It's back...

...and I'm not so sure how I feel about it.

While I'm not complaining it's back, because it definitely is one of those "blessing in disguise" situations, I am praying against it helping in the undoing of my nerves. Which are worn thin from lack of sleep.

I'm aware those last two sentences seem like I'm complaining. I really am not. They are sheer fact in this household running on few hours of sleep. That is all. I promise.

And now I'm realizing I've left you in the dark.

What exactly is back? you ask.

Well, I did a small search of my blog and while I'm not sure I shared this craziness when Zoë was just a wee babe (my lordy I am no fan of how quickly she is growing! By no means is she passed the stage where I can call her a tot, but she really isn't much of a baby at all anymore. In fact, she adamently tells me she isn't one if I ask her "Are you my baby?"), I can asure you: we lived through it with Zoë and I'm reliving it with Aubrey:

phantom crying

And while I am ever grateful the true crying seems to be very minimal right now, starting because I think I hear Aubrey crying...man, that just undoes me. I'm not sure why.

Maybe because the phantom baby cries like something horrible is happening to it.

Maybe it's because the worry every mom has (yes, I'm about to vastly generalize but I'm pretty sure every mom has the worry I'm about to mention.) of whether her baby is really sleeping in their bed or something has gone horribly wrong is playing tricks on my mind.

Maybe it's because I'd almost rather it be real crying I could do something about rather than these purely mentally subconcious cries I have no control over at all, except for to remind my mind they aren't real, they're in my head. (ummm...do I sound crazy? Please don't send me to the psych ward. I'm just running on low sleep.)

But whatever it is, my nerves almost start pumping adrenaline and have me feeling like I could run a marathon in 7 minutes. And while I know I can't run that fast, period, I definitely wish I could get the extra energy it gives me on a constant pump. Without the low it also produces after the effect.

So is anyone with me? Please tell me I'm not the only mom or caretaker of an infant who has experienced this phenomenon. Because if I am, well...then maybe I do need to be seen by my doctor so I can avoid the mental ward.

Because I'm hearing it...again.

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