Pondering Birth

*NOTE: This post was supposed to be scheduled to publish on 2/4/14. Somehow, I messed up and must have only saved it, not published with a scheduled time. So, this was finished before Aubrey's birth, but not published until after :)*

What do you do when you're almost full term (and I mean the full 40 weeks) and you're restless?

I would guess there are a vast array of answers to that question as different as every woman who has ever been there. It also depends on whether or not you have loads of time to ponder in the middle of the night because you get up so much and it takes time to get comfortable and fall back asleep every time. (I like to hope this is preparing me for life with a newborn, but let's face it: life with a newborn is way more draining than having to wake up to use the bathroom 7 times in the middle of the night. You can almost stay asleep. Almost.)

Being I am one of the latter, I have had way too much time to ponder way too many thoughts. Some of them are great learning tools in trusting God's sovereignty over every. single. situation. Some of them have been great tools in building my confidence in choices Ben and I have made throughout this pregnancy different from the pregnancy with Zoë. Thankfully, either way, I have been learning from everything which happens to cross my mind at 2 in the morning, and other times throughout the day, and not found myself stressed out from thoughts which could completely overwhelm me.

One place my mind keeps going is our decision to have an unmedicated birth. If you have been following me for a while, you are probably familiar with Zoë's birth story. If not, then you know I had gone in hoping for an unmedicated birth, but looking back there was a lot I didn't do to prepare, I assumed my OB was on my side as far as letting my body do what it was designed to, and found myself thinking if I had it to do all over again, I would do it differently next time.

Don't get me wrong, Zoë's birth story is beautiful in that God graciously bestowed on me a healthy, vibrant baby girl. Yet, likely for many reasons though I've yet to fully explore every thought I've had about her birth, I was left wanting after her birth story. I have also had some issues from decisions made during her birth which possibly could have been completely avoided. I say possibly because even when you have an unmedicated birth there are chances some of my "problems" could occur. However, the percentage of said issues is much lower and I would rather know I did everything in my power to prevent them rather than wonder if I would have them had I let my body be.

I am also not one to tell everyone I think they're (fill in the blank) for choosing to have an epidural or whatever choices they decide to make with their birth experience(s). Yes, I have an opinion about unmedicated birth and why I personally believe it is best for both mother and baby, but I do not judge those who decide to make a different decision for themselves and their baby.

However, I do find myself wondering if I will really stick through an entire labor choosing to allow my body to do everything on it's own with no medicine for pain. I wonder if I will throw in the towel somewhere close to the end. There is still fear I may end up with a doctor or nurse who pushes pain medicines or runs to interventions. (Dear Lord, please let my OB be the one over my entire labor and birth!)

I have been asked so many times if I had had an unmedicated birth before. I have been thrown looks of "You're crazy!" or heard statements which were meant to be encouraging yet all I heard was "Yeah..you're likely going to want the epidural again."

It has been a rare instance to run into someone who has chosen unmedicated birth. (I have met several people who weren't planning on it but their labor was so short they didn't have a choice.) It has been an even more rare occurrence to meet someone who hasn't chosen the unmedicated route but who doesn't throw a stone at my decision. (And last I checked, you may think I'm crazy or simply differ in opinion, but when it comes to me, the only opinion that matters here is mine. <- Can you hear a bit of my frustration? haha.)

All of this just to say I often wonder what the final outcome of this will be. And honestly, I wonder how much I will care what really happens in the end because the closer little Aubrey's due date comes the more I just want to hold my rainbow baby in my arms. To hear "IT'S A GIRL!" and simultaneously find out she is healthy. To be able to say God has fully lavished blessing upon blessing in bestowing another life, this one living and breathing this side of Heaven, into my arms.


God is good! So, so unbelievably good!! 

If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, then you've likely seen the picture of Ben and me with our newest addition to our family.

I simply wanted to tell the world every way possible:

Aubrey Kate

was born on February 5, 2014,

at 15:06

weighing 7 pounds 6 ounces

and measuring 19 3/4 inches long

We are simply beside ourselves as we soak in the beauty of this new gift!


38 Weeks [A Bumpdate]

*NOTE: Some of what I say in this post may sound like I'm complaining. While the pregnancy is getting to be quite uncomfortable as, by this point, all my internal, abdominal organs have been pushed out of their proper place, I'm really trying to state the facts so I can remember what it was like at this point in the pregnancy. Every movement I feel, every discomfort (which may make me cringe or I may wish away in that particular moment), is seen as a blessing I am still carrying my rainbow baby. I see it as a gift because I know God does not owe me the joy of child, let alone another one. Please understand while I wish no one had to feel these discomforts in their pregnancy, I simultaneously sit and pray asking God to bless those who desire children. I am simply listing facts so I have them to go back and look at later. My overall attitude, which I hope is what people pick up on, is one of gratefulness for the blessing I carry.*

How Far Along: I am 38 weeks and 5 days9 days until I'm 40 weeks! (SAY WHAAAT?!?!)

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Last official weight check says I'm back to having gained only 32. Seems I tend to fluctuate now. I'm perfectly fine with that.

Gimme' some of that!: Enchiladas. Tamales (still haven't satisified that one yet). And ice cream :)

How I Feel: Nauseous. Very swollen - at least in my feet and legs. I feel like part of me is turning into sausages. (Just check out my twitter feed this past week. I took a pic of one of my feet and you can see exactly what I'm talking about.) Exhausted. Ready.

Movement: I'm so nervous this is going to decrease or stop completely. There are many factors playing into fear of losing her and right now my biggest battle is hanging on tight to the promise I serve a good and faithful God, one who allows everything to happen for the purpose of His glory. Though, that being said, my hope is it will glorify Him most for me to bring home a healthy, needy (did I just type that last word?) baby to make our family grow from 3 to 4.

Sleep: Getting maybe an hour and half stretch at a time. I wake to go to the bathroom that often. Or needing to change position because my body aches from the weight staying all on one side.

What I Miss: The ease of rolling over in my bed and the ability to only need to go to the bathroom my normal amount.

What I'm Looking Forward To: My rainbow baby being placed on my chest.