Sacrificial Love HURTS

Queue the tears please. LOTS and LOTS of them.

Now before I go into the meat of this post, let me start with a disclaimer:
       I am in no way saying giving away a dog is the same as a child. I'm certain it greatly pales in comparison. However, it is the closest analogy I have and somewhat fits. So with that being said here you have it.

The door swings WIDE open when we walk in. Louis' pillow is no longer there serving dual function: comfy rest spot for him, great door stop for the door. There is a huge empty space where his kennel was. The pantry is missing his 25 gallon food storage bin. His water and food bowl no longer reside next to the back door. Leaves are not trailed everywhere. I don't step on toys or hear squeaking. I don't hear claws in a bathtub. I don't have a tiny jingle reminding me I have a tiny shadow. In fact, there is no tiny shadow.

He is gone. Gone to a wonderful home with a wonderful family. Gone to 3 kids who absolutely love him and he absolutely loves (they e-mailed me video of his grand entrance Christmas day). Gone to a home where he will be played with until he's so tired he will go sleep on his bed (boy is that a miracle!). 

But boy does my heart hurt like it's been shattered to a million pieces, rolled over by a mac truck, and then had salt poured all over the innumberable amount of open wounds!

This has to be somewhat like giving a child up for adoption. I know in no shape or form does this truly match the severity of emotions a mother must go through when she decides to go through 10 months of pregnancy only to give up the child she cared for while it developed inside her. I'm doing just that right now and think I would literally die from the heart break. But I still feel the most ridiculous amount of pain I have ever felt by giving Louis away. Raising him over the past 7 months, pouring hours of time into training him, loving him, and caring for him formed such a close bond. There were definitely moments I wanted to kill the pup but all in all it was more love than hate, good than bad. Then to have to hand him over to someone else, even when you know it is in his best interest, is heart wrenching. It is so sacrificial it is almost undesirable. I say almost because the part of me that knew it was best brings me back to reality.

I would rather hide in a hole than love another animal or human being this much to give it away again. Right now I could curl up under the sheets and stay there for days in the dark. The pain of this loss is truly indescribable. I want to run so far away I am detached from anything to do with it. Yet, what is life without love? To not have the pain of losing a loved one means no close bonds, no memories with others, no one to share life with.

I now have a glimpse of how much God loves us. The pain of giving His only Son, whom He had been with before time because They are, for us, the lowly wretched sinners of this earth.  THAT is sacrificial love. Not that I didn't have an understanding of this prior to giving Louis away. It's just now I have had to experience it on a minute scale here. I have a tangible experience to help me see the "WOW" in His unfathomable love. If giving Louis away hurts this bad, how much more so did He feel in such a world-shattering sacrificial love?


Alas, the bawling will commence. How long this must go on I am unsure of but I certainly hope it is not much longer. I'm not sure how much more of the pain I can take. Unfortunately, the only cure is time and only God knows how long it will be before the grief over the loss will have fully been done.

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