God's Grace Never Ends [Frankly Friday v. 10]

Grace, grace, God's grace,

grace that will pardon and cleanse within;

grace, grace, God's grace,

grace that is greater than all our sin!

I cannot get the refrain for the hymn "Grace Greater Than Our Sin" out of my mind. The theme of grace seems to be coming at me from everywhere. No kidding.

I reviewed a book on grace. (There is still time to enter to win a copy too.) My pastor keeps talking about the topic. I'm currently reading a book on parenting, which though it's really an attachement parenting, secular book, is laced with grace. There are situations Ben and I are facing in which we have felt called to extend grace.

I mean I can't run from it if I wanted to.

(Ok...well I guess I could but then I'd be living in denial. I've been there. I've done that. It ain't pretty, builds a mountain out of a mole hill, and requires a freakin' ton of time to clean up rather than just dealing with it in the beginning. So not worth the time to deny and repair. Plus, I'm not welcoming horrible feelings. I get enough of those without welcoming them considering we live in a broken world.)

One of the most important lessons I am learning about grace came through the connections pastor at our church: Jesus, the ultimate example, never let go of grace or truth. He always had a firm hand on both.

For instance, take the passage of the woman brought before Jesus who was caught in adultery. (John 8:1-11) After all is said and done, Jesus leaves her with these words: "I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more." (John 8:11 NASB) He extends grace by telling her he does not condemn her. (Please note, in biblical times, the Law carried a heavy weight and strictly enforced anyone caught in adultery be put to death. see Leviticus 20:10; Deuteronomy 22:22) This was huge in this time, and Jesus extending grace here speaks, to me, of it being a part of His nature. However, He completes His statement by telling her to turn from her sin: He holds fast to truth as well.

While the Law/Truth shows us our desperate need for grace, Grace sets us free to live knowing we cannot be perfect but produces a desire to strive to live rightly.

I don't know about you, but I think I'll be chewing on what my pastor said for a long time. I'm still processing it, struggling with it, wondering how on earth I will ever embody that statement at all. I know of my own accord it will not happen.

Oh, praise Jesus for the Spirit at work constantly in me!

Because I'm still thinking on, processing, chewing, mulling over this vastly incomprehensible yet partially understood concept, I don't know I have much more I have to share. I do want to share a note I jotted in my journal, something I feel God whispered to my spirit as I was reading One Way Love by Tullian Tchividjian:

I [God] never stop extending grace; the invitation is always open, always available, never expires. I will discipline sin in those whom I call My children [Hebrews 12:6] but I have never said, nor will I ever say, "You sinned too much: My grace is no longer for you, available to you." It completely contradicts the very work of the Cross, the work which I sent My Beloved Son to complete, and My very nature."

Umm...WOW! I still read what resonated in my spirit and find myself in complete awe. It makes me wonder if I've ever really allowed myself to feel the full extent of His grace. After all, I am constantly aware of my struggle to perform to please Him.

Last I checked, doing is fruit, not an "A+ you get in" card. "For it is by GRACE you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9, emphasis added) A verse well known, yet I'm curious how many of us actually live basking in that truth.

Grace: it will wreck your world, in the best possible way...at least, it's wrecking mine, but I'm feeling the call to press in, not run from it: a holy wrecking.

One Way Love [Book Review & Giveaway]

*And the winner is Erika B.! Congrats, Erika. Be looking for an e-mail from me letting you know what I need in order to get your copy of One Way Love mailed to you.*

Oh, am I so excited about this book review and giveaway! This book was really good. So good, in fact, I want to read it again. I want to take time to really soak up this breath of fresh air on Grace vs. Law. Because, in my opinion, that is exactly what Tullian Tchividjian discusses throught the entirety of One Way Love: Inexhaustible Grace for an Exhausted World.

Because of some different situations in my life and because we have a wonderful pastoral head at our church and because I married an awesome, philosophically driven guy, I've had several great conversations about Grace. I asked if I could read excerpts to my husband because I wanted to share what I had just read, as well as discuss it a little. I've had the chance to discuss grace with one of the pastors at our church, who I happened to run into in the middle of one of my groups at the church. Needless to say, this book is a great conversation starter. It definitely will get your mind reeling, in a good way, I believe.

In the introduction, Tchividjian says, "What you will encounter [in this book] is 'grace unmeasured, vast and free' - the kind that will frighten and free you at the same time. That's what grace does, after all." (p. 25) And indeed, he is fully telling the truth. I still struggle with what he says, yet I know my heart struggles out of the fear grace drives into our hearts. I think this is partially why I want to reread the book: while my heart wants to 100% say yes to grace, part of me wonders if maybe I read it wrong, maybe I didn't get the entire picture or misunderstood him.

Yet, this is exactly the struggle everyone has with grace, according to Tchividjian. The first chapter begins with him discussing how we live in a world filled with and run by conditions: "you do this for me, I do this for you" and the many other forms the condition can take. Nothing is free; almost everything has some kind of string attached.

He then navigates the dangerous waters of steering us back towards Grace with scriptural backing, quotes from other solid believers, and personal stories. He talks about his own struggle with truly, fully embracing grace as God has meant it. (Yes, he also mentions how even the grace we fallen, broken human beings show is only a shadow of the grace God continually bestows on us.) At one point he says, "Grace is radically unbalanced. It contains no but: it is unconditional, uncontrollable, unpredictable, and undomesticated - or else it is not grace." (p. 180)

I still read that last quote nodding my head in agreement, yet wondering can it really be? Oh man! It has shed a light on my heart with what I have been taught, learned, and missed all in one fell swoop: taught - by those who struggle themselves to fully accept the true meaning of God's grace, learned - as I have read the scriptures and sought to understand what God is trying to teach me through His word, and missed - the scriptures I have either observed and interpreted incorrectly or completely been blind to their meaning altogether. You guys, this book...so, so worth. it!

I'll leave you with one last quote from it, before I put up the Rafflecopter for your own chance to win a copy(!) - Tchividjian quotes Ralph Erskine's Gospel Sonnets (I'll not type up the entire book name here...it's really long) and I love this quote:

"The law says, Do, and life you'll win;

                          but grace says, Live for all is done;

                     the former cannot ease my grief,

                  the latter yields me full relief."

I want to taste Grace every. single. day. I want to be a vessel of grace. And as much as I am sure I will always have an internal struggle with this topic, I am so thankful for pastors who also write like Tchividjian so we may learn from them.

And now, on to the giveaway:

I have one copy of One Way Love by Tullian Tchividjian to give away. The giveaway is open to US residents with a physical address (no P.O. boxes, sorry!) age 18 and up. It begins today, Thursday, October 17th, at 12 am CST, and will close on Sunday, October 27th, at 12 am CST. The only mandatory entry for the giveaway is to leave a blog comment; I would love if you'd answer this question: Has the topic of Grace ever captured your interest? Why? The winner will be randomly selected via Rafflecopter. They will be announced in an addendum at the top of this post, as well as on the Rafflecopter form, within 48 hours of the giveaway's close. I will also contact them via e-mail. (Please ensure you use a valid, working e-mail address to enter with on the Rafflecopter form.) The winner will have 48 hours to contact me via the e-mail listed in the announcement post to claim their prize. I will need the winners full name and physical  address to forward to the blogger network sponsoring the giveaway so they can mail the giveaway copy to the winner directly. For any other information regarding giveaways hosted on my blog, please visit the official giveaway page.

a Rafflecopter giveaway "Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

Frankly Friday [v. 8]

Another Frankly Friday with Amy!

This may be a quick post. It may not be.
But I just want to get my thoughts out there after reading the first two books of the Bible, Genesis and Exodus.
As a Christ-follower I frequently hear people say, and I firmly believe, that all of life is about God being glorified. And He will be glorified even if you try to go against His will. (There are several biblical stories as well as many people I have met currently living who are testament to that. Just read Exodus 4-15. That's one of many, with several preceding it.) However, one of the newer lines of thinking I've been introduced to is really trying to see the "God" moments in your life, to see how He is weaving your story even if it feels like maybe He couldn't design it this way or you get lost in your humanness and life is just so good you start taking credit. The bottom line is taking time to see how He is working in your life so that He may be glorified.
Anyway, I had decided recently to try to read through the Bible in a year again. I've done it once and enjoy doing it on occasion just because it gives a big picture rather than taking a small snap shot and focusing on it.
As I've read, I keep seeing how the story really isn't about Adam or Noah or Abraham or any of the other patriarchs or other "main" characters. Really it's all about how God is using those people to Himself be glorified. And I've been blown away. How I've missed this before, I'm not really sure, but it makes even the most boring of texts (read: Leviticus [book of laws] and Numbers [literally a census of the people]) become interesting. I knew before that it was about God, that it really wasn't about these people, though there are lessons we can learn from them, and really about nothing other than Him. But to actually read it in that light, well I'm really enjoying it.
It's refreshing. It's uplifting to my spirit. And I hope that as long as I am able to read, the Bible continues to show me more of how God weaves Himself into every story and is glorified.

HALLELUJAH!!

This past Sunday our Pastor started his sermon with this question: "If we each had our own verse in the Song of the Redeemed, what would it look like?"

I stared blankly at him. (Maybe I have a new running theme of "deer in the headlights" in my life.) All I could think was I wish that I knew what mine would be. And then I started thinking I feel like mine would just be too long.

Funny how that works. How Satan creeps in unannounced, stealthily to crack even a simple idea that has the possibility to help remind you: "This isn't about you. Or how long you feel your list might be. This is about ME! This is about the fact that what you were is no more. I have and am making you new. That includes you!"

Ok. I have to quote this verse verbatim. It gives me chills down my spine and hope in what is to come.

"And He who SITS ON THE THRONE said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.' And He said, "Write, for these words are faithful and true.'" Revelation 21:5 NASB (emphasis mine)

Does that do the same thing for you it does for me?!

I read that and I start jumping for joy. Well, not literally, but I could if I wasn't so tired or comfortable where I sit. My heart starts pounding and I can feel a desire to shout from the hill tops start bubbling in my chest.

HALLELUJAH!

(Yes! I just did that. Unashamedly too. Of course out of consideration for my neighbors, that is just      an internet shout. Why not?!)

Anyway, my point with that verse is this: who I was is not who I am and am continuing to be molded into today because I am redeemed. So as I think about what my verse just might look like, I begin picturing something like this (Oh...let me offer short background on my testimony - I placed my faith in Christ at 6, lived in anger through much of college and finally turned my back on Him my senior year, but by the end of it He had recaptured my heart and since then I would say I've truly understood and strived to live through my relationship with Him):

The darkest days I would succumb

Numb from life was the perfect drug

Bound to anger, worry, and fear

Life's meaning seemed to haunt my ear

But then arose the glorious Son

Who's life gave all, who took my debt

So I might know Him more each day

So I might hope in Him always

That's a rough writing, but I imagine I'd tweak those words until it fit perfectly with whatever music the "Song of the Redeemed" happened to be set to. (Can you tell I'm a bit of a music nerd? :)

To see where I have come from and know that my hope is solidly placed in the One if I will forever get to worship when I pass from here to eternity or He comes for His bride (AHHHHH!!!!!!) makes me grin. A HUGE grin.

I hope this does the same for you!

Twitter Provoked Thoughts

Linking up with Amy from Taking Steps Home for Frankly Friday. :) (And if you don't know who she is, you should check her blog out. I love reading her posts. She's so honest! Maybe that's why she started this little linky party ;])



"Whatever your job may be, when you're a Christian you ultimately work for Jesus as an act of worship and a witness to others." - Mark Driscoll (@PastorMark)

"If you're waiting for your sin nature to surrender, you're dreaming. It's a fight till death." - Louie Giglio (@louiegiglio)

These are two tweets that came across my scroll (I don't know what to call it. And I like the sound of that. Ok? Sounds good to me.) the other day.

Both left me thinking.

Thinking about how I sit around thinking about all I wish I was as a follower of Christ. But doing nothing about it.

Of course, this goes more with the fact that I idolize those who are "in the ministry". You know: pastors and worship leaders and christian writers. Those who I feel, at least outwardly, live daily working a job that is for Jesus. Not that they aren't living it inwardly, but the truth is, many of them I don't know from Adam. So I really don't know if the inside meets road with the outside. Oh, and I often don't know what their actual daily life looks like.

I've idolized those people who must be living for Jesus because their job says they have to. (Oi! Are my thoughts full of fallacy or what? Good ol' lies straight from the pit.)

My job certainly doesn't seem to fit the bill. (That is by worldly standards.)

Clean the house. Change diapers. Make sure food is there and ready and/or accessible for all meals. Read Good Dog, Carl by Alexandra Day 100 times. Change diapers. Stack and push over blocks 2,300 times. Run errands. Play with Little People. Put the toddler down for a nap. Redirect a curious toddler 2,324,304 times a day. Read Barnyard Dance by Sandra Boynton 230.5 times. Change diapers. Put the toddler down for a nap. Clean dishes. Play with the light switch for however long it entertains. Watch Praise Baby. Crawl on all fours. Change diapers. Discover the taste of a magnet. (Do we remember this subconciously? Is that why we don't put the magnet in our mouth when we could remember how it tastes?) Wash laundry. (Did I mention change diapers?) Listen to my husband who is eager to tell me about his day. Put the toddler down for the night. Wrap up whatever it is I didn't get to before then. Hit the sack.

And it repeats itself with slight variations on a daily basis. (You know, throw in a bible study, play date, library time, zoo trip, whatever it may be.) (Oh. And please do not read into how I wrote that list. I am not mumbling it off like I hate reading to my daughter or listening to my husband and begrudge that I have to do those things on a daily basis. Yes. I am human. I have my bad days where I want the world to revolve around me, but generally, I am very happy that I get to do most of that on a daily basis. And the parts that I haven't learned to love, well...I'm praying I will.)

I find my mind bogged down believing that there is nothing holy about this mothering/home keeper job. That certainly this isn't a higher calling on my life from the Creator of the Universe.

But it is. Because it is here in this time and place that He has directly placed me. It is here in this time and place that He brought me and my husband to believe it is the best, most God-glorifying act for our family to have a sole provider and a sole home manager and day-time child caretaker.

This is no mistake.

It is as He planned.

Which is probably why I battle those horrible lies:

You are not enough.

She is not getting the best mothering that she could.

You could do a better job of ______________. (Yes, that truly is a has-a-million-different-answers fill-in-the-blank.)

If only you would do _____________, then your home would be truly cared for. (Another multi-faceted fill-in-the-blank.)

You didnt do _______________ and your husband noticed. You let him down. Big. (And another. I think I'm seeing a pattern here...just maybe.)

There are a million different lies on a million different days that I am sure have flashed across my mind. That, like Louie Giglio stated so well, I will be battling until death.

And I can only believe that it is because this job that I don't always treat as the higher calling it is truly is a higher calling.

This idol I've made of "ministry" jobs, those jobs that just happen to be called so by our world, must die. I cannot serve God the way I should if I'm believing this isn't as great as those jobs. I will only sit around thinking of what He asks of me rather than doing what it is He's called me to here and now.

Which can include diaper changing. Did you know that?

What is it He has called you to? Do you fully embrace that it is your calling? Or do you find yourself believing the lies so easily slipped in by the Enemy?

When I Need a Reminder...

A reminder of who my God is, I can go into His word and find it. But sometimes, I need to hear it from someone else. And sometimes it's comforting if that someone else has been put in some place of leadership among those who believe. Someone with passion in their speaking and who speaks seeking to be led by the Spirit.

And right now, I am in great need. Both because of my heart breaking over the Chinese Muslims I have joined with many in prayer for right now and because my heart is in great need of mending.

I have many days I am finding myself sitting on the floor reminding myself of this:

"Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden and I WILL GIVE YOU REST." Matthew 11:28 NASB

"Cease striving and know that I AM GOD..." Psalm 46:10 NASB

"'For I know the plans I have for you [and every other living being],' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'" Jeremiah 29:11 NASB

*all italics, capitalization, and brackets are mine.*

I keep hearing myself repeat, "He does not fail me. He has not changed. He is in control. And He loves me far more than I can ever completely and full grasp."

Yet, even with all of that, I keep going back to the words of Priscilla Shirer. It's from a video session for the bible study Anointed. Transformed. Redeemed. by Beth Moore, Priscilla Shirer, and Kay Arthur. The leader of the study, when I did it, took the time to type out and print on a 5x7 cardstock these words. And I am happy to say that, though the quality of the actual video is grainy, the word and the passion behind Priscilla's voice are still there.

[*update* so I have been told that the video doesn't always load. Therefore, I give you the direct link just in case!]

I could sit and listen to this reminder all. day. long.

So I thought I would share it with you.

May you have a blessed Monday!

An Old Journal Entry

To say the last half of this week has been a tough one feels like an understatement.

For starters, I'm really beginning to feel extremely disconnected from those around me. Feeling like I'm doing life all by my lonesome, in which I know that isn't true because my Creator always walks through life with me as long as I foster my relationship with him. But I just can't shake the disconnected feeling.

The move is really starting to ware on me. I'm really starting to miss my friends I had back in Baton Rouge. Not that we haven't stayed connected, but it's just not the same when you don't get face time with them. (Um...kind of hate that Apple had to steal that saying for their version of Skype. But I still love Apple. Just sayin'.)

Then the hubs and I have been wading through some dangerous waters. And that thought is extremely sobering when I consider how, at this time, it's mostly because of me and my struggles. He has been a trooper and extremely understanding. He is such a catch and I'm so blessed to have him!

To add to the fun times going on around here, Zoë and I have come down with a cold. No fever, so I know it's not the flu. But let me tell you, I feel pretty beat. Quite under the weather. And she's pretty fussy about it. Yet, she doesn't want to quit playing even though she's pretty dead beat.

However, the part that I'm really striving to shoo out the door would be working towards getting this particular bumpy road behind the hubs and I.

I really felt God telling me to flip through some of my old journals. In an effort to better understand myself and possibly even shine some light on what is actually going on. So I did. It did help, but what I really loved about it was this little gem I found: an entry from the summer of 2008.

I don't quite remember what caused me to write it, but it still hit home with how I frequently feel in regards to how we, and by we I'm specifically talking about those who say they believe in Christ as Lord and Savior, treat our relationship with Christ. Please understand, this is a vast marginalization of Christ followers, yet I do believe we have all been in a place closely resembling what I wrote.

We've created a tameable Jesus. A Jesus who "captures" people with entertainment. A Jesus who does exactly what you tell him and want of him.

We're not interested in the Jesus who requires us to brave the uncomfortable. The Jesus who turns tables over in righteous anger or asks you to leave certainty behind. We can't stand the Jesus who allows poverty, war, hatred and injustice to continue their hold on humanity.

We either want him to let us stay comfortable while waiting on us hand and foot or we want him to take revenge on those who hurt us. We demand all of this on our time frame.

And if he "can't", then we throw him away like a used paper towel ready to move on to the new and improved - fluffier and more absorbent paper towel. Sometimes he is even the next paper towel we use until we find, yet again, he is completely used.

Maybe he is the 100% recyclable savior; at least, it appears that is what we have made him to be. The big problem, though, then becomes that he isn't as satisfying or usable with each new recycling. And all those miracles we want performed cannot be done at all by something that has the affects of reusable written all over it.

Can you honestly consider these descriptions of Jesus to encompass him as omnipotent? If he's doing what we demand and filling the description of this entertaining, soft, all-loving-but-kill-my-enemies god then can he really be as powerful as he has said he is?

Not only that but none of these descriptions no where near accurately fit who Jesus was as seen throughout scripture.

He wasn't safe: he touched lepers (see Matthew 8:3), contradicted all major religious leaders of his time (see Luke 7:36-39 and Mark 3:1-6, to name a couple), he visited tax collectors (see Luke 19:1-10), among numerous other things.

He wasn't tameable: he rebuked the leaders every time they threw laws in his face (see Mark 2:23-28), he befriended everyone (see Matthew 9:9-13), he spent 40 days in the desert fasting and we know for certain was tempted after (see Matthew 4:1-11), he spoke truth whether blatant or in parable. (I'm not going to post a link for this last part. It's all throughout the gospels [Matthew, Mark, Luke and John] and easy to find.)

He wasn't comfortable: he came to earth while giving up heaven (see John 1:1-18), he was born in a lowly estate (see specifically Luke 2:7, though I love the entire chapter), he wasn't mainstream (see John 6:41-66).

To limit him by what we think or believe he should be is to say he isn't as powerful as he's said or shown through his death and resurrection.

That last statement gives me reason to pause. To think about how I treat my relationship with him. To grieve over how broken I am and yet many times continue to live on my own strength. To grieve over the thought that I have tried to make Jesus fit in my perfect box so I can carry him around like a display for all to see, when it isn't about me. It was never supposed to be about me.

And if I try to live like it's about me and what I can do, how then can he be glorified in and through me?

It was a good reminder for myself that I thought I would share with you because, let's face it, in some form or fashion we have tried to fit Jesus into whatever mold we desire him to. And that is not what I desire.

And yet, I don't have to remain grieving. I am given reason to lift my head so I might fix my eyes on the Cross and use the grief to push me closer to him. To search for his words of life on how I can live wholly for him.

Embracing the Fire (Frankly Friday v. 1)

Today I'm participating in a blog hop. Feel free to check out the gal who sets is all up, Amy's, blog :) She just started it a few weeks back and I have a couple of other blog friends who have participated on a regular basis. Love the posts I've seen, just haven't felt like I had much to add. Well...today I do :)

Enjoy.

So I was going through blog posts yesterday, instead of getting ready for the day *sigh*, when I happened to read a great post by Tony Reinke on the DesiringGod ministries blog entitled Learning from Lincoln's Flawed Marriage.

Loved the post. I think everyone should take a moment to read it.

Seriously.

You'll learn more from it than from me; I'm pretty sure I can guarantee it.

What stuck with me was one of the last statements Reinke made:

"There were resources for healing he did not know, and short of healing, embracing the fire is BETTER than escape." [bold print, enlargement, and italics mine]

Why, you might ask, did this resonate with my soul so much?

Well, my heart loves to find ways to escape. Even if it's becoming numb to all around me in hopes that it will soon subside. Though it might be different for everyone, I'm willing to bet many people are like this and they either don't realize it or they deny it. Personally, I've done the latter a lot.

Thankfully, I've gone to counseling a couple years ago and I've been surrounded by friends for many years who don't stand by either of those afformentioned situations.

(Oh and by the way, hopefully you've realized by now I find the point I enlarged applies to much more than marriage. I think it applies to many aspects in all areas of life.)

It can, and more than likely will, make life unseemingly hard, though I've actually found it can be even harder attempting to hide and/or control when we have no ability to truly do either. (Gah, I'm rambling. Just hang tight with me. I have need to spell this out, more for myself than for you.) Yet those hardships, if embraced, as Reinke suggests, can be the refining fire God uses to mold us more into his likeness. Embracing the fire is like allowing God to put us in the crucible so that when we are completely refined we come out reflecting him. All for his glory!

Painful? You betcha!

Rewarding? Far beyond any worth we humans can measure. 

For the outcome is a better image of the Creator, which is the reason for all of life.

And though we will not be completely refined this side of Heaven, I can't imagine living a life filled with pain without knowing I'm suffering all for his glory, whether seen or unseen by someone else.

Maybe a bit hard to chew walking into what is known as one of the happiest seasons each year sees. But for me, I think it will hopefully help keep me in the right perspective of all that we celebrate at Christmas.

Yes, the birth of a Savior but who lived a life full of pain all so he could pay my ransom from a life indebted to paying him for my failings.

He is the reason I celebrate this season, for without him I have no capability of truly glorifying God, and that gives me abounding joy!

Thoughts on Chapter 5 "Spending Time With Your Father"

I am currently reading A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World by Paul E. Miller. Here are some quotes I was struck by as I read them:

"Any relationship, if it is going to grow, needs private space, time together without an agenda, where you can get to know each other. This creates an environment where closeness can happen, where we can begin to understand each other's hearts.

You don't create intimacy; you make room for it. This is true whether you are talking about your spouse, your friend, or God. You need space to be together. Efficiency, multitasking, and busyness all kill intimacy. In short, you can't get to know God on the fly." - p. 47

"If you are not praying, then you are quietly confident that time, money, and talent are all you need in life. You'll always be a little too tired, a little too busy. But if like Jesus, you realize you can't do life on your own, then no matter how busy, no matter how tired you are, you will find the time to pray.

Time in prayer makes you even more dependent on God because you don't have as much time to get things done. Every minute spent in prayer is one less minute where you can be doing something "productive." So the act of praying means that you have to rely more on God." - p. 49

"Regardless of how or when you pray, if you give God the space, he will touch your soul. God knows you are exhausted, but at the same time he longs to be part of your life. A feast awaits." - p. 51

[All italics and underlining are mine]

I sat and thought munched each of those quotes for a bit. Actually, a really long time. And I reread them.

They made me wonder if intimacy scares me. I know I need it. There are times I almost crave it. But in the end, I find myself, many a time, running from it. Because intimacy means love and love means pain, thus intimacy means pain. At least that's what I've learned from this broken world.

However, when God is who you are becoming intimate with, though it means love, it does not mean pain in the way I think of pain. Sure there will be the pain of him prying away at the filth of your flesh, but it is for the purpose of drawing you closer to his heart. Making you more into his likeness. Molding me into a vessel able to be used for his glory, which is our purpose in this life. Pain inflicted by God is not form the possibility he will leave you: "'...I will not fail you or forsake you'" (Joshua 1:5b). There is no possibility for the pain to come from him harming you. It is only so he may refine you.

Yet, that is not how I respond to him. I do a better job at pursuing intimacy with people here who I know will fail me, hurt me, and may possibly leave me. I run around like a chicken with my head cut-off having left no time to pray. I lose heart when life bogs me down but I don't ensure down time with God. I even say I pray constantly. But what is that if I'm not actually taking focused time to be with God as well?

To pray without ceasing is bollucks if you're praying to someone who you've only taken time to know while you're running past. Which is to say, not at all. And in the process, you miss out on the greatest opportunity to know the Creator of the Universe.

Prayer.

*sigh*

I know it will always be a struggle because the ruler of this world wants nothing more than to see me fail. But I hope to truly start making it a priority in my life. That is, making God and keeping God the central focus. That has always been my heart's desire since he opened my eyes. I pray it always will be.

Something seemingly so easy we have made so hard.

I hope I will begin to approach him like a little child (the first few chapters discuss this in a bit more detail. Maybe I'll revisit them at a different time). It is of course what Jesus continually told us to do in the gospels. On a daily basis.

Confidence - Found Only in Christ

So I've been looking into studies for next semester as I will be discipling a girl next semester. When we met just so we could get aquainted, I asked her what she would be looking for as far as what she wants to get from our time together. Her response was along the lines of really wanting to find a study that dives into confidence in sharing your faith.

As I have prayed and pondered over her request I have continually found myself wondering if I would even find such a study. As I was spending time in a Christian bookstore earlier this week, God quietly spoke to my heart, "Confidence is found in Me alone."

And the light is completely screwed in now!

I walked into the store wondering if I would really be able to find a good study and walked out realizing the best way to gain confidence is truly studying the Word and seeking God in everything. Take the time to study apologetics and other resources to help build your knowledge so you may better answer those questions thrown at you, but leave everything to God in the end. Seek His guidance to lead you as you discuss difficult topics with those He crosses your path with. Ask Him to help you step out in faith so you will not allow any opportunity He presents you to slip through your fingers. But realize, first and foremost, there is no study that will build your confidence, that is a product of relying on God and fully seeking after Him.