Time is Crunching in and 5QF

OMG she's growing fast! And I now start the biweekly OB visits! Where did time go?! I thought I had 40 weeks? Oh wait! It's been 29!! That's about all my head is trying to wrap around right now. So here is a link from Mama M. for 5QF:

1. What's the oldest piece of clothing in your closet? ummm...I think it's a tank top? I honestly don't know....

2. How many random blog readers have you met? none. I'm sorta new at this whole blogging on a consistent basis and don't have much of a base :)

3. Do you let your kids stay up till midnight on New Years Eve? (Or, if you don't have kiddos yet, did you get to stay up until midnight as a child?) Well, interesting question as I'm expecting. Haven't thought of what we will do, nor have I discussed with my husband, once she's old enough to understand but I do remember staying up once I hit middle school age. Not really sure before that. If I did it must not have made a lasting impression on me. I'm not big into celebrating New Year's anyway so maybe that's why I don't remember.

4. What are the gas prices where you live? $3.13/gallon and climbing. I was apalled the other day when I watched them jump from $2.98 to $3.13. Then when my hubby told me why they were going up all I could think was "GREAT! We will be eating beans and rice EVERY day IF we can afford gas!!" HA!

5. What is one resolution that you know you should do but are too afraid to try? hmmm...I don't typically make resolutions so I'm truly not sure. I'm constantly looking to better myself but I've never done it in the "I resolve to..." or "This year I'm going to work on..."


Confidence - Found Only in Christ

So I've been looking into studies for next semester as I will be discipling a girl next semester. When we met just so we could get aquainted, I asked her what she would be looking for as far as what she wants to get from our time together. Her response was along the lines of really wanting to find a study that dives into confidence in sharing your faith.

As I have prayed and pondered over her request I have continually found myself wondering if I would even find such a study. As I was spending time in a Christian bookstore earlier this week, God quietly spoke to my heart, "Confidence is found in Me alone."

And the light is completely screwed in now!

I walked into the store wondering if I would really be able to find a good study and walked out realizing the best way to gain confidence is truly studying the Word and seeking God in everything. Take the time to study apologetics and other resources to help build your knowledge so you may better answer those questions thrown at you, but leave everything to God in the end. Seek His guidance to lead you as you discuss difficult topics with those He crosses your path with. Ask Him to help you step out in faith so you will not allow any opportunity He presents you to slip through your fingers. But realize, first and foremost, there is no study that will build your confidence, that is a product of relying on God and fully seeking after Him.


My Sweet Hubby

With all the tears surrounding giving Louis away, I received a wonderful e-mail from his new family telling me how much he is fitting in and they love having him. Just moments after reading that, Ben and I were in the kitchen when he blurts, "...and you can't say you're not a good momma cuz you raised Louis and you did a great job with him."

I'm not sure where that came from, but it meant a lot to me. It helps remind me my part in Louis' little animal life was important and even if I don't understand why God would have allowed us to bring him in only to give him away the memories made are all worth it.


Sacrificial Love HURTS

Queue the tears please. LOTS and LOTS of them.

Now before I go into the meat of this post, let me start with a disclaimer:
       I am in no way saying giving away a dog is the same as a child. I'm certain it greatly pales in comparison. However, it is the closest analogy I have and somewhat fits. So with that being said here you have it.

The door swings WIDE open when we walk in. Louis' pillow is no longer there serving dual function: comfy rest spot for him, great door stop for the door. There is a huge empty space where his kennel was. The pantry is missing his 25 gallon food storage bin. His water and food bowl no longer reside next to the back door. Leaves are not trailed everywhere. I don't step on toys or hear squeaking. I don't hear claws in a bathtub. I don't have a tiny jingle reminding me I have a tiny shadow. In fact, there is no tiny shadow.

He is gone. Gone to a wonderful home with a wonderful family. Gone to 3 kids who absolutely love him and he absolutely loves (they e-mailed me video of his grand entrance Christmas day). Gone to a home where he will be played with until he's so tired he will go sleep on his bed (boy is that a miracle!). 

But boy does my heart hurt like it's been shattered to a million pieces, rolled over by a mac truck, and then had salt poured all over the innumberable amount of open wounds!

This has to be somewhat like giving a child up for adoption. I know in no shape or form does this truly match the severity of emotions a mother must go through when she decides to go through 10 months of pregnancy only to give up the child she cared for while it developed inside her. I'm doing just that right now and think I would literally die from the heart break. But I still feel the most ridiculous amount of pain I have ever felt by giving Louis away. Raising him over the past 7 months, pouring hours of time into training him, loving him, and caring for him formed such a close bond. There were definitely moments I wanted to kill the pup but all in all it was more love than hate, good than bad. Then to have to hand him over to someone else, even when you know it is in his best interest, is heart wrenching. It is so sacrificial it is almost undesirable. I say almost because the part of me that knew it was best brings me back to reality.

I would rather hide in a hole than love another animal or human being this much to give it away again. Right now I could curl up under the sheets and stay there for days in the dark. The pain of this loss is truly indescribable. I want to run so far away I am detached from anything to do with it. Yet, what is life without love? To not have the pain of losing a loved one means no close bonds, no memories with others, no one to share life with.

I now have a glimpse of how much God loves us. The pain of giving His only Son, whom He had been with before time because They are, for us, the lowly wretched sinners of this earth.  THAT is sacrificial love. Not that I didn't have an understanding of this prior to giving Louis away. It's just now I have had to experience it on a minute scale here. I have a tangible experience to help me see the "WOW" in His unfathomable love. If giving Louis away hurts this bad, how much more so did He feel in such a world-shattering sacrificial love?


Alas, the bawling will commence. How long this must go on I am unsure of but I certainly hope it is not much longer. I'm not sure how much more of the pain I can take. Unfortunately, the only cure is time and only God knows how long it will be before the grief over the loss will have fully been done.


The Bittersweet Goodbye

I don't know if I can type this without crying.

Today, Louis will go to his new home. A home that will provide love and care for him. A home where he will be able to run his little heart out with three kids who will love on him and wear him out. A home where he will get to go outside in a backyard. A home that will provide exactly what he needs.

It hurts to realize I'm not able to give him all the attention he needs. To know Ben and I are unable to exercise him the way he needs. It's frustrating finding us in a place where we can't have him. I wanted so terribly for him to be Zoë's little buddy.

Ah...Love is painful. VERY painful. And yet without it, this world would be full of self-absorbed hermits who have no memories made because their is no one to make them with.

I will miss my little Louis! I will always treasure the memories of him in my heart. I wouldn't have traded these past 7 months with him for the world.


If My Stomach was Clear...

Zoë would be mooning you! At least I'm almost positive her little tooshy is sticking up into the top portion of my abdomen. Every time I feel her move and I place my hand on the basketball I feel this bony protrusion, which is most definitely not round (so I doubt it's her head) and seems a little to big for a leg or arm. If it's not then oh well, but it sure is funny to think she has her butt high up in the air :)

Fun fact for you Zoë: You have now started kicking or punching in response to me pushing you around at times. Oh and also - you have learned my technique to get you off your comfy pillow (aka my bladder) and now respond by snuggling yourself down into it even more. I'm waiting for the day you make me pee as you do it :)

Love you Little Bean!!



Yes, my friends. That is exactly how life is functioning right now and I'm not quite sure when it will cease to be guiding itself. At least, that's how I feel. Ben would probably even agree with me considering he typically has at least 3-16 hour work days a week with 2 more regular 8 hour days shoved in there.

My Typical Day

1) Wake up at 0530 (doesn't that just sound grand?!)

2) Eat breakfast so you don't pass out from a sugar low

3) Get ready for work

4) Drive to work

5) Work a minimum of 8 hours but typically 9+ hours a day

6) Drive home in the wonderful traffic

7) Eat dinner, which may need to be cooked

8) Possbily lounge for a little bit

9) Go to bed but continually wake up to go to the bathroom :)

10) Repeat the cycle

Exhaustion is at such an all-time high right now I'm not even sure I could function if I wasn't on "auto-pilot". It has become very monotonous but right now that seems to be all I'm capable of. We're both so exhausted most of our free time is spent at home lounging or watching a movie. Sometimes it does include reading, so it isn't all completely mindless activity but it is frequently not an IQ boosting time.

I'm beginning to except it as the season of life we are in right now. And I'm ok with that because we're both exhausted due to great jobs God has granted each of us so all of our needs and more are met. I'm also exhausted because of the duties home life continues to require of me on top of a job (which Ben I'm sure would say is true for him as well). I truly do not see how a mom finds the time to do everything she must to keep the home running while working a full time job and meet the needs of her kids. Props to those who have made it work! It makes me extremely grateful and reminds me of how blessed I am to have a husband who tells me "It's worth it" regarding all his long working hours so I will be able to stay home to keep our home running and take care of our child.

I hope one day, when I'm looking back on this season in my life, I will truly grasp the importance God has on this season in my life. I want to be able to have grown from it and been drawn closer to Him.

(Sorry if this post seemed very scatter-brained. It's frequently how it functions right now!)


The Basketball Under My Shirt

My title is a great summation of how I look and feel right now. Well...add all the effects of that basketball actually being stuck inside you stretching you to the nth degree. Either way, I look like the kid who thought it is hilarious to shove a basketball under their shirt. It's nice that you can tell I'm pregnant and I don't just look like I'm packing on the pounds.

The fun part of where I am right now is how much I can see and feel Zoë move :) It looks like an alien is preparing to bust out of me. That may sound harsh but it really looks other-wordly watching it from the outisde.

My Sweet Little Zoë -

Dear one you are growing so big so quickly! My body shows more every day that God has His hand on your life. Daddy prays every day you will continue to grow healthy and strong. So far - God has blessed us by continuing to allow you to do so. It is amazing to know very soon you will be with us and we won't just "watch" you from our side of your world.

You have quickly started showing your acrobatic side :) I feel you move every day and we enjoy watching you make my stomach jump. It really looks like you want to punch out of me at times! The bigger you get the more we can see and, as weird as it seems at times, I love being able to see you move. Such a precious, sweet reminder of your little life. You still adore the comfiness of my bladder. I'm really not much of a fan of it anymore as you make me frequent the bathroom due to how big you're getting. Unfortunately, you're not a fan of me trying to get you off my bladder either. You respond many a time by mozying down even more onto your "pillow". Persistent little booger :)

I also cherish how much you seem to enjoy music. You're picky too! You move to a lot of different tunes but if you don't like it you will immediately stop moving. I'm not sure if you just inherited an affinity for loving music or if you will have an uncanny musical ability passed down from my side of the family. Either way I love how much you respond to music. So special!

Sweet Pea, I love you so unbelievably MUCH! Sometimes I can't believe how much I love you. I pray for you every day. Daddy and I have chosen Psalm 119:105 to pray over you: "Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path." We pray we will help to guide you to know and live in His ways. Our desire is to see you grow so that you depend on Him in everything trusting His word to light your path throughout your entire life. He is the reason we exist and we want you to know Him personally. I say all this because I know my love for you, which seems so great in human terms, pales in comparison to His love for you!

May God's hand continue to be on you in these last weeks as you develop and prepare to become a part of our world. May He keep both myself and you healthy and strong, just as Daddy prays, for the final 13 weeks.

I love you Bean!


It's Coming Fast...

And part of me can't WAIT! That's right - I love my Louis but part of me is so ready for him to go to his new home. Between being completely exhausted when I arrive home at night and hating splittling my small amount of time with my husband with the dog (as the dog will not get out of our faces), it is safe to say I have come to the happy place of giving him away.

Do not be fooled! I have cried many a tear over finding a new home for Louis. Not to mention, the goodbye will likely be said with tears flowing down both cheeks. However, I know it is best for the dog and best for the sanity of myself and Ben and our relationship.

And thus, the happiness of knowing the right choice has been made, a new wonderful family awaits him, and Ben and I will have a few months of just us to focus on before Zoe arrives is extremely overwhelming right now. Thankfully so, as life has thrown one too many a curve ball here lately. Thank God for His unsurmountable joy given to us in those times of severe loss of human happiness. But it truly is nice to have something to be happy about. It is faint in my heavy heart, to which I will not expound, but ever still a shining light in the darkness.

Louis will be going to his new home on Christmas Eve. I cannot wait to see the video of the three kids who will be getting him for a Christmas surprise! We already know Louis loves their house as we took him over there to see what he thought. No problem there - ran around like he knew the place and even figured out in an hours time where the door to "outside" was. HA!

Ah Louis, I will miss you but I am ever so thankful you are going to a new home. A home to bestow your sweet, rambunctious personality on and be tuckered out by three kids vying for your attention. 


The Dog Who Wanted to Go to Work

Yes. My story today happened because I was feeling quite faint - a new normal in my pregnant life. Zoë's gift to me right now is low blood pressure. Along with that comes my body adjusting most mornings after having comfortably sleeping lying down the night before. Thank you Zoë for this new found gift (much much better than the alternative I must say)!

Anyway, I was getting ready to put my lunch in my lunch bag when I had to sit down. After waiting a while, I tried to move around to walk out the door and just didn't feel well enough to walk out there by myself. Ben, being the most wonderful husband there is (seriously! I am SO beyond blessed!), graciously obliged to help me to my car just to ensure I didn't pass out on the way. Thus, we walked out the door with Ben closing it behind us.

Just as we made it to my car, one of the residents here exclaims, "OH NO! Uh that's someone's dog!" Ben and I both look over to see the guy jumping away from Louis! Apparently, Ben didn't shut the door well enough to latch so it opened back up. Louis took that as an opportunity to run and find us.

As soon as we realized it was Louis, I called him over. He came with wagging tail and ready for me to pick him up. I immediately put him in my car because it seemed the only logical solution since my other hand was full and Ben had both hands full. As I put all my stuff on the seat, Louis stared out the window grinning like he was ready to come to work with me. Silly dog! He normally freaks when he sees the car (we're pretty sure he has car anxiety - he vomits just about every car ride we take) but showed no inkling of it this morning.

Boy am I going to miss that dog! At least we have good memories while he is here :) [For those who don't know, Ben and I decided it would be best to find a new home for him due to our crazy schedules, lack of time and attention able to give him, and impending baby coming home only to steal more time away from him. Unless something changes, God has provided a home through a great family from our church who will provide exactly what he needs and give him just as much if not more love than we do! He will be going home to them this Christmas.]


It's a GIRL!!

Yes indeed! I'm here to say motherly intuition played in and won out on this one: I would have guessed its a girl. I didn't really say such as I am not God and it was a guessing game for me until the sonogram showed. Zoë Grace is measuring perfectly for her due date of March 17, 2012!

At the very, very beginning of the pregnancy I thought I was carrying a boy, honestly more out of fear of needing to produce a male heir for Ben's family than anything. But I quickly opted to stay neutral for a while when I kept hearing all those "hard facts" busted (and as I realized more why I "thought" it was a boy). Ya know how if you carry low it's a boy, high it's a girl. Or if you're really nauseous it's a girl. Shoot I can't even remember all of them but I know I kept hearing all of the statements said in opposite too: "NO! If you carry low it's a girl and high it's a boy." Well, that about did it for me. I realized the baby is what it is and no matter how you carry or the heart beats or what not it's gender is what God designed for it to be. SO...

I quickly let go of thinking it was a boy and somewhere in there just "knew" it was a girl. I honestly didn't mind either way. I knew I would be happy as long as I heard "seems to be healthy" at my check-ups and when we found out. Today was just that.

Hopefully, the pregnancy will continue to progress as such with absolutely zero complications. I truly am blessed to be able to say that. The few uncomfortable, not-completely-normal aspects I have experienced are very minor in comparison to some and I will gladly live with them for 19 or so more weeks.

I have a feeling my little "Bean" is going to be a cuddle bug. EVERY ultrasound we have a snapshot of her laying on her side with her hand under her head. She at least likes to get comfy for sure!
 Zoë Grace with her hand (very hard to see) snugged up tight under her cheek :) So precious to me!

She also just LOVES to change position and see how flexible she can show herself off to be. There were several times we caught her with her legs pulled completely to her chest. We also caught her like this:
If you notice, that line above her head is her leg stretched completely out above her head! Silly girl!

Oh...and it was soo cute: just before the tech caught the first pic, we got to see her take a HUGE yawn. Then she snuggled up. Ben says she's going to be a little gymnast :)

To my Sweet Little "Bean":

Zoë you are already loved soooo much but no one will ever love you more than your mommy and daddy! Daddy is already talking about his need to purchase a shot gun and bat to ward off the boys :) It is my desire to raise you with a heart for the Lord ready to do just whatever He has designed for you. I hope and pray you continue to grow healthy and strong in your little cocoon. 

To give you an idea of what's going on in your world right now:
  • Your heart continues to beat healthy and strong at 144 bpm
  • You are extremely flexible, my dear, and LOVE to show it off :)
  • You have begun to practice swallowing and definitely like to yawn - we caught you take a big one just before you curled up for some sleep!
  • You weigh a whole 14 oz which Doc says is just right.

That's about all I'm able to think of right now as I am very sleepy. BUT - don't you ever forget Mommy loves you VERY VERY MUCH!! Can't wait to meet you sweet girl!

Love, Hugs, and Kisses,

P.S. Your cousin Brayden cannot wait to meet you. In fact, when Aunt Lindsey told him we found out you are a girl yesterday, he told her, "She needs to come out now!" :) I hope you guys will be good buddies (and that both B-man and Con-Con will protect you)!


Exhausted just doesn't describe it...

...not to mention fail at the blog prompts :)

Sleeping these days seems to be a thing of the past. I guess it's prepping me for life with "Bean". I get some rest at night. A little here. A little there. Unfortunately though, nature calls many times a night and the wee hours of the morning frequently seem to have a staring contest with me (and shutting my eyes doesn't seem to help me lose :/).

On the positive note, Louis seems to be steadily growing out of his "puppiness" and hanging on the the concepts we're working on with him. We love the little dude and hopefully he will continue to become a well-behaved canine citizen. We unfortunately will look for a new home if he can't (come on Louis! We're rooting for you!). Sometimes I do find myself completely frustrated with him, but for now I'm trying to see that as God using it to mold me. It's very similar to child, in my opinion.

Well I'm gonna jet seeing as I'm nodding off as I type.



My Life's "Top 10"

Todays writing prompt comes from The Imagination Prompt Generator. I may prefer this just because I don't have a time limit on thinking (at least not a really short time of 60 seconds). :)

If I had 15 minutes to evacuate my home before it was to be destroyed by a hurricane, what 10 things would I grab (not including people or pets)

First off, I have to say that my take on them not allowing me to take people and pets is they are already coming with me :) I honestly could not leave without my hubby, my dog, or my to-be-born child so if they weren't coming, I wouldn't be leaving. Anyway, here is my list from least to most important to me (So just to explain why #10 is what it is, I started with one but wanted to save it for last. Thus, you have #10):

10) I honestly have no clue and am sick of thinking at this point

9) My favorite over-sized hoodie. I frequently get cold OR I just decide to cuddle up in something comfortable and that serves both purposes.

8) A few comfy outfits - can't do much or go many places without clothing!

7) My purse. It always holds several daily essentials.

6) My mock "moccasin" type shoes and chacos. My two favorite pair and I could wear one of them!

5) My hygiene products. Although I do occasionally skip a day, I really enjoy being clean both mouth-wise and body-wise.

4) My water bottle. I literally take it everywhere with me and find myself wondering why I left it at home when I forget it. About the only place it doesn't go with me is into a restaurant because I can order water in there :)

3) My photo albums and any pictures I had time to ransom from frames. I really enjoy being able to look at the snapshots of the memories and allow them to take me back.

2) Several books. I would probably just have to grab because since I really enjoy reading, I would have a very difficult time trying to pick specific ones.

1) My Bible. God is the reason I even exist. He is who I strive to live for on a daily basis and am nothing without Him. Not to mention I read it on a consistent basis and look to His word for guidance A LOT!

Well, there ya have it folks. 

This was much harder than I expected and honestly after about #4 I really struggled to think of what I would grab. I do know 100% #1 and #2 would hold true because those are actually items I have grabbed before in an "emergency" situation. I say it this way because some stupid freshman decided it would be funny to pull the fire alarm at 3am in my dorm my first year (it was an all freshman dorm) and when I finally came to, I ran out my room only to run back in for my back pack which held my Bible and the few books I was reading for pleasure at the time because I couldn't imagine what I would do without them if they burned. 

If you want, I would love to see what your "Top 10" are. Post a comment with the link to your blog or other site we can access to read.


So here goes...

I have trouble knowing exactly what to write, especially because of 2 things: 1) my job is highly confidential and I want to protect the privacy of the patients considering if I were them I wouldn't want me news out everywhere and 2) my job is very similar every day with small twists: help those who need help. Simple enough but I find I struggle to really blog on a daily basis and since I don't always find something in my life or from my mind to blog, I don't maintain a regular blog.


I am going to try "The One-Minute Writer" blog prompts (link here). I may find this difficult as it only gives you a single minute to respond. Who knows. This may be the beginning of my "blogging career".

Today's prompt: Draw me a picture. Use words as your media.

She stares out over the meadow. Time has long since bent to her. She slowly rocks: back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. These moments of sweet silence to reckon with herself...

Well...I definitely am quite rusty. That was the beginning of my word picture and the ellipses shows where the timer went off. Better luck next time!


Time flies and I can't believe it!

An entire year has passed since I married my best friend. I cannot believe a whole year has passed.

A lot has happened over the past year. What stands out to me is how much my love for Ben has grown.

I am so grateful to have you in my life! Although a lot of this year has held several hardships and unexpected situations, I am growing in learning how to best love you and God is molding me more into His likeness daily. You are my iron sharpening iron. I hope God blesses us with many more years together. Years of plenty and years to walk together through His refining fire. I love you, bud!
                                                                                             Here's to many more years :)



It's been a while...

Over a month in fact. I rarely find or, even better yet, make time to sit and blog. I want to. I think about it...but that is where it stops. No fruition of the thought. Between an always 40+ hour work week and coming home to care for my "baby" (Louis still takes a lot of time), I rarely find myself sitting in front of a computer ready to type on something. Anything.

However, in light of the upcoming life, which is growing ever so rapidly, I thought it might do some good to somewhat bullet what has been happening in "Bean's" world in the past month or so:
  • You have taken me from being able to wear pre-pregnancy clothes, mainly bottoms, unbottoned with a belly band to not being able to fit most of them on. Yay for making those hips spread!
  • You are now fully showing to the world around you in your little "pouch", as all my coworkers have so graciously dubbed it. I like to say you're my little joey :)
  • Daddy felt you move for the first time yesterday. How it happened was so funny: I was sitting in the living room when I called out for him. He responded with a slightly frustrated, "I'm busy" voice but came. Was he ever glad he did! His eyes opened wide and a huge grin spread across his face. He then quickly walked away saying, "I'm gonna burn your egg!" (We love our daily breakfast egg!)
  • On that note, you move quite frequently now. I'm loving the bonding I get to have with you as I feel you grow (and yes I literally feel you stretching me) and I am able to feel your movements on a more consistent basis. You're currently moving quite a bit as I type this :)
  • You are using every bit of me you can to grow, including taking away some of my brain power. I have even found several incomplete thoughts in this post I have had to correct in order to be completely coherent.
  • I like to sing to you with or without music on. Hopefully, you will enjoy a lot of the music I listen to considering I typically pick what comes on around our home.
  • Daddy talks to you frequently. Nothing in particular, usually. Just saying hello to his little "Bean".
"Bean" I love you so much! It is hard to believe I love you so much and I have not even met you. You are such a precious treasure to me (and I'm sure to your Daddy, too)! I hope and pray all the time you will come to know and love the Lord with all of your being. I hope to be a mommy who helps you grow in Him, seeking His will for your life which culminates in His glory. I am learning so much right now. Life lessons which I will hopefully be able to pass on to you.

Hugs and kisses and lots o' love :)


May we NEVER Forget...

I still tear up as I think about that day. As the pictures flash across my memory from the TV broadcast.

America: land of the free, home of the brave.

We seemed so safe over here. And yet, someone proved that statement could change in the blink of an eye.

I still remember it like it was yesterday and yet it seems so long ago. For those who were immediately effected by the terror and sorrow of that day I can only imagine the long-lasting shockwaves it threw on them. And there are those who are still fighting and many who have lost their lives overseas to help bring peace and maintain peace.

I do not feel words truly do this day justice. But even having said that...

May we always remember!
(image from Google Image Search)


What a Patient Taught Us

So, although this did not happen to me, I must share.

Yesterday at work, one of my coworkers had all of us rolling on the floor. Why? Although it would be better if she could tell you in person, words here will have to suffice:

She was holding the door open for an elderly patient, who kept her balance with a walker. Just as the patient made it to the door way, she stopped, leaned over her walker, and asked my coworker, "You want to know some real *%&?"

Without giving my coworker time to respond, the woman leaned closer and said, "Inside every old woman is a young lady asking, 'What the @^$! happened to me?!"


I still am laughing about that! How can you not? Just thought I would give every female out there something to laugh at. 


Momma Time

Maybe I say this a lot, but I really enjoy spending time with my Mom. Not to mentiont it makes me feel good when I'm at work, I get a call from her, and she wants to know if my night it free so we can spend time together. It gives me warm fuzzies. Makes me feel loved. Plus, it's my mom. I love my mom!!

So we spent time together once I was off work.

We made Taco Salad together.

We ate dinner while skyping my older sister and 2 nephews. Of course, B-man wanted to know where "Unda Ben" was only to be very disappointed because he was not here (he was working). Then we laughed as we watched C army crawl ridiculously fast across the living room and B proceeded to dance for us. Makes me sad I'm so far away from them :( At least technology lets us talk with live video.

And of course we enjoyed good conversation.

Very enjoyable. Always!


Loooong Day EQUALS Short Post

To summarize my day: I felt like a chicken with my head cut off.


No reprieve.

Needless to say I did not want to cook tonight, so I picked up some reliably cheap Taco Bell.

Now I am home, I am watching Louis romp around all while trying to keep it to a minimum since he was neutered last Friday. The vet told us to "keep activity to a minimum for 7-10 days". Then the tech walked out with my puppy wiggling himself into a frenzy. Ok. You keep him calm. Thankfully, all looks well and we have avoided the dreaded collar considering he actually does not tend to lick it (THANK YOU LORD!). Hoping continued success in this area.

He may be the deciding factor in when I go to bed. I feel like I could go now. I'm just not sure I trust my puppy will sleep now, thus I will not rest now. So, I might as well let him play some and rest up in the recliner.

Good night all!


Mom Day

Yep - I got to spend some decent time with my mom late this afternoon. I'm really glad to live so close to my parents and even more blessed to have a mom who is also my friend now I'm grown. We went and picked out new glasses for me, since its that time of year. Then we went and goofed off at Target to look at clothes, followed by dinner at Mi Padres. Yummy Mexican food :) Not a ton to say about it other than I really enjoyed being with her.

Now its off to get my grocery list ready for tomorrow. And maybe if I get the gusto for it, I will bathe my dog since its time for his flea medicine. Oh joy!

P.S. I am trying to keep a consistent blog, but Thursdays will probably be a definite weekday and then of course the weekend I will not blog. Ben and I are taking Financial Peace University. If you have never heard of it, I highly recommend it. My older sister, Lindsey, and her husband went through it a couple years back and really learned a lot from it. I'm excited to learn what really should be every day knowledge and yet so many people do not take the time to really do their finances right!

Just a Kickin' Away

Yep. Got to see you today, little one. Tomorrow starts week 10 and boy were you just kickin' up a storm in there. It was so cute to see you move around and bob your little tiny feet and toes around. Always exciting to get to see you and hear your little heart. It lets me know you're safe and sound in there :) Next time we see you you will have grown a lot - I don't think we will get to see you again until around 20 weeks.

Here is how big you have become since the last sonogram:
You have a fast little heart beat at 174 bpm!

You like to keep your hands close and let your feet and legs move around :)

Your daddy likes to talk to you :) He frequently pats my belly and tells you to behave. Silly daddy. He also likes to tell Louis that he is going to have a little buddy very soon. I hope he's right because I just think it would be so precious for you to have a dog you grew up with, especially if you guys were best buds! He is only a year older than you will be so I think it's only safe to say you guys are going to have a special bond.

There are so many people already who are thrilled you are going to be entering our world! I still am in disbelief sometimes that you are growing inside me, but I'm definitely getting excited now :) I hope and pray every day I will love you just the way you need to be in order to help grow in you all God desires you to be. So precious and very loved! Glad you are growing healthy!


Mmmm...to be lazy....


That is exactly what I'm working on - NOTHING!

It is a night I am going to sit back and enjoy sheerly because I can. I have nothing to do. I am actually not completely worn out after work today. So I can enjoy reading or watching a movie or anything else.

And I don't have to worry about my teething puppy in the process because he feels fine tonight. He is playing with his toys all alone and I've already taken him on a walk.

So I treat myself to relax. And type about nothing. That will be my night tonight. Sheer enjoyment of being blessed with it.


Tired Tuesday


I sat at my desk today and was jolted, what seems a gajillion times, as my head started nodding from dozing off in the middle of my work day. Fantastic! Just what I would want my boss to see me doing: sleeping at work!

I still feel that exhausted now, but I'm attempting to keep myself up just a bit longer so I can hopefully get some good rest tonight and hopefully avoid a 0130 wake up with no sleep after.

The part I'm currently thankful for, though: my puppy is teething and for whatever reason, it hit him hard this afternoon. He didn't want to step out of his den. He ate dinner only because I set it on the floor just to throw it up 5 minutes later because he really wasn't hungry nor did he chew with his sore gums :( However, I am thankful for this because it means he has been extremely low key this afternoon. I don't have to play with him. I don't have to attempt to get his energy out. He has none.

For once Louis is on the same page as me: after work comes sleep (or at least a lot of down time)!


My Lost Love

Although these days do not leave much time for wanting, it is quite frequent I find myself wanting some ivory to tickle. To go from spending much alone time with "my" piano (honestly, 8+ hours a day in college) to practically none has found my heart hurting. If I cannot take time to play some on my iPod, I find myself imagining playing.

I dream of owning a piano some day soon. But for now, imagining will need to suffice.

For now I will dream away...


Healthy Heart

We heard your heart beat on Wednesday, Little One. The ultrasound tech said it sounded very good at 154 bpm. And Dr. Kleinpeter said everything is very healthy. He gave us a 5% chance of miscarriage from now until our next visit on the 19th and a 1% after that. All I know is even though I can't control what does happen, I'm going to take as best care of you by taking great care of myself...hoping to hear your healthy heart again in 2 weeks :)

Here are some pictures from your visit:

Your tiny little self with a healthy heartbeat measuring 154 bpm

Those 4 little bumps (2 upper and 2 lower) will be complete arms and legs with fingers and toes in 2 weeks. Quite amazing!

It's finally starting to settle in. To become real (even though my body lies to the world around :]). I'm going to be a mommy. And Ben is going to be a daddy. Our family is expanding!

I must know: how do people really fool themselves to think that it is not a human forming inside them until they reach a certain point in the pregnancy? Even though I was only at 7 weeks 4 days gestation, there is nothing in me that thought it wasn't a baby. And when you hear the heart beat and see the arms and legs beginning to form and everything starting to take form....not a baby?! Pishposh. Absolutely no way they walk away from that thinking its a blob without completely fooling themselves.

Although these thoughts are not much, its about where I am right now.

This is actually real!


Nervous Nellie. Dear Jesus, HELP!

Okay. So it isn't that bad now, but I sure have had a bout of the worries lately. The beginning of pregnancy is sooo hard! You take a pee stick test and/or a blood test that confirms you are, your stomach wants to jump up and out your throat, the acid in it becomes an enourmous volcano ready to erupt, the simple thought of some foods makes you gag, if you could you would prefer to be asleep 99.9% of the time, you pee so frequently you feel as though every 5 minutes is spent in the bathroom and begin to realize your hands are cracking from the frequency of washing, anytime your boob is touched the tenderness of them stretching is remembered, and you feel like you're shoving crackers down your throat to at least appease to the first three aformentioned symptoms. At least that's how I feel.

BUT...you can't feel the baby growing inside of you. You can't feel the pulse of the little heart that has already begun to pump blood by week 6. (I'm at week 7 as I type this...at least that's my guesstimation with all the info.) And there is no baby bump. Just some extra gas in there to add to my other symptoms to make me feel extra great.

At first I kept thinking: What if the baby is already gone? Or...What if I'm not doing something right? What if its twins? What if they don't find the heartbeat in the first ultrasound? What if, what if, what...


Can I control this? NO!

Does worry help this? Absolutely positively NO!

"So why are you worrying, child?" - Jesus

Oh Jesus! Help me to give this precious life to you!

Seriously, my thoughts. I feel like my brain is on this crazy roller coaster. And praying incessantly that Jesus will protect this little life He has blessed Ben and me with however He sees fit is not always easy. But is brings so much peace. Not of this world peace. God's peace.

Am I still nervous? Yes.

It is my first OB appointment and US.

But does it have to rule me? NO!

Ahhh...resting beside those quiet waters of sweet tranquility given only when I give all to Him. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Where would I be without you, Jesus?

Finished...Maybe I'll Read it Again


That's about what my mind thinks whenever I begin processing the book I just completed: A Love that Multiplies by Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar.

I couldn't get enough of it as I read page after page after page. And now that I'm done, I kind of want to pick it back up again. (I think I need to pray for a thirst and hunger to read the Bible like that. What is it about other books that attract most of us so much more?)

The Duggars have worked so hard to be, what seems, such a close knit family. Even though I don't agree 100% with everything they do because of some differences, I have a lot of respect for the way they strive to live, discpline their children, and the fact they are debt free. (That is serious! Especially in this day and age.)

I find I could use some of their child-rearing techniques with my dog. (Maybe I'm crazy, but I sure do feel like he pushes me to my limits and makes me boil over easier than I would like to admit.) Even today he tested me by ringing the bells (our signal he has to go potty) what seemed to be EVERY 5 MINUTES because he wanted to be outside in the 97 degree weather. No thank you! I will not have it, but he just sat their and smiled at me like, "See mom, this could be really fun if you just pant and enjoy the rays. See?"

And their grocery bill: what is it they purchase and how to they keep it stocked just right so that they don't go overbudget? Not that I go over budget, but there are times I wonder if we're going to make it within the limits. Maybe we need to go on a rice and beans diet :) Something cheap, because meat definitely isn't. Although I must pat myself on the back for the occasional sales I will hit and get a $11 bottom round roast for a little under $6. And produce? Not the cheapest. I always get the cheaper items but that still doesn't seem to cut it back so great at times.

I'm trying to get into couponing. It takes a lot of energy though. Energy I can't seem to find after a 40+ hour work week. I come home so pooped all I can think is, "Food in mouth. Feed dog. Take dog out. Clean mouth. Go to bed." My older sis has shown me a great resource for this, Passion for Savings. If you sign up for the updates she can keep you up on coupons that are coming out, sales, and maximizing all your info to get the best prices on everything. And yet, I still find myself struggling to get there. I do well if I can find a coupon or two that I can use on the items I have to get.

My brain is all over the place...started with talking about a book and ended with couponing. I think I'm going to go relax...


Sit. Relax. Quiet.

Ahhh yes!

What I long for at the end of each crazy day at work. The place you never know who you will be caring for or what remedies they will be seeking. Your "home away from home" that you may not want to truly be at. No matter how I feel though, I am always finding myself so ready to go home.

To be with my way chill husband and exceptionally chill puppy. To sit at the computer and not think about anything else. Or to pick up a book and enter an entire world not my own, but seemingly live there for the time my head is in it.

And of all situations, today is Friday. That is right: the night I can go to bed and not worry about how much sleep I got - I can sleep in if insomnia attacks!


Soaking in the peacefulness of a completely unplanned, quiet Friday evening. I think I'm off to enjoy A Love that Multiplies  by Michelle & Jim Bob Duggar. 

My aren't You Growing!

So I've been a nervous wreck (to put it nicely) with all the emotions compiled into one human upon discovering you're pregnant. Maybe not everyone gets this way, but I have been:

1) overwhelmed completely

2) anxious

3) a worry wart

4) a teensy bit excited

5) more concerned about a healthy pregnancy than "what on earth am I going to do?! I'm going to be a mom?!?!"

Tomorrow marks week 6 and I must say I can certainly tell by how I feel. Not just the emotions but the indigestion, bloating/gas, nausea at times, EXTREME sensitivity to smell or the mere thought of them. And if that isn't enough, my hormone levels have jumped from a mere 1350 last Friday to 11,223 today (which is in normal range for 6 weeks gestastional age). The great news compiled into that last bit though is: typically with levels growing as they are, it also means the little one is progresing as it should. Thank you, Lord!

I may be worried about something I cannot handle and constantly asking God to renew His peace, patience, and a will to depend solely on Him, but if the levels are a God-given indicator that everything is a-ok...well then, why on earth am I worrying? It strangely brought a serene peace this afternoon when my OB's nurse called me to give me my levels and schedule my first ultrasound (US) and appointment. I may be overwhelmed with the surprise of this, but I sure am more concerned about a healthy little baby growing!

Jesus, thank you for calming my fears. Please help keep all others that will arise at bay.

And little one, may I care for you as best I can by caring for myself as best I can. Your Daddy prays for you every morning (and I'm sure much more as I find myself constantly praying for you and that I will be a good Mommy)! You are loved already!

BTW - our first food I have found to do us in and it unfortunately sounds and SMELLS soooo appealing: Pizza. What a bummer, because we sure do seem to want it when I smell it :)


Along came...

So yesterday morning, Ben and I found out our first little one is on the way. Major God-timing. Not planned, not in a million years what we would have dreamed. And yet, we know His timing is perfect.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul speaks about a thorn in his flesh that God would not remove. Although, I do not think of this unborn child as a thorn, more so he or she is a blessing from God granted only by His good and sovereign will, I do see it as a situation where only God will be given glory here. That is how all of life should be and what I strive to live and learn to be: Christ-like. In verse 8 Paul writes:

8"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take [the thorn] away from 
me. 9 But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my 
power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the 
more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may 
rest on me."

That I would daily live this way and that I will continue to take on this unplanned child with a postive attitude, being reminded that God's timing is perfect! I may always have feelings of inadequacy but as long as I am seeking and striving to keep God as my center and focus, His strength and grace and love will be sufficient.

May Christ be my teacher and God be my glory!
To our little one,

We told your Gigi and Poppa about you today. It was good to see their shock mixed with excitement. You are going to be so loved, little one. Precious and perfect just as God creates you! As you are growing and God is forming you, it is my prayer God will continue to mold me into His image, prepare my heart to be your mommy - just the mommy you need to cultivate a heart that yearns to live for the Lord solely and completely; a mommy who does her best to prepare you for however God plans to use you.

Right now, if my calculating is right, you are only about 5 weeks old, but God is doing some pretty hefty creating on you and, let me tell you, its a lot of work! You are so very small (estimated to be about the size of a ball point pen's tip) but so precious! Every day I pray that you will form and grow properly and that I am taking a best care of you as I can by eating properly, getting enough rest, etc. You are a surprise who will be a great blessing to me and your daddy and everyone else you will come in contact with.

Louis can't wait for you either (at least I'm hoping he doesn't get too jealous with your arrival)! I hope you grow up to be best buds.

I love you!


Worn Out

I don't think there really are words for how tired I am right now. My week began and I thought it was almost the end. Then came Wednesday and I thought it was Friday, followed by Thursday and I thought it was Wednesday. That may help someone understand how long this week has been for me. My brain has been all over the place even though my job demands I write the date and know the day of the week constantly.

Then to come home to my wound up baby who has so much energy it can be 100% annoying at times. I've already told Ben there is no way I will work once we have human children. It is just physically impossible. Props to the moms who have to do it! I already know I won't be able to, unless I can completely control my schedule: aka teaching piano. I would rather be poor, than stress myself out to have "more money". Plus, to "have more money" means that the extra goes to day care or a sitter because I will not put that job on my mom. Plus, if it's this obvious in a dog what time away from mom and dad looks like, I don't even want to know how it would affect Ben and my kids.

It definitely affects my drive to come home and clean, cook, maintain, plan, grocery shop, etc. You name the household chore, it's almost always a guarantee I have no desire to complete it. I honestly would be just fine if I could live off of minimal food, no hygeine, go to work and come home to sleep. That is how worn I am. I don't think it really has to do with poor time management.

Organization and good management of what I've been given isn't the problem. I'm not staying up all hours of the night to achieve normal, every day tasks. I am definitely not having nightmares about a lack of time. Yet, I do constantly walk around wondering if I truly slept the night before or if my body just fooled me by wiping away the hours I was "sleeping" from my memory. To sleep well and know it the next day is a "once upon a dream" for me right now. I hope it decides to come back soon...


On my Heart

1 Peter 2:24-25
24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree (1), so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness(2); by his wounds you have been healed(1).
25 For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls(3).

I don't have much to say about this right at this moment. It is a verse I am memorizing and meditating. To spend time contemplating and thanking the LORD for what He has done for me and for you and the rest of the world; well, no words are truly able to describe it. I highlighted the parts that stand out to me; I think of it in chunks (I put the numbers next to how this is speaking to my heart at this time:

1) Christ HIMSELF took on the payment for my erred ways. WOAH!

2) This is all so that I might begin a new life, unbound by the old. He loves me that much?! He wanted to take on my debt so I might have a relationship with Him in righteousness. It still baffles me that someone would turn this away. I am also baffled with myself in how even if we have accepted His unending grace, we still stray at times thinking we don't need him. The foolishness of the world, our human ways seem so much more appealing even though we know it's not.

3) What we were, sheep going astray, we no longer are once washed by the blood of Christ. His love for us is so deep, unconditional, and unending, He could not bear to see us lost to our own depravity, thus He gave us the option to choose life with Him.

Wanted to share this. Feel free to share in comments or give feed back.


Pardon My Absence

I know it's been a week or so since my last update. I have been so busy house training Louis and trying to catch some Zzz's whenever he permits that my life revolves around work, cooking, eating, watching Louis, and sleeping when I can. I think it may even be safe to say I am not online half as much. It may be a bit before I get back into a more normal routine, so pardon my lack of posting for a while.


Louis Scy has Arrived!

He's here! He's finally here!

It has been quite an eventful day today. All of it was filled with Louis Scy, our wire fox who flew in from Kansas City today. It was so precious picking him up: he immediately began wagging his tail as I talked to him while opening his crate so he could come out. He immediately wanted to meet everyone who was with us (yes, we had an entourage come with us: of course Ben and I went, then Jacob, Laura, Mom, and Hope accompanied us!). We took him outside to a patch of grass so he could stretch his legs and relieve himself before we climbed into the car.

His tail hardly quit wagging and he coninually was running up to someone ready to play! I was so relieved he was not so traumatized by the flight.

Once home, he immediately began to explore his new turf and did quite well. We have figured he is quite the stinker with going to the bathroom and does not do all the usual queues puppies give when they have to go potty. Thus, it has been difficult to catch him at times, but we have been sure to praise him profusely when we are able to get him to go outside.

The day has gone well and he was given a clean bill of health and negative for worms by our vet today. WOO! Although it was hard to catch him in action, here a few pics of the new addition to our fam:

 All tuckered out :)

In the middle of sleeping, he did this. Too cute!
I think it's already safe to say my dog will be spoiled :) Love him!



My mind is completely absorbed with thoughts of Louis right now. I know it's not another 6 days until he arrives, but I can't quit thinking about him. Wondering if we have everything we need. Wondering how he will do flying to Baton Rouge. Wondering how he will do with training. Just a lot of what ifs I know I can't control but still wonder and ponder. Happy thoughts. Not much worry. Just thinking through the logistics (oh for the logical mind!).


May I Say Tired?

I don't know why I am so drained, but I am. It may partially be just because I seem to have a had a long day. Nothing in particular happened; not worth mentioning here anyway. I think it's just the trying to (still after years) keep my body adjusted to this new time schedule, on top of a busy day, being stuck in traffic (still not sure what had happened to cause a pile up), and then teaching piano lessons late. I love teaching lessons and wish I would have more energy when I get to that part of my day. However, all energy is typically gone by that time of day.

About the only habit I may possibly change is the sleep pattern. If anyone knows of any helpful tips, please let me know. I cannot seem to get my body off the fact that it likes to sleep from about 12 am to 6/7 am. It does not like to sleep, does not like to get "good rest" and loves for me to seem very tired for most of the day because my typical "energy time frame" is never tapped.


May I Say Dull?

That's how I feel about  my life right now. Aside from the wonderful appendectomy about 13 days ago, my life has been pretty dull. Get up in the morning, get ready for work, go to work, come home, cook something, read or blog and wish Louis was here, go to bed. Start the next day over again.

Yesterday I did have worship rehearsal which went really well. I love serving on the worship team using the gift of piano to serve the Lord with. Such an awesome opportunity to serve. We are teaching this new song, "Carry Your Name" by Christy Nockelsn from the Passion 2011 conference. Here's the video that's on YouTube:

Powerful! I just love listening to her sing...and to be able to bring people before the throne...pure awe of God!!

May His name permeate all we do! "For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen." - Romans 11:36


Immediacy: A U.S. Plague

I don't know how rampantly immediacy runs in other countries. I would assume any country anywhere near or more affluent than the U.S. has the same problem. I'm talking: I want it, so I'm going to get it now. Right now. No wait. No hold up. This very second.

Shoot. I even find myself being that way at times: I log on to my computer and pull up my browser. If it doesn't produce within a few seconds then I'm mumbling about how slow it is. It may be running slow, which means it may take 30 seconds to pull up. And I complain?! Why? Because I'm so used to getting on and waiting possibly 1-2 seconds.

I would hate to be revisited by a ghost from the 1800s. They would look at us like we're crazy. It could take weeks, sometimes months, before they would even hear of what was going on just 30 miles away. Now we have all that at our fingertips. We can find out within the hour of any major world occurence. And we expect it. And if it's not produced, we pitch fits.

I am constantly haunted by this daily. Patients can call me 4-5 times within one single hour "because I really have to start my antibiotic right away. I spoke with you earlier this morning and it's not at my pharmacy. I thought you were going to call it in."

"Well, sir/ma'am," I say, "there is a process for prescriptions to be sent, even though it's electronic. It may not be until after 5 your prescription will be ready for pick-up. I can assure you we will send it today so that you may hopefully pick it up later today."

1645 hours my phone rings. "Um, yeah I spoke with someone earlier and they told me my prescription would be ready by 5 pm."

HUH?! "That is certainly not what I told you," I want to retort.

Oh if only we could slow down and enjoy the world around us. If we would not be taught "you're going to die if you don't start your meds right away". If we could sit back, enjoy the wonderful blessing of the society we live in even with it's flaws, and take life as it comes without hurrying to rush it along.

I'm going to truly work on that this week. I challenge you to do the same: take time. Realize it's ok to plan but to be ruled by those and let it ruffle your feathers when it doesn't go just as planned is ok. To see that just because you're not getting it right now does not mean you're missing out. Waiting is ok. It's actually good for you. It's a toughy, but try. See where you can get with it.


Little to Say

Not much was created in my day today. Just that wonderful feeling of being plowed over and wondering what happened.

I do have to "pat myself on the back" for the gifts I gave my husband for his birthday. Although his birthday was a few weeks ago, his last gift finally arrived safely after tarrying the Atlantic Ocean from the UK to our porch. Sounds expensive, but I got a great deal through e-bay! And he loved it!

Most people wouldn't be too impressed with what I purchased for him - A Tolkien Bestiary by David Day - but my man was thrilled! Not to mention I had purchased "Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess" for Wii and preordered a copy of the new La Noir, which will be released May 17th (Ben made the wonderful observation it is the same day we pick Louis up). However, my awesome, nerdy hubby thinks its great. He's currently playing Twilight Princess as I type.

It feels good to know even if I may not have that overwhelming sense of accomplishment after a long day of work (and I'm talking 745 AM to 6 PM long), I can come home, relax with my best friend, who thinks the world of me and appreciates me. Just sayin'.


Devestation Beckons an Urgent Response

*NOTE* Before I get into why I made this post, please understand that to me this is another mission opportunity. Lost souls demand an urgent response from Christ-followers to go out into the world, which can and should include but is not secluded to whereever they are now, and "make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:19a)". Period. Both my title and post are not negating this. They were simply formed from the urge in my heart and soul combined with the best possible title/posting I could give with the limitations of the English language. Please read keeping this in mind. Thanks! *END NOTE*

Links to footage and news articles in both devestating situations:
Japan - Raw Footage              Japan - CNN article                Japan - BBC

I know Japan is still recovering and will be for a long time. The South here in the United States is now in devestation as well (I just learned of it last night). The earth is beckoning for a major response; urgency is demanded in these situations. Those who are able to go help in the relief effort should. Those who are able to give financially should. All should be praying that God will work in miraculous ways, heal and comfort the hearts of those who have lost someone or been effected by the devestation in any way (and I'm not saying it will be soon. The grieving process is LONG and HARD! Just that God would meet them in the place they are in), heal those who are currently hospitalized, and harvest those who are ripe for Him.

I cannot even imagine a life without Christ in either of these situations. The overwhelming peace He gives - I would live with constant, life-altering, fear and nightmares just by watching this if it were not for Him.

Dear Jesus, please show those who will that you offer peace even in the most humanly incomprehensible situations! Move in the hearts of those who are able to help physically and financially. Move in the world to lift millions of prayers interceding for those in these situations. May we bond together to make a force strong for Your glory and Your praise!


3 Weeks and Counting...

That's right: the newest member of Ben and my family is due to arrive somewhere around May 17. I cannot wait for little Louis to get here. We already have his kennel set up, food and water bowl arranged complete with a mat, a few toys (which we will probably be buying a few more), and a pillow for him to lay on in our living area.

Louis Scy at 4 weeks
Our Little Louis

It is an understatement to say I am elated. Some say I am worse than an expecting mother. I honestly don't really care. You might think I'm crazy, but I just love animals and couldn't love my little buddy more :)


The Weirdness of Recurring Dreams

This post is prompted by Imagination Prompt Generator:

The question is: "Do you have recurring dreams? What are they about?"

Typically I don't have too much trouble coming up with ideas to talk about. However, as I lay healing in my recliner, I have little to go on. Very, very boring, yet very much needed in this time. So, I averted to this blog prompt.

Anywho; let's get on with it shall we?

This prompt makes me laugh because here is what it takes me back to:

I frequently do have recurring dreams and many a time they revolve around some theme in my life at that time. The most prevalent two recurring dreams I've ever had were in my young childhood; I'm talking before I was 10.

My older sister and I used to have a time getting along. She was as tomboy-ish as a girl could get (aka her dream was to be THE FIRST female hocky player or NFL football player. You know something real boyish along those lines) and I was as sensitive as you could make them (aka cry at the drop of a pin or slightest bit of sarcasm). She was outdoors being rough or playing sports, while I spent my time as alone as ever in the world of books.

This, to me, is the drive behind both dreams - the fact we were not BFF and frequently argued. I will share one of them with you today. Be prepared for length and detail. I still remember it this vividly.

It went a little something like this:

The setting was our families home here in Baton Rouge, LA, we were currently living in (as in we lived there while I had this dream). This house was a rental surrounded by land and just down the road from the levee. Needless to say, just across from us was a ditch that led down from the levee in effort to keep flooding to a minimum during outpourings of rain. The street was lined with trees in its entirety on both sides which made for a nice, straight pathway. My family would frequently take walks or ride our bikes down it.

The dream always began with Lindsey and I standing outside the front door beginning a search for our cat, Ricky. Ricky had been missing for a day or so, which was highly unusual for our friendly animal. Thus we began taking a walk and calling his name.

"Ricky! Here kitty kitty kitty!"

"Ricky where are you!?"

"Ricky, please come home!"

Our lungs screamed and pushed words out as fast as they could. With urgency we scaled the area and continued walking down the street headed towards the levee. The closer to the levee we got, the darker it became. Suddenly, I felt an arm jut out in front to halt me. I looked up at Lindsey's face to see sheer horror plastered across every muscle and widen her eyes. As I looked down to see what had her frozen in place, I began to scream:

"Lindsey! Where did that come from?! Why is there no body with it?"

Down in the ditch, amidst a blood stained the ground were a pair of hands and feet devoid of an attached body and no body near to own them. We were horrified. Our feet were stuck to the pavement as though someone had slapped tar on our shoes and superglued our feet in the shoes. As I remained screaming and Lindsey began hyperventilating, the hands and feet both began to move.

Out of no where, one hand held a shining blade, dripping with blood. Lindsey's will finally allowed her to move, but I remained planted. As Lindsey bolted, I continued to scream for what seemed like hours but could have only been seconds. Not long after Lindsey had begun sprinting did I find my own will to run. As I trailed behind her, the hands and feet began climbing up the ditch.

It seemed as though ages had passed when I finally witnessed Lindsey reach the house and scurry into the door. As I ran up the driveway, I realized the hands and feet had gained on me. I might not make it to the door. Barely breathing, I reached my destination and with angst began attempting to open the door.

My first attempt failed, which I attributed to the panic coursing my vains. So I pulled again. Nothing. It wouldn't budge. The door was locked. Lindsey had locked me outside of the house.

"Help! SAVE ME! Please someone open the door!!" I yelled. I banged on the door. I yelled some more.

Nothing. As my pacing heart gave in to panic, I turned. Just as I did, the hands and feet, jumped towards me. They quickly did their deed. As that occurred, I would always realize I was a spirit looking over my dead body, wondering why my older sister had locked me out.

I always remember having the thought, "I know she doesn't like me but that much?!" This would come just before I would jolt in my bed.

I was maybe 7 years-old when I had this recurring dream. Horrific, I know. Even worse was that for weeks on end it played over and over only to disturb my nights sleep. After weeks of praying and singing the Steve Green song "When I am afraid" from the Hide 'Em In Your Heart children's music tape, the dream finally ceased.

I'm sure I will never forget it, but it has been years since it has tormented me. Not that I don't have nightmares anymore, but I certainly have not had a dream where my older sister allowed me to die in over 14 years. I do think it's interesting because in that dream, amongst many others, I have an answer to most people's question: "If you die in your dream do you die in your sleep?" Of course, most people say you can never know, due to the nature of the question.

However, I say you can. I frequently have seen myself die in dreams. Only to wake up and wonder what happened and where I am. Then I become sad because I realize I'm not dead and I'm not in Heaven. Pardon the depressing thought there, but as an alien in this world and a Soldier for Christ, I frequently find myself longing for my true home. SO, when I wake up from a dream where I thought I died to find myself here, it is a little disappointing.

I love my hubby, my family, and friends more than anything. Well, not more than Jesus, or at least I truly aspire to keep Him first in all. But I'm not wishing myself dead because I have no one here. I'm just sad when I dream I have died and find myself awake in this world because I'm not with the Creator of the Universe, the One my heart is made to glorify and worship!