Worn Out

I don't think there really are words for how tired I am right now. My week began and I thought it was almost the end. Then came Wednesday and I thought it was Friday, followed by Thursday and I thought it was Wednesday. That may help someone understand how long this week has been for me. My brain has been all over the place even though my job demands I write the date and know the day of the week constantly.

Then to come home to my wound up baby who has so much energy it can be 100% annoying at times. I've already told Ben there is no way I will work once we have human children. It is just physically impossible. Props to the moms who have to do it! I already know I won't be able to, unless I can completely control my schedule: aka teaching piano. I would rather be poor, than stress myself out to have "more money". Plus, to "have more money" means that the extra goes to day care or a sitter because I will not put that job on my mom. Plus, if it's this obvious in a dog what time away from mom and dad looks like, I don't even want to know how it would affect Ben and my kids.

It definitely affects my drive to come home and clean, cook, maintain, plan, grocery shop, etc. You name the household chore, it's almost always a guarantee I have no desire to complete it. I honestly would be just fine if I could live off of minimal food, no hygeine, go to work and come home to sleep. That is how worn I am. I don't think it really has to do with poor time management.

Organization and good management of what I've been given isn't the problem. I'm not staying up all hours of the night to achieve normal, every day tasks. I am definitely not having nightmares about a lack of time. Yet, I do constantly walk around wondering if I truly slept the night before or if my body just fooled me by wiping away the hours I was "sleeping" from my memory. To sleep well and know it the next day is a "once upon a dream" for me right now. I hope it decides to come back soon...

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