From Blank to Over-active

Not gonna lie. My mind has been a seemingly blank slate these past couple weeks. Blank as in I feel like I'm not thinking of much. And then...


Out of no where I'm sad. I'm wishing I was pregnant. Wishing that I was needing to eat all the time to keep my blood sugar level and keep "morning" sickness at bay. Wishing that I was having to pull out all the maternity clothes I had and start looking for what I don't have and will need for this pregnancy. Wishing that I was starting to dream of names for baby #2.

And as hard as it is to remember, there are times I'm afraid I will forget. And I don't want to. Maybe because she (yes, yes, I know we didn't know the gender, but I can't give up the feminine pronouns. So "she" it will be) will forever be my second child. The next little life we are blessed with will be Daigle baby #3 to me. But then, I don't know the future.

What if we get pregnant so close to this loss that "baby #3" wouldn't exist were baby #2 to have? And what if #3 is carried full term? Would I still think of that child as number 3?

There are so many unanswered questions that at times it feels like I may never leave this phase of grief. This phase where I become angry over the loss and the seeming unfairness but then I sort of enter the bargaining phase where I ask a million "what ifs" and wonder about maybe a way I could have played the cards differently.



It loves to stretch out it's hand toward me, begging me to take hold and promising that I will know what will happen. And then, if I really follow through and act like I have it, I later wake up to realize that it was all a dream. I was holding hands with thin air. An illusion.

An illusion I don't want to live in. An illusion that I start to grab for when my "0 to 90" mind begins wishing for things to have played out differently.

But He whispers to me, "Trust me."

And I grapple with thinking that maybe if I relinquish control I will regret it. But in the end, I regret it if I haven't listened.

"Trust Me. I can be your refuge. You can pour your heart out before Me. Trust Me."

And so I find myself back to repeating the verses you've seen spread out on here for a few weeks now. But at this time, here is what I keep hearing from them:

"Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us."
Psalm 62:8 NASB

And am I ever thankful He has given these words to us. To me. For me in this time of need. This time of pain. And as unpleasant as it is, I told a friend the other day that as I've sat contemplating this part of my journey, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Why? Because you can't know love without pain, joy without sorrow, gratitude without suffering, blessing without loss. Though they don't all always cross paths, there isn't a true appreciation and understanding of one without the other at some point. It is part of an imperfect, broken world.

So I will trust. Trust that in the end this will mold me into more of His likeness and ultimately bring Him glory.


Memory Monday v. 17

I want to cherish for a lifetime the way you seem to beg me to be a part of your world. The way you're typically not a fan of me leaving the room and you're seemingly always following me around. Though at times it seems I can't get a moment to myself or work on anything I have around the house, I know these moments will pass all too soon (because let's face it, it seems like yesterday I was the kid playing house and taking care of my "baby") and I hope that I will drop whatever I'm doing to enter your world. To make memories with you. And to show you that you are loved! So much more than imperfect words and actions will ever tell you.

There are so many days that I selfishly find myself wishing myself away to some far away place where I am not needed and I can use all the time for myself. But then there are those times when Zoë comes crawling up to me with a book or toy in hand, pulls herself up to get as close as possible to my face, and promptly proceeds to shove said object towards me.

She wants to be with me.

And I find myself wondering why I would wish to live alone. Forever.

What purpose does that have? And how would I not miss out on love, joy, excitement? Sure, it might gaurd me from the pain, sorrow, rejection, etc, but a life not shared is truly not a life worth living. Because this life was meant to be shared.

Oh, and my sweet, precious daughter wants me to share it with her.

I have loved interacting with her but especially in these moments where she has asked me to enter her world. To see her face light up just because I'm spending time with her is priceless. I want to wrap up the moment and box it forever.

Yet, even more than that, I have enjoyed seeing those desires only masked by adulthood shown effortlessly through my child. Honestly, the desire I've seen most is she asks to be delighted in. She wants to know that her daddy and I love her. Purely (well, as purely as humanly possible in God's strength) love her. Not because of what she does or doesn't do or will be, but simply because she is.

It's written all over her face. It's written all over the little chuckles with sweet eye squints that beckon us to laugh with her. It's in the sparkle of her eye when she makes eye contact and holds out a toy hoping we will enjoy it with her. It's in the cries of "momma" when something has seemed to go wrong. It's in the way she wraps her tiny arms around my neck soaking up a hug as much as she possibly can.

Delight in me. Tell me that you love me. Just because I am me.

Sweet girl,

Words will never do justice. My actions will always fall short. But amidst all the imperfection, I hope you will hear the message that "you are delighted in because you are you" over and over and over. I hope that I will teach you that when I fall short, God never does.

And He delights in you. More than I ever will be able to.

"He will exult over you with joy,
He will be quiet in His love,
He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy."
Zephaniah 3:17b

But know that even still, Mommy delights in you. Just because you are you. No other reason. Nothing that you do can change that love.

You are loved, Zoë!


Why, yes! I'm not dead!

So I know I'm hailing from the land of #icanbarelyhearathing and #haventtrulypostedinwhoknowshowlong, but I'm still going to keep it simple. Because, well, this mind has pretty much stayed as simple as it can over the past few weeks. Between just enjoying my time at my sisters (yes, I'm well aware I've still to post on that...and with my memory as of late, it just might not happen), getting sick, going to my lil sis' wedding (WHAT?! So surreal you guys!), and Zoë getting pink eye all while I'm still fighting off the remnants of my illness (Thank you for the double ear infection and ruptured ear drums. I was asking to constantly say "Huh?! I can't hear you. Speak up! Talk in this ear!" Yep.That's what I was hoping for.)...well, I think you get the point. Ha! So on to #5QF.

1. Who drives when your family is together: you or your spouse?

Usually Ben drives and I sit in the passenger seat. I do enjoy driving at times and I'm no fan of the back seat as I get car sick quite easily, but if he's around, he generally wants to drive. So I let him :)

2. Are you an introvert or extrovert?

Introvert. Hands down. And being a mom/wife has only helped me revert into myself a little more. It's not that I don't like people. Honest. It's just I'm rarely comfortable around anyone I don't know and I hate, hate, hate large groups. Like "I have clautrophobia" hate large groups. (Yes. I really am clautrophobic, but thankfully I do try to conquer my fear so it doesn't completely hold me back. I just might have panic attack if put too outside my element. Ha!)



Only me?

Please and thank you!

Though, I do enjoy time with my friends and I can really get into being in the same room as someone I really care about or am close to but not saying much. Just doing your own thing in the same space.

Yep. Introvert.

3. Are you married to an introvert or extrovert?

Extrovert. Completely loves to be with people. I have to tell him at least an hour before I'm ready to go that I am. Because it will take no less (no, I'm not joking) than one hour to get him out of wherever we are. He doesn't know a stranger.

We used to get in fights daily, now just a couple times a week (it's getting better...s...l...o...w...l...y) about how he was "on top of me". While I was brushing my teeth. Cleaning dishes. Getting ready for bed. Making dinner. You name it. He was following me. Literally.

Yes, I married an extrovert. And we are so very much polar opposites.

4. What's your favorite type of social media?


Hands down.

It's to the point. It can keep me connected with the news world, which I'm a fan of because I generally forget to turn the news on and can only handle all the broken stories in small bits.

Now if I only had a smart phone... (ha!)

5. What's your favorite way to "recharge"?

It just depends, really.

Some days I just want to take a quick nap.

Others I love to sit with a good book somewhere where I can't be bothered. (Which obviously can't be done at home anymore. I lament this fact.)

And then on the days that I do want to get out of the home, I love finding my own corner of a coffee shop (see, I do like people, just to do my own thing.) and setting up with my computer, some good music and do whatever my heart desires. Whether it be reading, surfing the web, playing an online game (Candy Crush Saga, anyone?), or just listening to music alone.

However, I should make the point that to "recharge" I have to be alone. Not interacting at all with someone I know. And I need at least an hour.

I joke that I could be a hermit. And honestly, if it weren't for feeling called to be a wife and mom, I'm pretty sure I would have found a way to slightly give myself that pleasure. Because I could give my all, all day long, to others and then just recluse myself for several hours in the evening. And that would be just fine with me. On my bad days, I wish I was a hermit. But then I remember that I have the greatest blessing and refining tools with me on a daily basis.

Why would I give them up? I can't imagine life without them.

And after all, even hermit-loving people like me know life was meant to be shared not isolated.

Yeah, I got a little serious. But I figure I'm just sharing bits of me :)

Happy Friday everyone! (Oooy...one day that will mean my husband actually has a weekend....one day...)


Wordless Wednsesday v. 8 [vblog style]

Well, that is if a vblog can be called that. We're not completely out of the woods with all our illnesses over here (I was diagnosed with a double ear infection/ruptured ear drums and Zoë got pink eye), but I thought this was too cute not to share and fits "wordless" (it's a video...what else can I say.) Wednesday. Enjoy!

(Yes, it's long. But I just love watching her and observing her little differences from the way another baby might do it.)


Under the Weather

It's true. I drove another 12 hour trip back home on Sunday. My tailbone hurt, my body was stiff and I was sure my body was begging me to get back into shape because it just isn't acting as spry as it should be. (I'm also quite positive it was taking revenge for all the coca-cola I had on the way home.)

When I awoke yesterday morning, I found my acheyness (is that a word? Oh well...I just made it one.) worse and thought for sure I was running a fever.

But I wasn't.

And then it hit me like a plague after I took a nap yesterday afternoon. I went from no fever to a raging sore throat and a good ol' wopping 101º+ fever.

Oh goody!

This would be my first experience with me being sick and caring for a little one. I've had to care for her while she's sick, which is tiring to say the least, but me? No. I had been blessed thus far.

And let me tell you, I'm pretty sure it is much more difficult for me to be sick and care for her than for her to be sick and I am caring for her. Everything I do needs me to surrmount almost every last bit of energy I have just to get it done and then I feel like I could pass out. And considering we just spent a little over a week with her cousins who could entertain her, thus she didn't need me as much, doesn't help the situation.

Shoot, I'm not even up for typing out a long post. I just can't muster the energy.

All this to say, who knows if I'll write another post for this week.  Just figured I give you guys an update on our little world and, though I won't have any pictures to go with it, I will eventually get to reminiscing our wonderful time up in NWA.

We had a blast, for sure!


Memory Monday v. 16

I want to cherish for a lifetime...

...the pat. pat. pat. of your tiny hands on the hard floors as you crawl around. And the way you breathe heavily when you really start booking it.

I'm not completely sure what it is about the sound, but it just makes me want to freeze time any time I can hear her crawling around. It's such a joyful sound. A sound that reminds me of all the happiness having her in my life brings. A reminder that my life has been forever changed in one of the best ways possible, though it has also brought to light those parts of me that need refining (the part that I don't always cherish, but am always thankful for afterwards). I just love the sound.

Verse #8

"My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us."
Psalm 62:5-8 NASB

Not going to lie, I've had a hard time really honing in on these verses the last two weeks. The only parts that are really sticking, and yet I find I need the reminder of most, are the red parts. It also hasn't been at the forefront of my mind while I was visiting my sister last week. So between the miscarriage and traveling, I've not done so great job of really working on memorization these past two weeks.

However, I have found that the previous scriptures I memorized have been such a great reminder for me. Words from my Rock that have given me strength to keep going when I thought I might not be able to go on. And I've loved that at times, it's almost as He is whispering them just to me. For me. In my time of need. Reminders of His love, that I am not walking in this time alone.

And though it's still to be completely commited to memory, I'm so thankful for these verses that were shown to me by a woman back at our church in Baton Rouge. I'm not sure I would have found them had she not given them to me when I was facing a different difficult situation. I didn't take the time to memorize them then, but I kept that slip of paper tucked in my bible. When the miscarriage happened and I was asking God which scripture(s) I should be memorizing next, I immediately thought of that slip of paper and knew I needed the reminder He can be trusted no matter what.


Friday, Sweet Friday

Well, after yesterday's post, I'm in need for a little something lighter. My mind needs rest from thinking about our recent loss and a reminder that there are so many blessings surrounding me even in the midst of this storm. And so I'm going to join in on #H54F hosted by From My Grey Desk. I'm also going to join in with Amy for her Frankly Friday :). My last bullet is probably the most frank, but still everything is completely open and honest. Completely me and where I'm at. So here you guys go.

 photo H54Fbutton-triangle_zps678b65ba.jpg

(Just 411, I'm going to consider my week being from last Friday through yesterday.)

1. Last Friday, Zoë and I drove from Houston to Fayetteville. 9 1/2 hours to be exact. And 12 if you include all the stops we had to make for stretching, eating, and bathroom. (I, of course, was the only one in need of the last but it worked well as another opportunity for Zoë to get some fresh air.) Anyway, I wasn't sure how it would go, but Lord bless whoever was praying for us because I think maybe combined she only cried for max of 2 hours of that. And most of it was when I expected melt-down-city to occur: between 6 and 7 pm and even then most of it was confined to after 4:30 pm. Thank you, Jesus!

2. I have enjoyed spending a week with my older sister and her family. We aren't able to see each other often because of our young families and the distance between us. So when I have an opporunity like this, I jump on it. We have even had the chance to leave the house, just me and her, and spend some much needed sisterly bonding time :)

3. I posted this tweet on Monday (obviously, my 5 weekly facts are not in order). And I must say, B has made my week just by doing that. If naptime weren't so sacred around here (boy, do we love the silence that it brings), I would run in his room right now and squish him. Because him stopping to look at me with the sweetest look in his eyes to tell me that he loves me...MELT. MY. HEART. I'm pretty sure it's been a puddle ever since. And I'm not sure that it will ever solidify again. Ha! I kid, but seriously. It's a precious, cherished memory.

4. Not only have I been able to see my sister and her fam, but I've been able to spend some time with my Uncle, Aunt, and their fam. And I even was able to spend a couple of hours with just my Aunt. I love getting to see them and spend time with them. They both just possess so much wisdom and my cousins are so sweet. It just always warms my heart and fills my love tank to be able to see them. And the time with my Aunt was healing, even though we weren't discussing the miscarriage much. It just was so. good. to spend one-on-one time with her.

5. Frankly, I have enjoyed how little time my mind has had to wander due to being at my sisters. I think I might have been much for sad this week and had time to dwell on the miscarriage had I been back home. First of all, Ben isn't home. That would have lead to a restless mind which tends to get me into trouble. Secondly, I have not had much down time and when I do have down time it's usually occupied by either sleeping (naps are much needed when you spend most of your waking hours with three toddlers) or time with Drew and Lindsey. It's helped keep me present for Zoë, which I have struggled with as I have wanted to just crawl under my covers and stay there for days. It's helped remind me that even though I am suffereing loss, there is so much life yet to be lived and I can grieve while staying in the present. 

Happy Friday, everyone! Hope everyone has an enjoyable weekend!


The Pain I am Facing

Well, this post may take a while. Not that I'm going to edit it. I want it to be completely raw, which in turn means you're probably going to have some typos and grammatical errors. Just sayin'. But I'm just not sure how to put everything in to words. But I'm not sure that I'll ever completely know how to put it into words.

So over the past couple of weeks I know I've mentioned I've been having a rough time. (You can read those posts here, here, and here.) And though some of it has been going on for a while due to familial situations that have arisen, all of that hasn't even been on my plate lately. Though what has been going on did feel like the straw that broke the camel's back. Because it was piled on top of an already very full plate.

Anyway, I guess I should clue you in what I'm talking about:

Just a few short weeks ago, Ben and I found out we were expecting baby #2. SURPRISE! (God loves to throw those into our picture. No we weren't trying.) Funny enough, God really gave me a peace about where we were and all the financial questions that began to toss around in my mind, and probably Ben's mind as well considering he is our sole provider. Though I wasn't sure what it would look like to grow our family by one and I definitely was wondering if I was fully capable of loving two children, knowing that I would want to and probably love this child just as much as I love Zoë, in his or her own unique way but none less than I love  her, I wasn't all that scared about upcoming arrival of a second child. I hadn't reached the "excited" phase, but I just felt completely at peace.

God had cared for us with bringing Zoë into our lives. Though it wasn't how I would have pictured it (Ben having two jobs, budget being stretched to the nth degree, etc, etc), we were never in need. Zoë was healthy aside from acid reflux, which medicine took care of. We had two cars, health insurance, a roof over our head, food on the table. We were good. Cared for. Completely.

And so God gave me that reminder to hang tight to. As well as parts of Psalm 127 that were stuck in my head. "Children are a gift from the Lord...blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them" were on repeat.  It was His word holding me steady. I might not have felt ready, but I knew that God's timing is always better than mine. His plans are better for me and are definitely not done my way (see Jeremiah 55:8).

And so I released it all to Him. I remember constantly praying, "God, this life is yours. A gift to me. Use it as you see fit. If that means a healthy child, then do so. If that means taking this life earlier than I would desire, then do so. If that means allowing this life to live with any type of disability or health issue, then do so. Whatever will bring you the most glory, that is what I want." It wasn't easy saying those words, because even though I knew I had no control over the outcome, whether or not I said them, I wasn't saying it wishing for my child to die or to be born with a disability or health issue. And in my heart of hearts, I hoped that He would allow the baby to be healthy and join us in mid-November. But more than that, I wanted whatever would bring Him the most glory.

And because I know the drill: find an OB, tell the family, continue PNVs (I was still on them because Zoë wasn't completely weaned yet), high protein-low (straight) carb diet (for me anyway, because straight carbs make me put on the pounds when I'm pregnant), I began the process. I made a phone call to my insurance to see if some recommended OBs were in network. I went out to purchase a "Big Sister" tee so we could have Zoë open it at her birthday party as the announcement. (We kept Zoë's party extremely small to a few close friends and Ben's and my parents.) And of course I made all the at home changes I could go ahead and work on to ensure I was taking care of myself and the baby as much as I could. I fully embraced the pregnancy and everything that meant for me in that time.

I even started to dream.

But shortly after I had found out and began readying myself, I began bleeding. And I knew. I knew that the little life residing inside of me was meant to only be with me for a few short weeks and long before it ever knew life outside the womb. I knew that God had allowed this to happen, though I still do not and may never know the why.

I was only able to deny it for a few short hours. I denied it because I called my OB back home, as I hadn't found one in Houston yet, who said bleeding could be normal, take it easy, and if severe cramping and/or bleeding became heavier then and only then did I need to go to the ER. I denied it because even when I drove to the ER in the pouring rain, I didn't have a diagnoses. I denied it because the doctor in the ER told me my hCG levels didn't really tell them whether or not I was miscarrying or still in the early phases of pregnancy (even though I was aware of the fact that levels had to be higher than that for a home test to read positive). I denied it because everything in me wanted to hope for a miracle and to find out later that maybe my tests were mixed up with someone elses or that the home test somehow picked up the low levels.

But I knew. Oh how I knew. I even told Ben, as I walked out the door into the pouring rain at 2 am, "God is crying for us. He knows our pain." My heart was breaking and it was trying to find any way to not recognize the pain and sorrow that I would have to embrace with the reality of what was facing us. And if only to confirm, the diagnoses on the discharge papers read "abortion - spontaneous vs. ectopic". (I feel it necessary to put here that I believe life starts at conception and I believe that a chosen abortion is killing a life. In medical terms, a miscarriage is an abortion. It rocked my boat to see that as I wasn't aware of that. And I think it also put much more sorrow in my heart over the entire situation I was faced with. I will have to visit that later...if I remember to.) There was no denying between my heart and my eyes fixed on those final words.

I had miscarried the baby. (By the way, I am no fan of that last sentence as, to me, it makes it sound like I could have done something to change it. I'm not sure why I feel it says that, but I've have to work through knowing that it just the phrase we know to let those around you know you are no longer pregnant.)

There were some other situations that transpired allowing me to confirm the miscarriage of the baby. Some very personal and dear to me. Nothing that I feel open to share. Others mere tests that confirmed I had miscarried.

And though I know I do not share the hardness of a miscarrige that is further along, having cared for this little one for almost 7 weeks was enough for me to be connected. I still cry over the loss. I hate knowing that a cabinet full of burp cloths ready to be stored (yes, I still hadn't put them away from use for Zoë) contains a special t-shirt for Zoë that she won't get to wear yet. One that she will never wear for this little life that graced our lives and then said good-bye much sooner than I would have chosen.

My heart hurts.

My arms ache as I miss the life that was supposed to be placed in them this coming November.

I have had many doubts about life after death for unborn children. Really children period. Thankfully, I have come to the place where though I won't have a black-and-white answer this side of Heaven, my God can be trusted. He is loving. He is just. And He never changes. With that in mind, I choose to believe that effects how He handles the soul of a child.

I have struggled with anger at God for taking this life that I was so ready to care for and teach about Him and His love for us.

I have wanted to close myself in for days and hope that I could completely empty my mind.

There have even been moments that I have selfishly wished God would allow me to be taken from this earth, that my time to go home would be now.

This is what I have been facing. And yet as you have seen in the previous posts (if you haven't read them yet, the three posts I linked earlier are what I'm referring to), I am clinging to a God who is unchanging and trustworthy. A God who knows my pain and my sorrow and who is walking beside me through this storm. Though I wish that I could say it was under different circumstances, I am watching my faith deepen before my eyes.

God is good.

Please understand, my ability to continue to believe in God is purely by His amazing grace. I cry at every church service I go to and am barely able to speak the words in all the songs I once so boldly sang. And yet, I know that if I were to leave the service I would be running from the entire situation, really life itself and God.

I am also not saying that God did this to me. Yes, He allowed it to happen, but it may very well have been an attempt of the Enemy to put a stronghold in my life. It could also just be a repurcussion of the choice Adam and Eve made at the beginning of our world (see Genesis 3). I'm not sure which but I am sure of this, God did not look down from Heaven, see Ben and myself preparing for this life and say, "Yep. I'm going to take their baby." This was never His desire when He created the world and so from spending time in the word, I believe that He doesn't choose people to inflict pain on. That is a part of the effects of sin entering the world after Adam and Eve chose to disobey Him.

Know that I am open to questions. I reserve the right to not answer them, but for the most part, I want to be open about this. I know I am not the only one who has faced this struggle as I have heard too many times in the past few weeks "1 in 4 women miscarry". (I now find myself thinking "Yeah, yeah, yeah...blah blah blah. Please. I don't want to hear that...again!) If you don't want to ask it publicly, you may e-mail me. Just click on my contact page. The information is there.

But above everything you may have read on here, I feel I need to end this by saying one more time, if more so for my sake than for yours:

God is good.


Enjoying Family

Fair warning: this post may be all over the place.  I'm just gonna leave it that way.  No editing.  Just thoughts typed out and displayed for your eyes.


Days full of three toddlers (well...two toddlers and one babeler [yes. My made up word for a child who is between baby and toddler.]) are tiring. And yet, I have enjoyed my time with my sister, bro-in-law, and nephews. And am glad we have more time to spend together.

Brayden and Connor say some of the funniest things. I wish I remembered to write all of them down. They also make my heart melt with the cuddles and stops in the hallway just to say "I love you, Megan". And of course, please do not forget: they are toddlers.

Thus, we have all the highs and lows that come with that. But that is perfectly fine with me. I don't get to see any of them near as much as I would like.

Honestly, if I had my way, Ben and I would pick up our lives and bring it up here to the good ol' Northwest Arkansas. Not because it would make life any easier, but because then I would have family, family that I am very blessed to be close to no matter the distance between us, right around the corner. God doesn't see fit for that in our very near future, but I don't mind dreaming about the possiblites He could have in store for us that just might bring us up here.

Well, it's getting late and the hubby is calling (he's in training and I don't get to talk with him much).

Random thoughts end here.

Hope your Tuesday was great.



On Repeat

I have no words.

I know I keep saying I'm in a tough spot. Well, I am. And I will be sharing eventually, but I have no words. Even for myself.

I find myself slumping onto the couch at the end of the day wanting to do nothing and wishing I could make my mind empty. Void of thoughts. Or at least the ones I have.

Amidst all my sadness, I find Laura Story's song "Blessings" on repeat. It's where I am. It speaks to my heart. And reminds me that God has a plan, a purpose for right where I am.

And I love what she says in her video about the story behind writing this song:


Short and Sweet

So for those of you who use Google Reader you probably already know this, but for those who don't, Google is closing the reader this summer. What this means for those of you who follow via GR is you need to find a new way to follow.

I have my social media buttons at the top right of my page. You can follow me via any of those.

Or if you want start using a new reader, I know many bloggers have recommended Bloglovin' and I for one am joining them :) And you can continue to follow me there as well.

If you want to continue to follow me via Bloglovin' you can click the link below.

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

An Ever Growing List

*UPDATE: I will put the titles of books I'm currently reading at the top of this post. It makes it easy for those who are interested in my current reads. One day, I will get to truly completely a good reads account. That will make it easier to show what I'm reading and if it's off this list.*

Currently Reading:
- The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian (Follow my journey by reading posts tagged "PoPW")

-Secrets of the Heart by Jillian Kent (kindle - not from Home Library)

I can not believe I am finally getting around to posting this. It's been in the making for a long while, yet I just am now finding the time to actually sit and do it. Mind you, it took me a couple of days to actually find the time, sit down, and complete it. Though I usually say I'm a pretty tech saavy person, when it comes to taking an excel file, which had more information that I was posting here anyway, and posting it up for the entire www. it's like I'm a newby to the tech world. At least I think so. Didn't really bother me though; I found it quite theraputic having to sit and hack away at the keyboard while I added what I needed to what I could transfer.

Anyway, as you can see, it's quite extensive. Feel free to browse it and come back to it. (Though there might be a few posts from way back when that I've missed, I'm placing any links regarding my books and reading under my "Books & Me" tab at the top of my blog.)

My hope is that I will be able to keep tabs on what I have read and hopefully inspire myself to read most of this list. Also, it's kind of a reminder that I have no need to be purchasing any new material for a long while. (Unless, of course, it's related to parenting. Then I'm either borrowing or buying. Ha!)

Here's a look at what I did with the list:
  • All titles marked like this - *The Korean War by Dean Acheson - are those which I may never read, but I listed in hopes that it might give me slight motivation to read them. Why? Well, because I do like to stretch myself from time to time. But, it takes a lot of motivation for me to read that type of non-fiction. Thus, listing it, but I may never get around to it. And I'm ok with that. I didn't purchase them to begin with, thus, I don't feel too obligated to read them.
  • Also, those titles marked by the asterisk may spark some questions for some people. Though I likely will not have the answers to the questions, I may want to know the answer too and know that my hubby loves to answer those kinds of questions. So, I figured what better way to help spark some conversation about something he loves and possibly start some interweb convos.
  • All titles written in bold are the books that I have already read. Unfortunately, I have not written a review on most of these. There are 3 reasons that I might not have: 1) I read it before I began blogging, 2) I forgot to post a review or did not care to at that time, and 3) any book I have read within the past year and a half I plum just forgot to write a post. Let's face it, since mid-pregnancy with Zoë, I've had plenty or trouble with forgetfulness and writing a book review just hasn't been at the top of my list. However, I hope that I will make a point to do so in the future. Of course, that requires that I actually finish a book, which doesn't happen too often these days. I digress.
  • Once a title is striked out, that means I have read it. If I wrote a review, the striked out text will be linked to the review.
And so without further adieu, I give you my book list.


*side note: please pardon the crazy text alignment. Because I transferred all book titles from an excel file, it restricted the width. Thus, it looks kind of funny to me. You may not care, but it bothered me, not enough to fix it, but enough to let you know I know. And I'm just going to leave it :)

*The Korean War by Dean Acheson
Your Pregnancy and Childbirth: Month to Month by The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecologists
The Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
Oresteia by Aeschylus I
The Ishbane Conspiracy by Randy Alcorn
The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri
Stomping Out the Darkness by Neil T. Anderson & Dave Park
In Search of the Source by Neil Anderson with Hyatt Moore
Three Classic African-American Novels edited by William L. Andrews
  • The Heroic Slave by Frederick Douglass
  • Clotel by William Wells Brown
  • Our Nig by Harriet E. Wilson
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
- by Jane Austen
  • Emma
  • Mansfield Park
  • Pride and Prejudice
  • Sense and Sensibility
*For the Thrill Of It by Simon Baatz
The Letters of James and Peter by William Barclay (Bible Commentary)
*The Original Argument by Glenn Beck
Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith by Rob Bell
- by Terri Blackstock
  • Cape Refuge
  • Southern Storm
Humor for a Friends Heart by Martha Bolton et. al
Letters & Papers From Prison by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares
What You Need to Know About Islam & Muslims by George W. Braswell
*The New Oxford Annotated Bible edited by Marc Z Brettler et. al
*Bridgman's Life Drawing by George B. Bridgman
God Can Do It For You, Too by Don Brooks
*The Brown-Driver-Briggs Hebrew and English Lexicon by F. Brown, S. Driver, and S. Briggs
Hard Sayings of Jesus by F. F. Bruce
The Art of Practicing: A Guide to Making Music From the Heart by Madeline Bruser
The Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan
The Necessity of an Enemy: How the Battle You Face is Your Best Opportunity by Ron Carpenter Jr.
My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers (a daily devotional)
- by Gary Chapman
  • Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way
  • The Five Love Languages
*Approaches to Art in Education by Laura H. Chapman
Building Classroom Discipline, 9th Ed. by C. M. Charles
The Irresistable Revolution by Shane Claiborne
The Dog Breed Bible by D. Caroline Coile, Ph.D.
- by Suzanne Collins
  • The Hunger Games Trilogy
  1. The Hunger Games
  2. Catching Fire
  3. Mockingjay
The Heart of Darkness and The Secret Sharer by Joseph Conrad
*The American Revolution by Edward Countryman
Columbine by Dave Cullen
The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge
Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala
Wall of Brass by Robert Daley
This Cold Country by Annabel Davis-Goff
*A Tolkien Bestiary by David Day
Jesus Freaks: Stories of Those Who Stood for Jesus by dc Talk & The Voice of the Martyrs
Obsessed by Ted Dekker
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Calm My Anxious Heart by Linda Dillow
- by Fyodor Dostoevsky
  • Crime and Punishment
  • Notes from Underground, The Double, and Other Stories
  • The Brothers Karamazov
Logicomix: An Epic Search for Truth by Apostolos Doxiadis
A Love That Multiplies: An Up-Close View of How They Make it Work by Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar
The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexander Dumas
Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul by John Eldredge
- by John & Stasi Eldredge
  • Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul
  • Love & War: Find Your Way to Something Beautiful in Your Marriage
Murder in the Cathedral by T. S. Eliot
- by Elisabeth Elliot
  • God's Guidance: A Slow & Certain Light
  • Passion & Purity
Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
Language Awareness: Readings for College Writers edited by Paul Eschholz, Alfred Rosa, and Virginia clark
Three Tragedies by Euripides V
As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth by Richard J. Foster
The Princess Bride: S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of Ture Love and High Adventure by William Goldman
Whose Grammar Book Is This Anyway? by C. Edward Good
Gray's Anatomy by Henry Gray, F.R.S
- by John Grisham
  • Skipping Christmas
  • The Runaway Jury
*The World of Ancient China by J. B. Grosier
Roots by Alex Haley
A Raisin in the Sun by Lorraine Hansberry
Love Busters: Overcoming Habits That Destroy Romantic Love by Willard F. Harley, Jr.
Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy  - medical editors: Roger Harms, M.D. & Myra Wisk, M.D., Ph.D.
I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris
Becoming a Woman of Simplicity by Cynthia Heald
A Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway
Thorn in My Heart by Liz Curtis Higgs
*Assassin's Creed: Official Game Guide by David S. Hodgson, David Knight, and Damien Waples
The Iliad by Homer
Listening for God by Marilyn Hontz
*The Art Teacher's Book of Lists by Helen D. Hume
Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard
Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
A Doll's House by Henrik Ibsen
*Introduction to Bibilical Hebrew by Charles David Isbell
Complete Home Guide to Symptoms & Remedies by  John Hopkins Physicians
Dangerous Minds by LouAnne Johnson
*Soul by Soul: Life Inside the Antebellum Slave Market by Walter Johnson
Operation World: When We Pray God Works by Ptraick Johnstone & Jason Mandryk (This is a "praying for the nations" resource book.)
*The Portable Nietzshe by Walter Kaufmann
The Reason for God: Belief in an Age of Skepticism by Timothy Keller
Simple Guide to Puppies, The by Stacy Kennedy
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
Fear and Trembling by Soren Kierkegaard
- by Karen Kingsbury
  • Above the Line Series
  1. Take One
  2. Take Two
  3. Take Three
  4. Take Four
  • A Time to Dance
  • Bailey Flanigan Series
  1. Leaving
  2. Learning
  3. Longing
  4. Loving
  • Baxter Family Drama - Redemption Series (This series was written with Gary Smalley.)
  1. Redemption
  2. Remember
  3. Return
  4. Rejoice
  5. Reunion
  • Baxter Family Drama - Firstborn Series
  1. Fame
  2. Forgiven
  3. Found
  4. Family
  5. Forever
  • Baxter Family Drama - Sunrise Series
  1. Sunrise
  2. Summer
  3. Someday
  4. Sunset
  • Like Dandelion Dust
  • Oceans Apart
  • Unlocked
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver
Gardner's Art Through the Ages: The Western Perspective: Volume I by Fred S. Kleiner & Christin J. Mamiya
A Separate Peace by John Knowles
- by Tim LaHaye & Jerry B. Jenkins
  • Left Behind Series
  1. Left Behind: A Novel of Earth's Last Days
  2. Tribulation Force: The Continuing Drama of Those Left Behind
  3. Nicolae: The Rise of the Antichrist
  4. Soul Harvest: The World Takes Sides
  5. APollyon: The Destroyer is Unleashed
  6. Assasins: Assignment: Jerusalem, Target: Antichrist
  7. The Indwelling: The Beast Takes Possession
  8. The Remnant: On the Brink of Armageddon
  9. Desecration: Antichrist Takes the Throne
  10. The Mark: The Beast Rules the World
China Cry by Nora Lam with Ruth Lam
100,000+ Baby Names by Bruce Lansky (Is is sad to admit I have sat and read through this book? And will probably do so again if/when the next baby comes around.)
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
This is Your Brain on Music by Daniel J. Levitin
- by C. S. Lewis
  • The Great Divorce
  • The Chronicles of Narnia (in chronilogical order by story)
  1. The Magician's Nephew
  2. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
  3. The Horse and His Boy
  4. Prince Caspian
  5. The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
  6. The Silver Chair
  7. The Last Battle
  • Mere Christianity
  • Miracles
  • The Screwtape Letters
  • Till We Have Faces: A Myth Retold
Rocking the Roles by Robert Lewis and William Hendricks
*The Earl of Louisiana by A. J. Liebling
The Giver by Lois Lowry
- by Max Lucado
  • A Love Worth Giving: Living in the Overflow of God's Love
  • Fearless: Imagine Your Life Without Fear
  • He Chose the Nails
  • His Name is Jesus
The Bourne Identity by Robert Ludlum
When You've Been Wronged: Moving from Bitterness to Forgiveness by Erwin W. Lutzer
Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire
Posers, Fakers, & Wannabes (Unmasking the Real You) by Brennan Manning & Jim Hancock
Calligraphy by Don Marsh
The Simeon Chamber by Steve Martini
Some Through the Fire by Jeri Massi
The New Evidence That Demands A Verdict by Josh McDowell
A Generous Orthodoxy by Brian D. McLaren
No Atheists in Foxholes by Patrick J. McLaughlin
An Unstoppable Force by Erwin Raphael McManus
The Barbarian Way: Unleash the Untames Faith Within by Erwin Raphael McManus
- by Stephanie Meyer

  • The Twilight Saga
  1. Twilight
  2. New Moon
  3. Eclipse
  4. Breaking Dawn
Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller
The Bhagavad-Gita: Krishna's Counsel in Time of War translated by Barbara Stoler Miller
- by Donald Miller

  • Blue Like Jazz
  • Searching for God Knows What
A Praying Life by Paul E. Miller
The Great Realities by Samuel H. Miller
Gilgamesh translated by Stephen Mitchell
Tao Te Ching translated by Stephen Mitchell
- by L. M. Montgomery

  • Anne Shirley Series
  1. Anne of Green Gables
  2. Anne of Avonlea
  3. Anne of the Island
Watchmen by Alan Moore & Dave Gibbons
DC Universe: The Stories of Alan Moore by Alan Moore with Dave Gibbons et. al
V for Vendetta by Alan Moore & David Lloyd
- by Beth Moore

  • Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman (Bible Study)
  • Living Beyond Yourself: Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit (Bible Study)
Final Crisis by Grant Morrison with J. G. Jones, Doug Mahnke et al
Labyrinth by Kate Mosse
Blood of Heaven by Bill Myers
A Beautiful Mind: The Life of Mathematical Genius and Nobel Laureate John Nash by Sylvia Nasar
Journey to the Fringe by Kelli Swofford Nielsen
The Heart of the Artist by Rory Noland
Twelve Years a Slave by Solomon Northup
Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of Nimh by Robert C. O'Brien
History of the Persian Empire by A. T. Olmstead
- by Stormie Omartian

  • Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On: Trusting God in the Tough Times
  • The Power of a Praying Husband
  • The Power of a Praying Wife (currently reading)
Eight Theories of Religion by Daniel L. Pals
I Love You More by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott
Let Justice Roll Down by John Perkins
The Children of Abraham by F. E. Peters
Exploring the Minor Prophets: An Expository Commentary by John Phillips
- by John Piper

  • Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist
  • Don't Waste Your Life
  • Don't Waste Your Life Study Guide
  • Future Grace
  • Let the Nations Be Glad!: The Supremacy of God in Missions
  • The Passion of Jesus Christ: Fifty Reasons Why Jesus Came to Die
  • When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight for Joy
Five Dialogues: Euthyphro, Apology, Crito, Meno, Phaedo by Plato
Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream by David Platt
Stepping Heavenward: One Woman's Journey to Godliness by Mrs. E Prentiss
- by Philip Pullman

  • His Dark Materials Trilogy
  1. The Golden Compass
  2. The Subtle Knife
  3. The Amber Spyglass
Financial Peace Revisited by Dave Ramsey
Unknown Destination by Maya Rasker
Facing East from Indian Country: A Native History of Early America by Daniel K. Richter
- by Rick Riordan

  • Percy Jackson & The Olympians Series
  1. The Lightening Thief
  2. The Sea of Monsters
  3. The Titan's Curse
  4. The Battle of the Labyrinth
  5. The Last Olympian
-by Francine Rivers
  • Mark of the Lion Trilogy
  1. A Voice in the Wind
  2. An Echo in the Darkness
  3. As Sure as the Dawn
  • And the Shofar Blew
  • Redeeming Love
  • The Atonement Child
-by J. K. Rowling
  • Harry Potter Series
  1. Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone
  2. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
  3. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
  4. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
  5. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
  6. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
  7. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
The Externally Focused Church by Rick Rusaw & Eric Swanson
The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exuperv
Spiritual Leadership: Principles of Excellence for Every Believer by J. Oswald Sanders
The Nine Tailors by Dorothy L. Sayers
Peanuts: The Art of by Charles M. Schultz
The Attachment Parenting Book: A Commonsense Guide to Understanding and Nurturing Your Baby by Williams Sears, M.D., andMartha Sears, R.N.
The Lord of the Rings: Gollum: How We Made Movie Magic by Andy Serkis
*Messianic Passover Haggadah edited by Harold A. Sevener
*Pronouncing Bible Names by W. Murray Severance
Hamlet by Shakespeare
Caring for Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5 - Steven P. Shelov, M.D., Ed. in Cheif
Anointed. Transformed. Redeemed. by Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore, and Kay Arthur (Bible Study)
*Sketch Book for the Artist by Sarah Simblet
For Better or For Best: Understand Your Man by Gary Smalley
The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks
Growing Up God's Way: A Guide for Getting Children Ready for School and Life from Birth On by John A. Stormer (I've been told this book is similar to Babywise but from the Christian Perspective.)
The New Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible by James Strong, L.L.D., S.T.D. (Another reference tool I use pretty consistently. Though I wish they had a concordance of an NASB bible.)
Growing Deep in the Christian Life: Essential Truths for Becoming Strong in the Faith by Charles R. Swindoll
The Hiding Place: The Triumphant True Story of Corrie Ten Boom by Corrie Ten Boom with John & Elizabeth Sherrill
James: A Double-Edged Bible Study by TH1NK Publishing
- by Gary Thomas

  • Sacred Marriage
  • Sacred Parenting
  • Sacred Parenting - Participant's Guide
Great Discoveries: Explorations That Changed History by TIME Magazine
- by J.R.R. Tolkien

  • The Children of Húrin
  • Lord of the Rings Trilogy
  1. The Fellowship of the Ring
  2. The Two Towers
  3. The Return of the King
  • The Hobbit
  • The Silmarillion
Essays on Love by Walter Trobish & others
Flight: Volume I by various authors (this is a graphic novel)
- collection by various authors
  • World Treasury of Children's Classics
  1. Volume 3
  2. Volume 4
  3. Volume 5
  4. Volume 6
  5. Volume 7
  6. Volume 8
  7. Volume 9
  8. Volume 10
  9. Volume 15
  10. Volume 16
Kingdom Come by Mark Waid & Alex Ross
*Teaching Music: Managing the Successful Music Program by Darwin E. Walker
*Louisiana: A History by Bennet H. Wall
- by Waler Wangerin, Jr.

  • The Book of God: The Bible as a Novel
  • Whole Prayer: Speaking and Listening to God
The War of the Revolution: Volume One by Christopher Ward
The War: An Intimate History: 1941-1945 by Geoffrey C. Ward & Ken Burns
Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons: How to Find Your Soul Mate by Dr. Neil Clakr Warren
The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? by Rick Warren
The Journal of George Washington by George Washington
History's Worst Decisions and the People Who Made Them by Stephen Weir
- by E.B. White

  • Charlotte's Web
  • Stuart Little
The Knight and the Dove by Lori Wisk
- by Oscar Wilde

  • The Importance of Being Earnest
  • The Picture of Dorian Gray
- by Bruce Wilkinson

  • The Dream Giver
  • The Prayer of Jabez
Descent Into Hell by Charles Williams
*William's Hebrew Syntax: Third Ed. by Ronald J. Williams
The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams
*The Politically Incorrect Guide to American History by Thomas E. Woods, Jr., Ph.D.
Tortured for Christ by Pastor Richard Wurmbrand
The Rinehart Reader: Third Edition by Jean Wyrick & Beverly J. Slaughter
Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence by Sarah Young (daily devotional)
The Shack by William Paul Young
Who Made God? And Answers to Over 100 Other Tough Questions of Faith by Ravi Zacharias & Norman Geisler, general ed.


And We're Already to #7

I can not believe just how quickly this year seems to be going by already. When I look at it from the standpoint of memorizing 24 verses, it's already 1/4 gone!


These are definitely my verses for the next two weeks. (So, they are #7 & 8.) Because it is four verses, I may either need to and/or decide to continue with these in the ninth and tenth week. I'm not sure. We shall see. I just know that for the next four weeks, this is definitely what I am supposed to be memorizing.

"My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us."