, death, etc.) is a weakness showing our desperate need for an almighty, all-loving, all-knowing Savior.

God's Grace Never Ends [Frankly Friday v. 10]

Grace, grace, God's grace,

grace that will pardon and cleanse within;

grace, grace, God's grace,

grace that is greater than all our sin!

I cannot get the refrain for the hymn "Grace Greater Than Our Sin" out of my mind. The theme of grace seems to be coming at me from everywhere. No kidding.

I reviewed a book on grace. (There is still time to enter to win a copy too.) My pastor keeps talking about the topic. I'm currently reading a book on parenting, which though it's really an attachement parenting, secular book, is laced with grace. There are situations Ben and I are facing in which we have felt called to extend grace.

I mean I can't run from it if I wanted to.

(Ok...well I guess I could but then I'd be living in denial. I've been there. I've done that. It ain't pretty, builds a mountain out of a mole hill, and requires a freakin' ton of time to clean up rather than just dealing with it in the beginning. So not worth the time to deny and repair. Plus, I'm not welcoming horrible feelings. I get enough of those without welcoming them considering we live in a broken world.)

One of the most important lessons I am learning about grace came through the connections pastor at our church: Jesus, the ultimate example, never let go of grace or truth. He always had a firm hand on both.

For instance, take the passage of the woman brought before Jesus who was caught in adultery. (John 8:1-11) After all is said and done, Jesus leaves her with these words: "I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more." (John 8:11 NASB) He extends grace by telling her he does not condemn her. (Please note, in biblical times, the Law carried a heavy weight and strictly enforced anyone caught in adultery be put to death. see Leviticus 20:10; Deuteronomy 22:22) This was huge in this time, and Jesus extending grace here speaks, to me, of it being a part of His nature. However, He completes His statement by telling her to turn from her sin: He holds fast to truth as well.

While the Law/Truth shows us our desperate need for grace, Grace sets us free to live knowing we cannot be perfect but produces a desire to strive to live rightly.

I don't know about you, but I think I'll be chewing on what my pastor said for a long time. I'm still processing it, struggling with it, wondering how on earth I will ever embody that statement at all. I know of my own accord it will not happen.

Oh, praise Jesus for the Spirit at work constantly in me!

Because I'm still thinking on, processing, chewing, mulling over this vastly incomprehensible yet partially understood concept, I don't know I have much more I have to share. I do want to share a note I jotted in my journal, something I feel God whispered to my spirit as I was reading One Way Love by Tullian Tchividjian:

I [God] never stop extending grace; the invitation is always open, always available, never expires. I will discipline sin in those whom I call My children [Hebrews 12:6] but I have never said, nor will I ever say, "You sinned too much: My grace is no longer for you, available to you." It completely contradicts the very work of the Cross, the work which I sent My Beloved Son to complete, and My very nature."

Umm...WOW! I still read what resonated in my spirit and find myself in complete awe. It makes me wonder if I've ever really allowed myself to feel the full extent of His grace. After all, I am constantly aware of my struggle to perform to please Him.

Last I checked, doing is fruit, not an "A+ you get in" card. "For it is by GRACE you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9, emphasis added) A verse well known, yet I'm curious how many of us actually live basking in that truth.

Grace: it will wreck your world, in the best possible way...at least, it's wrecking mine, but I'm feeling the call to press in, not run from it: a holy wrecking.

9/11: May We Never Forget

[image source]

I will never forget that day. Where I was: Sophomore year of high school American History - first period. What I was doing: taking notes as my teacher lectured. And how when we found out one of the World Trade Centers had been hit by a plane, we stopped what we were doing, and turned on the radio. Shortly after we found out our Librarian had turned on the Library TV. It was just down the hall. So we left to watch the news.

I watched live coverage of the second tower being hit. I was in so much shock I just stared, face in my hands, dumbfounded at the screen.

I really don't have words.

It still catches my throat and brings tears to my eyes.

What I can say is I hope we never forget the bravery of men and women who gave their lives that die. May we never forget how police officers, fire fighters, first responders didn't bail on their job that day, many giving their lives. May we never forget the "average" citizen who fought against the terrorism that day. May we never forget the event that affected so many families, causing them to lose loved ones.

And may it evoke within us a sense of pride for our nation, doing everything in our power to help keep it strong, to maintain the freedom that so many have fought and died for so that we might enjoy.

Never forget.

A Verse to Share

I don't have much to say on the verse I want to share. I'm sure I've read this verse before but it really struck a cord in my heart this time as I read it. It spoke straight to my heart because it so clearly states that which I want to do daily.

And actually, though I'm behind, by several verses (I posted 10 out of 12 verses that I've memorized alongside other Siestas [this link explains it in one of the right-side drop downs] who commited to memorizing scripture this year), I want to get back on track of memorizing scripture. I want my life to be permeated by the word from the Word and the Father. So I am commiting to again memorizing scripture.

Will I acheive the 24/24 I had originally intended? Only time will tell, but my main goal is to seek to deepen my relationship with Christ by consistenly hiding His word in my heart, mind, and soul.

Now without further delay...

"You shall follow the Lord your God and fear Him; and you shall keep His commandments, listen to His voice, serve Him, and cling to Him."

Deuteronomy 13:4 NASB

Mourn With Those Who Mourn

*I am forgoing my regular Monday post this week. My heart has been heavy with what I'm going to share in this post. As such, I felt led to skip the post for this week and will bring it back next week.*

Well, the title the last half of Romans 12:15 in the NIV translation:

"...mourn with those who mourn."

I personally like the NASB translation:

"...and weep with those who weep."

Though, I will say that for once I like how The Message puts it in plain English:

"...share tears when [your friends] are down."

I share the different translations of this verse because my heart has been heavy. So very heavy that, though my friends who are struggling with the reason I shed tears are at least 5 hours away, I have been sad, shedding tears, and fervently praying that God would hear their cries. And sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy for feeling this way over a situation that I have never been through, but then I'm reminded by scripture that we are supposed to enter into our friends pain just as much, if not more so, their joys.

And so I have allowed myself to mourn for my friends who are battling the tough, no-known-end road of infertility. I have found my heart screaming out to God, begging that He might work a miracle in favor of their deep desires to be a Mommy. I have wished I lived closer to each one so that I could just be there for them, listen to them vent whatever emotions they are feeling, which may very well be anger or jealousy of friends who aren't walking that road, cry with them if they are needing to cry from the sorrow the painful journey brings, because even though I cannot understand, I most certainly am able to let them find a healthy outlet for their emotions in being their friend and listening ear, as well as do my best to empathize with them. 

The word empathy is defined by Merriam-Webster as follows:

1. the imaginative projection of a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it
2. the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this

After reading that definition, it clearly describes what Romans 12:15 calls us to do. For anyone, in any situation.

*sigh*

I'm sort of speechless...wordless.

My heart just hurts. I fervently hope for those who are battling the road of infertility to see an end of it with the miracle of a child.

I share this because I think we all need to be sensitive to where those around us are in life.

Are they hurting? Mourn with them. Comfort them if the situation calls for it, but know that sometimes, many times comfort comes most through a hug or shared tears.

Are they joyful? Enter into their joy with them, even if you are battling feelings of jealousy or covetousness because of whatever is bringing them joy.

Are they angry? Allow them to feel that anger, to wade through it so that they can dig into the hurt that is causing the anger

Whatever they are feeling, enter into it with them.

That is being a friend.

Our Weekend [4 Days Late...again - Ha!]

You guys, my brain won't stop spinning. There are some heavy topics on my heart and mind right now. But I'm still wading through them. Trying to decide whether to share or if they are for my heart alone at this time.

Since I'm unsure if I should wade those waters with everyone or just with God, I'm going to give a quick synapses of our Labor Day weekend. It was really nice. so cram packed with activities and people I didn't get a nap and I just realized how large the bags under my eyes were in my bumpdate picture for this week. We enjoyed ourselves, don't get me wrong, but there was a moment I woke up on the way home to Ben batting his eyes, so I slapped him. (Please understand, I don't walk around hitting my husband. This man sleeps like a log thus it was the only way I knew to get him to open and keep open his eyes.) Just sayin' - that sort of gives a picture of how busy and sleepy we were all weekend. (Ummm...Ben wasn't sleepy until he sat down, however, I almost fell asleep standing up a couple of times.)

Anyway...

I don't have a ton of pictures to share, because our camera was forgotten when we went to meet with friends Sunday for lunch and packed Sunday evening, again with friends, and then Monday when we were with Ben's family. However, I did capture Zoë's first time feeding the ducks:

That Goose...oh, that Goose! Thankfully all it did was hiss, but you better believe I would have tried to smack it if it came any closer. 

I love that Zo-bug was able to experience baby ducks in her first feeding experience. So CUTE!

My precious sweet bug! She LOVED it so much!

Mama with her babies :)

Zoë with her Gigi and Daddy feeding the ducks.

Uncle Jacob is the best :) (I didn't get any with Aunt Laura. BOO!! :( ) They pointed to ducks. Zoë wanted to get in the water too! Ha!

Attempting to wriggle out of his arms for a dip. See those rosy cheeks? It was H-O-T!!

We laughed when we first got to the lake because before we could get out, the ducks were waddling to our car. Our car, you guys! They know what people mean. HAHA!

The rest of Saturday was spent with some of my side of the family. I was so glad to be able to see my Great Uncle and Aunt as well as my Grandmother. I unfortunately forgot the camera while they were there so I didn't get any pics of Zoë with her Great-Great Uncle & Aunt or her Great-Grandmother. :/

Zoë did have plenty of time to experiment with climbing stairs. By the time nap time was coming around on Saturday (so all of a half-day, mind you), she had figured out how to get up to the 3rd step.

She decided one of her shoes needed to be up a step :)

However, by the time she reached that step, she'd also realized just how sleepy she was and figured she might rest her head a little:

My cutie patootie

The rest of our afternoon was spent taking Zoë outside, hanging out, eating Cane's (YAY! The closest one here is about 30 minutes away, BOO!), and playing Settlers of Catan. (If you've never played, it seriously is one of the best games ever!) I did happen to catch a quick snapshot of my brother with his niece :)

Ride a horsy, ride a horsy, ride to town....

We also saw a frog while we were playing settlers. I'm not sure why, but I think frogs (not toads, please do not get those confused. Toads are gross.) are so stinkin' cool!

I have to say the weird capture of my reflection added a unique touch to this photo. Ha!

Laura, my sister, tried to catch it, but it was a fast frog :( No froggy capture for us.

Sunday we spent time with some of Ben's best friends, people he's remained friends with from High School. We enjoyed our time, headed back to my parent's for a quick nap, and the packed up to go hang out with more friends.

I have to say as great as Sunday evening was with our friends, it made me really sad that we had to leave our small group. I loved the small group we had back in Baton Rouge. Such a great group of genuine, Christ-seeking people. I have hope to find such here, we're already making connections, but I just was reminded of what we already had and were building that we have to rebuild here.

You guys, I had been in Baton Rouge a little over 4 years to get to that point. Relationships, especially Christ-centered and edifying ones, don't just happen over night. They take time. Lots and lots and lots of TIME. *sigh* I digress.

After group we headed to Ben's parents house where we spent some time with his parents and older sister before bed. (Ben's brother-in-law wasn't able to be there due to being on call for his job that weekend.) By 9 we hit the sack. Ben and I were both suffering from horrible allergies and had taken Benadryl. I don't think you could have woke Ben if the house was burning down. And it took me hearing a baby crying for a while before I bolted, with heart racing, wondering if I had missed my child crying for a while. (Zo-bug was has been teething for a while now and that night was no different. Poor baby :( )

Monday was spent getting ready, letting the kids play, and then we headed out to meet Ben's Aunts for lunch at Cracker Barrel. I'm not a huge fan, but I figured since that's where they picked and they had a wide variety of food, it would allow everyone to order something they liked. Though our time with them was short, we really enjoyed the time we were able to spend with them.

Sort of off topic, I wish I would have remembered to snap a picture of the adorable bag one of Ben's Aunts embroidered for Zoë. I would totally have her embroider stuff for the next baby if we didn't live so far away. I may still considering I know I will get great work from her. If you live in the Baton Rouge area, I would totally recommend her. Feel free to contact me and I can give you her e-mail she uses to be in touch with clients.

All in all, it was a weekend full of memories even though I am still catching up on sleep. Ha! Our time was definitely worth it.

Frankly Friday [v. 9]

(Linking up wtih Amy from Taking Steps Home) :)

Let me be honest up front: if you have had a miscarriage or are TTC and traveling the journey of infertility, this post may be difficult for you to connect with. However, I want to remain a open with my readers as possible and because this is what has been playing in my mind a lot lately, I felt the need to hash it out, even if only for myself.

For those of you who are new here, I had a miscarriage back in March. (You can read all the posts I've written regarding this here.) Though that baby was a complete surprise and the timing of everything wouldn't have been so great, I had already experienced the blessing of a God-planned baby rather than my own. And I still can't imagine life without my little Zoë. (Who isn't so little anymore. :/)

Thus I quickly accepted the new life within me. I readily embraced it. I had my moments where fear tried to take hold of me, but I chose to cling to the truth of Psalm 127:3-5, "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies at the gate."

And then I lost the baby at 7 weeks.

I was devastated. Shocked. Angry.

There were so many emotions that encompassed the loss of the little life within me. Even to the point that I almost didn't want to think about getting pregnant again. I didn't want to resurface the discussion Ben and I had been having before we found out we were pregnant - trying to maybe get pregnant closer to the fall. The fear of losing another baby was too real, too raw. And I knew all too well how much control I had over whether I would be pregnany full term or not - none. Nada. Zip.

That thought made me toy with the idea of never trying to conceive again.

And then, we were slightly surprised to find out we were pregnant. Again.

And though I slowly found myself warming to the idea of welcoming our 3rd into our family, I found some other strange emotions floating around in my head and heart.

For a while I couldn't quite put my finger on them, but the more I tried to figure it out, the more I realized what it was. And I found myself a little shocked, but at the same time sort of not, with what I was feeling: I wasn't completely ready to embrace the life I'm currently carrying because I still wanted to be carrying the one I was supposed to greet come November.

Maybe I'm alone in feeling this. Maybe someone who has had the same happen with them can relate. And because of some comments I've heard from others who have miscarried and then welcomed a life that was conceived not long after the miscarriage, I am hopeful that in time the Lord will help me to see the full beauty of the short life of my child born to heaven on March 20, 2013. I am hopeful that He will allow me to completely embrace this child growing within me.

But for the time being, I frequently find myself wishing I was further along. Wishing that I could know the child who I shared my body with for only a short amount of time.

While I really do find myself wishing that, I simultaneously hate myself because it means that I'm subconciously wishing away the life that I've begun to feel move within me. It makes me feel heartless.

But in reality, I wish that I could know, here on this earth, both babies. (No...I'm not asking for twins. The idea of two complete infants at the same time scares the patooties out of me.) Maybe that's why I find myself wishing that I was still pregnant with our second, because something in me thinks that if I was, then after that baby was born, I would later become pregnant with the one I'm currently carrying.

Yet, I am not God. I have no idea if that's really how it would work.

And in the midst of all these crazy jumbled thoughts I'll realize that by dwelling on this desire, I'm losing opporunity to pray for the life currently in me. I'm missing out on the opportunity to connect and care for my Little Bean right now. I missing out on praying that God would allow this child to be used for His glory and that part of that would be this LB would come to know Him at an early age.

My dwelling on the past and feeding on the desire for it to be different steals from the here and now. It doesn't allow me to fully depend on God. It keeps me from enjoying and seeing God working in my life now. It also doesn't allow me to see how He has worked in my life in the past. Nor does it help me to look to the future with the hope I have of eternity with Him.

It is a tactic straight from the pit of hell. And at times, though I hate to admit it, it has fully worked.

This isn't the only situation this has or can be used in. Really, anything we face that has a similarity to the past can find you in this place. Sometimes there don't even have to be similarites to find yourself wishing that wherever you are in life was a little different.

However, I hope that I'm learning and will store away the lessons I'm learning from this situation: you should learn from the past, but once you've learned what you can from them, that is as far as it should go. Trying to change the story that God is weaving will only leave you missing out on the now and missing out on being in the center of His will.

I don't know about you, but I really don't want to be anywhere else but the center of His will. Yes, my flesh desires at times to win out and I find myself wanting to just live life how I want, but I've already been there and done that, it is not fulfilling one bit. It is empty. It doesn't leave me with the peace I have when I do choose to whole heartedly seek God. It doesn't give me a heart that is still in the midst of turmoil because I know that when I'm fully seeking God that trials will come but they are a refining tool to make me more into Christ's likeness.

And so I encourage you: seek His face whole heartedly. If you find desires to be other than where you are creeping up, ask Him to change your heart. Ask Him to silence those desires so and to open your eyes to the story He is weaving in your life.

I'm not perfect, but I am hoping that this lesson will never leave the forefront of my mind. Or that when it seems to stray, God quickly brings my mind back to Him and how changing my story is asking to not be in His will.

My High of the Week

Linking up with Amy for her Frankly Friday post. And this week, it's a happy one!


I'm pretty sure that Sunday was my high this week.

Not that the rest of it has been bad. It's just nothing can compare to the wonderful time that I had with three of Ben's Aunts and his cousin who were in town. Thus, we were able to visit. (Well, his cousin and her family live about 30 minutes from us when there is no traffic, but still...we don't get to see each other too often.)

I was so excited that they contacted us to let us know they would be in and wanted to get together with us. Both Ben and I always enjoy their company; frankly, I wish they would all move to Texas. (Let's face it, unless we absolutely have to, neither of us ever want to call Louisana home again. We love Texas. Not the heat, but whatever!) Well, ok we'd just love to have them around all the time. I couldn't honestly make them move with the possiblity of us ever moving up to NWA to be closer to my older sister and her family and my Uncle Paul and his family.

(Yep. I'm fine staying in Texas and the only reason I would hope we'd ever leave this state is because Ben's job moved us right down the road from my older sister. Then all the March-Daigle cousin's could play together! And get in trouble together...yikes!)

Anyway, Zoë was able to play with her second cousin, Hudson, who is a little stud! I mean seriously you guys, can it get any cuter than this:

Those blue eyes with that blonde hair kill me. Ben and I say he's going to be a little heartbreaker!

She also spent time with each of her Great Aunts, though I was terrible and didn't get a picture of her with each of them :/ Bummer.

Ben's nanny sat and played with the iPhone with her for a while and I was able to snap a pretty darn cute picture of Zoë with Aunt Janell. (Aunt Janell = Ben's Nanny. For the good ol' cajun folk from Louisiana, Nanny is the term for godmother and Paran [pronounced "paw ran"] for godfather.)

It's a little blurry, but it was the best I could get with little squirmy over there.

After all of maybe two minutes, Zoë had the iPhone pulling up Siri and then hiding her. She thought it was great and Aunt Janell made a game of "peek-a-boo" out of it. (Or "pee pie" as she called it and had Zoë saying within all of 5 minutes. Ben had never heard it called that so I found it funny when he was asking. May I say that the reason I found it funny is because I usually can call Ben my walking Encyclopedia. Caught me off guard when he didn't know what "pee pie" was. Also, note that I don't know how to spell it...so I'm spelling it like it's pronounced, thank you very much!) Anyway, they tried to get Zoë to ask Siri a question, to no avail as we're still only in the one-word-at-a-time world.

However, Zoë said "pee pie" to her, and Siri replied, "I don't understand. I will play music for you." Or something to that affect. She promptly started playing whatever country music Aunt Benita had on her phone (I have no clue what it was as I don't generally listen to country.) and Zoë started dancing for everyone. She decided to see if she could get Aunt Louisa to really join in with her and this is what we videoed:

I love how laughter seems to just flow out of Zoë. Not to mention, we were all enjoying the entertainment she was giving us. Oh, and do you see her head of curly, curly hair? It takes a little bit of water (or being outside in the humidity), but after a little playing with it, it looks like that. I'm kind of jealous :)

Anyway, we sat around chatting for a while, just enjoying one another's companies while the not-so-babies played and entertained us.

Then we went to lunch and enjoyed one another's company a little longer before we had to part ways. The kids were getting fussy from being overdue for naps and two of the Aunts were headed back home to Louisiana.

And the time we had with them has just stuck with me for the rest of the week.

Hope you've had something happen that's kept your spirits up this week too! It certainly is a nice treat!

Frankly Friday [v. 8]

Another Frankly Friday with Amy!

This may be a quick post. It may not be.
But I just want to get my thoughts out there after reading the first two books of the Bible, Genesis and Exodus.
As a Christ-follower I frequently hear people say, and I firmly believe, that all of life is about God being glorified. And He will be glorified even if you try to go against His will. (There are several biblical stories as well as many people I have met currently living who are testament to that. Just read Exodus 4-15. That's one of many, with several preceding it.) However, one of the newer lines of thinking I've been introduced to is really trying to see the "God" moments in your life, to see how He is weaving your story even if it feels like maybe He couldn't design it this way or you get lost in your humanness and life is just so good you start taking credit. The bottom line is taking time to see how He is working in your life so that He may be glorified.
Anyway, I had decided recently to try to read through the Bible in a year again. I've done it once and enjoy doing it on occasion just because it gives a big picture rather than taking a small snap shot and focusing on it.
As I've read, I keep seeing how the story really isn't about Adam or Noah or Abraham or any of the other patriarchs or other "main" characters. Really it's all about how God is using those people to Himself be glorified. And I've been blown away. How I've missed this before, I'm not really sure, but it makes even the most boring of texts (read: Leviticus [book of laws] and Numbers [literally a census of the people]) become interesting. I knew before that it was about God, that it really wasn't about these people, though there are lessons we can learn from them, and really about nothing other than Him. But to actually read it in that light, well I'm really enjoying it.
It's refreshing. It's uplifting to my spirit. And I hope that as long as I am able to read, the Bible continues to show me more of how God weaves Himself into every story and is glorified.

Mother

she sits

weary from a long days work

she woke, eyelids heavy

with will to barely prop them open

now she wills herself to look through them

work still waiting

though kids lie fast asleep

bleary eyed

she sits

weary

thankful for mercies anew

oh the moments she'd change!

mulitply the "i love you"s

ask Him bestow gentler tone

enjoy all discoveries new

instruct with loving guidance

she sits

hoping to grasp

if even a single moment

days turn to months

she cannot will time stop

each day seems steal sanity

little by little

yet surely there is a single moment

she sits

reminded faults teach forgiveness

grace and mercy too

finding triumph in the small

place to learn in the failure

knowing strength comes

only in Him

trust only Him

she smiles

all is not lost

weary and tired seem define all

yet there is beauty

He makes all things beautiful in there time

for some moments it is now

so this title comes not effortless

yet a most fulfilling call

she is Mother

____________________

I wrote this simply because I find myself many times wondering how I'm going to make it through each moment - the sticky fingers, the food thrown every where, the sparkling eyes asking "Did you really draw that line?" as a finger reaches out, the fussiness because of teeth cutting, the whining when something doesn't happen how she thinks or wants it to - to live and tell the next. Oh and did I mention that sometimes I completely see the horror of the moms you see on the news flash before my eyes in moments of sheer anger? And I can see me being that mom if I wasn't depending on God and reminding myself that I am the adult, not the child who needs instruction? (Yes. Maybe I am bold for typing that out on here, but my guess is that if you have kids or work with them consistently, some of you can completely relate to this.) Let me be clear that these are only horrid day dreams. I have not and will not, by God's continued grace and practicing healthy anger dispelling techniques, harm my child.

Thankfully, I'm learning to laugh at those moments. And truly see that we all still have that little child inside of us, she just actually acts it out because she knows no better. It helps me to look at it in a different light, sometimes giving me ideas on how to help her learn a different behavior. Or a better way to handle all those crazy emotions that she has yet to know what to do with them.

I also wrote this because I wanted to have a reminder for myself that though the days seem long and nights too short, it will all soon pass away. If I'm not careful to find the beauty in each moment of every day, I'm going to miss out on some of the best memories I could form with my daughter. And if I can't form that habit with the first, I find myself realizing that it will be even more a struggle to enjoy the moments if other little blessings make their way into our home. And if they don't, well then I will have missed out all together on what may be my only child.

Maybe this makes sense. Maybe it doesn't, but I needed to let the words take shape and form, even if it is the roughest poetry.

I sit reminded just how full and fully blessed my life is.

Frankly Friday v. 7

Linking up with Amy for Frankly Friday :)



Ahh. Alas, it is Friday. I'm not even sure why I care because that means nothing to me. I will wake up and be a mommy all over again tomorrow.

Oh wow...I'm kind of complaining about that. Maybe writing a post when my eyes are heavy and my head wishes for a pillow isn't such a great idea. Because truth told, I love being a mommy. I wouldn't trade it for the world. But just like any good ol' job, there are bound to be moments my humanness (is that a word? Oh well...I just made it one if it isn't.) comes out and I complain about the lot I'm living.

Just keepin' it real.

Because something that has crossed my mind a lot lately is how little days of the week, or even holidays for that matter, really mean to me. Typically, if you were to ask me what day it was, I'm not going to know unless I've had a prior engagement or some kind of appointment to keep.

You guys, I'm being so serious that I have a wonderfully, funny story to share with you about July 4th.

Because well, as stated above, days of the week and holidays aren't on my radar on a consistent basis. I guess this means that I'm only going to keep up with Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Other holidays just well, let me tell you my little story.

So it's 5 am on the 4th of July. Ben had been seeming like he was getting sick so I banned him to the couch for the night. We didn't want to risk me getting whatever it was. (Maybe we're weird. We're weird.) Even though I'd banished him from our room, I'd forgotten to turn off the alarm. Why on earth would I want to wake up at 5 if he's not in the room? He's old enough to know to set his phone alaram, right?

Either way, I forgot.

So I got an unwarranted, unwanted wake-up call at 5 am.

Silence from the living room.

I fall back asleep after punching the snooze button.

I wake 10 minutes later to still see pitch black from out my bedroom door. I hear no sounds coming from the bathroom. And I still haven't heard a single sound from the living room.

Being the good wife that I am, I took it upon myself to groggily make my way out of bed and moan at Ben that he should be getting up. Right now! He moaned some response and semi-started moving.

I thought that maybe it was his normal morning slowly waking up routine and frustratingly shuffle back to bed to cozy under the covers and try to enjoy another hour of sleep.

By this point, I've forgotten that I've already reset the snooze on the alarm. And anger ensues the next time it goes off.

I have no. grace. for him now. I move myself to the living room as fast as possible. The second I'm next to the couch, I immediately bark, "Do you KNOW what TIME it is?! You're going to be late for work! Why didn't you set an alaram for yourself!?!?!"

He rolls over. Stares at me. And figures out that I'm crazy because, "Megan...it's the 4th of JULY!"

HELLO?!? Earth to Megan? Are you even aware that many workers are given the day off for this should-never-be-forgotten holiday? Where has your brain gone since you've entered the land of mommyhood?

Yep. That happened. Just a few short weeks ago. (And now I'm lamenting the fact that time seems to be flying and yet it's moving at a snails pace. I'm telling you, time is no longer my friend. Wait. Was it ever?)

So back to my point - days and holidays aren't on my radar.

While that isn't necessarily a bad thing, there isn't any great reason that I've lost track. The prideful, look-at-me part of myself wants to be able to tell you it's because I realize that days don't really matter, what matters is keeping my focus solely on Jesus and living every minute I have for Him and the purpose He's placed me here for - to make Him known and declare His glory. To tell you that the reason I forget days is because all I care about is Him, that would be wonderful.

But it's so. not. true.

In fact, it's not even the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning. (Jesus, how I need you! How I need you!!)

That is a humbling thought.

And while I'm just processing all this now, some part of me knows it's only the beginning. I'm no where near telling you how this realization is going to change my journey.

What I can say it that I hope I will look back on this and see how God has used this thought process to mold me more into His image. To make me more dependent on Him. To help me remember that every moment I am given is to be used for Him and to constantly be in communion with Him seeking His guidance so those moments truly are for Him and Him alone.

As Plain As Day

That's right. I'm literally going to bullet out my thoughts for you.

Frankly, because that's all I've got rolling around up in my head anyway.

• I feel my creative juices aren't flowing much these days. Instead I find myself lying around while trying to interact with Zoë. Not much help on the creative scale.
• I'm oober behind on blog reading. And I'm not sure that I'm going to take all the time it will require to catch up. That's probably one of my labels you can use to pin me a bad blogger. But right now, I just am not up for that task. (It's currently at 234. And it's only gonna grow.)
• I'm really ready to feel myself again. I've just not been feeling great and would love to be back to feeling good. It'd be even better if I knew that would be tomorrow. Of course, no one knows when that will be. Oh well.
• Zoë has become a hoot and a little fiesty in these past couple of days. Some of it probably has to do with cutting teeth. (The fiesty part, that is.) 
• I'm grateful that she is back full force. No fever. Only a minor runny nose. (Again, teething.) It just breaks my mommy heart to hear her cry from not feeling well. I could barely even touch her to change her diaper without causing her fever-aching body pain. :( No beuno!
• I'm looking forward to Wednesday of this week because I'm auditioning for the worship team at our church. I've really missed being able to serve in that capacity and hope that it will work out. I'm slightly nervous as I've not regularly played piano in well over a year now. My skills are quite diminished...but I'm hoping that I've retained enough to still play simple worship music.
• I'm pretty sure I did a one-armed wrestling match in my sleep and brutally hurt my left arm. To move it is to wish that I didn't have to. Try lifiting a kid with that lovely addition to your physical strength. Not sure why but I kind of wish I knew what I did exactly. Then maybe I'd know exactly what stretches I need to be doing to work this horrid kink out.
• We have discovered that I have a fellow ice lover in our family. Any time Zoë sees me with a cup of ice she toddles over to my side and starts asking for some. Maybe it's because it's so tiny a sound and her mouth is just as small that I find her crunching ice the cutest thing in the world.
• Some people told me I would dread the day Zoë started walking, yet I've actually truly enjoyed her walking. Yes, she has found a few more things to get into, but she's left many of the old attractions alone. And I love seeing her follow us around. Hearing her walk and talk. Just so much to love about a toddler :) (Yes. It has it's not fun parts, but c'est la vie.)
• Because I've not had the gusto to get up at 6am over the past several weeks, I've also found my time in the word lacking. Not to mention I've fallen off the SSMT 2013 train. I've thought about taking a break from all social media except Twitter - I'm not attached to it like my other forms of social media because I don't have a smart phone, though it's the only one I regularly update - and any internet usage aside from bill pay and my e-mail. I seem to waste time surfing the web with nothing to show for it. Not even on Pinterest, but what can I say. I'm not a heavy pinner. And even then, I don't think that's really worth the time that it sucks away from me. I guess we'll see if I decide to dive head first into this or not.
• I'm quite shocked that I had to order size 2T shirts for my little girl today. She by far doesn't fit the weight range for them. But she fits the length and her 18-24 mo size tops are nearing the too short, show-the-midrift mark. Too. soon. She's only 16 months, for crying out loud! I ordered size 18-24 mo pants, though I'm pretty sure we'll be laughing about those not fitting her waist but being perfect in length. :/ What can I say. The child inherited her bean-pole-as-kids parents' genes. She was doomed to have this kind of a physique. 

Well, that about sums up the majority of what's swimming in my head. I'm hoping to maybe be bit by a creative bug here in the near future. Maybe even feel like I've found my voice, because, honestly, I don't feel like I've quite found my writing niche, but the only way to do so is to keep writing. Maybe I'll dabble in poetry again. Or I've even been inspired by my bloggy friend Amy who wrote this awesome creative post and made me want to dip my toes in the waters of creative writing again.

Hmmm...I kept all my stuff from high school. I just may have to go read through some of those stories and poems...

50 Tidbits About Yours Truly

While you're reading this, I'm enjoying time with my two sisters. And though I wish that our brother could have joined us so that it would have been a reunion of just the siblings, I'm also liking that it's just sister time, too. I was a little bummed that Ben wasn't able to come up with me so that it was all the sisters with their spouses and kids, that would be a first.

Anyway, in effort of keeping it light, and in hopes of letting you get to know me just a little bit better, I'm going to try to give you 50 itemized tidbits about myself that you may not know. Be prepared. This is very, very random.

50.  (Yes. I'm starting at the end. No, not because I have some huge lead up to number one...at least, I haven't thought that far yet. Sorry if that was a big let down, but it's the honest truth :) I'm extremely particular about how my covers are at night in order for me to fall asleep. I've also been known to wake up and have to fix them in the middle of the night. Thankfully, I didn't wake up because they were "messed up". I'm not that weird ;)

49. I had a very sneaky appendix that hid behind my colon and tried to trick my doctor into thinking I didn't need an emergency appendectomy. That could be an entire blog post. It was an all day escapade that ended up with it not being removed until around...oh 1 am I do believe.

48. I do not like my food on my plate to touch if I can help it. That is, for foods that weren't premixed (i.e. casseroles, pasta with the veggies put in it, etc).

47. I love to read and yet lately I'm so tired I tend to veg more with my iPad or computer. Sad days. I may need to do a technology fast.

46. I loathe grocery shopping. So much so that because Ben enjoys going with me, I have no motivation to go during the middle of the week anymore. It accidentally fell on a weekend one time and it hasn't changed since then.

45. My favorite ice cream generally is Blue Bell Vanilla Bean. I'll crave others at times, but on a typical day your plain ol' vanilla bean works just fine for me.

44. I have an off/on love for knitting and crocheting. I recently picked it back up, but...well, see the end of #47. It applies here too.

43. I love the science of the body and have thought about going back to school to get my RN.

42. Out of the many Disney movies we own, my top three are #3 - 101 Dalmatians, #2 - Beauty and the Beast, and #1 - Ratatouille.

41. I have worn glasses since I was twelve and contacts shortly followed.

40. On that note, I wasn't able to wear contacts during my pregnancy with Zoë because my hormones made my eyes dry out. Thankfully, it didn't change my prescription.

39. I used to be a tummy sleeper until I had to start sleeping on my side during pregnancy. Now I'm a half-tummy, half-side sleeper.

38. I only fall asleep on my back if I'm utterly exhausted because I can't stand the way big pillows prop me up and I can't stand the feeling of not enough support.

37. I've been told that I pronounce my "r"s funny at times. However, I don't do this on purpose and cannot reproduce it if asked.

36. I've never had braces, though I did have this stinkin' awful mouth piece that I'm pretty sure made me slighlty look like an alien.

35. My two front teeth are fake. Unfortunately, no cool story behind that, just cosmestically it was the only way to "fix" my teeth. Braces wouldn't have worked.

34. Of all the vegetables that I really enjoy, I have to like one of the ones my husband isn't a fan of. You must understand that you can count on one hand the foods he doesn't like, whilst I'm the complete opposite. But of course, I love broccoli and it's on his hold-my-nose-and-scarf-it-down list. (well...nothing is that bad for him, except apparently brussel sprouts. But, I wouldn't know because I've never seen him eat them.)

33. I eat homemade popcorn so much Ben jokes about me having an addiction.

32. My favortie gummi bears are Haribo gummies. As in, when my sisters ex boyfriend (It's ok. They got back together and now they're married so I'm glad I have this story. Oh and she told us she was fine with us still being friends and really meant it too.) asked if I had any special requests before he came to visit us at the hospital after Zoë's birth, I requested Haribo gummies. Of course! That's a no brainer ;) He made my day. It's really my favorite memory, outside of the epic, can't-ever-be-matched-because-it-solely-belongs-to her birth of my baby who made me a mommy, while we were coming to grips with the fact we were parents. (Um...I still kind of have moments where I am baffled that I'm a mom.)

31. I love the sound of my fingers moving across a key board, like the one I'm typing on now, not an electronic piano with/without weighted keys. I like the sound so much, that I have sat in front of the computer, typing away with nothing in mind sheerly because I love the feel of the keys moving and giving way to the pressure from my finger tips.

30. I've played piano since I was 6 years old.

29. I always tell Ben that the day we can afford one, we will find room in our home to house a piano. My fingers miss their love affair. ummmm...miss their first love. Yeah. That sounds much better. And appropriate.

28. I'm a bit shocked that I rarely touched a piano the first year of Zoë's life. And the reality of how much that made me lose in playing ability has me slightly depressed.

27. I am such a home body and introvert that generally the thought of staying home and doing something around the home by myself is more appealing than getting out of the house to go somewhere.

26. Our fridge is so small that even if I wanted to cook 2-3 nights in a row and then eat left overs, I couldn't. Our fridge can barely fit the normal food plus left overs from one meal. It is the fridge that came with our apartment, so one day that will hopefully be fixed if we're living in the continental US.

25. I prefer to use natural light to brigthen rooms and the home than any artificial lights. There is really only a problem with this during the summer when the sun is so blazing hot, that our home can become a bit warm, too.

24. As much as I love nicknames, I have yet to come up with one that will stick for Ben. Though, Ben is technically a nickname. Technically.

23. Though I don't live with regret over how Zoë's birth story unfolded because I was given a beautiful, healthy baby in the end, and thankfully without a c-section, there is a lot that I wish wouldn't have happened or would have been different that I'm realizing the more and more I think about how it unfolded.

22. I try to keep my 32 oz Nalgene handy most days. I can't stand how I feel if I don't drink at least two of them a day.

21. If I had to pick between milk or dark chocolate, it's gonna be dark. Hands down. So much so that I may decline the offer of milk chocolate. I am pretty sure that I have a slight sensitivity to chocolate and dark doesn't bring it out as much. Though, I'd still rather dark even if I didn't have the sensitivity.

20. I have so many seasonal allergies my family has joked for forever that I'm allergic to air. And I must say that I have joined in with joking about it too.

19. I had a filling abcess on me when I was ten which lead to me needing a root canal. I made it more than 10 years without that tooth being crowned so that I could have it crowned only once. I was quite proud of that accomplishment.

18. I took gymnastics for several years as a kid and quit when I was asked to be on a team. My parents decided me being on a team would be too much. I'm not sure if we just couldn't find a place for me to continue or what, but to this day I wish I had been allowed to compete. (No. This isn't something I've kept from my mom. We've talked about it. No hard feelings. :)

17. I love dance and wish that I would have taken it as a kid.

16. The first car that I drove, well I shared it and our family swagger wagon with my mom, was a black Toyota Corolla that I nick named Yoda the Toyota.

15. I enjoy naming my vehicles, as noted by #16, and call my current Nissan Altima Zeus.

14. I have gone on two seperate mission trips to Trinidad and hope to find a way for my family to go on them, whether local or overseas, as Zoë, and any susequent children we may have, gets older.

13. I frequently forget what day of the week it is. I have no reason to stay on top of that. I even forgot about the 4th of July this year and woke Ben at his normal time and wondered why he ignored me twice until he reminded me of the holiday. Kudos to me!

12. Though it's not common to find me oustide without shoes, you will rarely find shoes or socks on my feet when I'm inside. I'm just not a fan of having something on my feet.

11. I'm not a big fan of high heels. I've always preferred to wear flats and love that flats are becoming more stylish and dressy. And not so old fashioned. (i.e. penny loafers.)

10. I call myself a night owl, though many days with Zoë, or activities like last weeks VBS, have me asking for my pillow by 8:30. However, if I had my wish I'd be able to wake no earlier than 8 am and stay up until around 11 pm.

9. As much as I love this age of digital photography that allows for lots of crappy prints that you don't have to print with really great ones that you can decide to, I sometimes wish it was back to the regular film because then I'd actually print the pictures I want to put in photo albums or frames. Though I have lots of pictures around our home already, it's hard to update them because...well, for one I get attached to the ones up and we don't have room for others, but I also don't ever remember to print those that I'd love to have in a photo album or frame. *sigh*

8. My favorite fountain drink is Root Beer. Well, that or Cream Soda. Oooo...Red Cream Soda. Ok. ok. It's a three way tie. But one of the things I love most, is they all can come caffiene free so I didn't have to give them up when I was preggo with Zo Zo.

7. I think it'd be fun to learn how to sew and to get a monogramming machine and start my own busisness. Then again, I could easily see myself puttering out quickly.

6. My favorite color is blue.

5. I used to not like pink but since having Zoë I can't seem to find much with pink in it that I don't like. Ok, so that's going a bit overboard, but I seem to love pink and could find a way to splash pink into something if I really want to.

4. You will almost always find an extra pony tail holder on my left wrist. I can't stand to not have an extra if I need one. And I've found that sometimes they come in handy for someone else. They were also great for when Zoë was still only crawling but I wanted to put her in a dress. Tie up the back and never think about it again.

3. I turn my phone off during nap time every day. Even if I'm not going to nap, I don't want to be bothered during my peace and quiet that I'm given between 7 am and 7 pm.

2. I have lived in five different states and 7 different cities in my life time. Though some of those were only for a summer.

1. As much of a dog lover/animal lover that I am, these days I have found myself actually thinking how nice it is to not have a pet because then I don't have to worry about who is caring for them when we go out of town or I'm leaving with Zoë and Ben will be working most days. I find this weird that I think this way because I used to care less about having to find someone to care for my pet.