Something I'm *Re*Pondering

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. But if any of you lacks widsom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind." James 1: 2-6 (NASB)

*sigh*

These words hit home right now. If I'm recalling correctly, my last few posts have been pretty "Debbie Downer". Life is rough right now. And I'm unfortunately focusing on those rough patches rather than leaving my eyes fixed on the Author and Perfector of my faith.

Consider it all joy when a trial is part of your story.

Because I'm into looking up definitions lately, solely so I can have the exact meaning in my mind, here is how Webster defines the word "all": "wholly, entirely." "Wholly" is defined as "to the whole amount or extent; totally; entirely." Since both entirely was part of the definitions of both "all" and "wholly", I looked up that definition too (are you gathering I'm a bit of a nerd when it comes to reading, at times?): "not lacking any parts; whole; complete; intact."

"...all joy, when you encounter various trials." Not part of. Not bits and pieces. Not "I will consider that joy but not this." ALL. The. whole. trial.

My current trial is feeling like I have to battle with my 4 month old to help console her.

Listen to me! Battle with a 4 month old?!

I'm crazy you guys. I take full responsibility for my actions. I will say that part of it is crying puts me on. the. E.D.G.E.

Seriously.

If crying finds its point of no return, my body kicks into full I-need-all-the-chocolate-within-a-20-mile-radius mode.

No lie.

Yet, I do not find myself looking at this phase in my life, which is a full on trial when it comes to testing me and God seeking to mold me into His likeness, as "all joy".

Part of it is a complete dying to self, which I am not always jumping for joy ready to do. I wonder why? *cough* selfish nature *cough* (Sorry. I'm sarcastic.)

Part of it is I did not expect to have a baby who was this vocal. She is laid back. I expected that. But what I didn't expect is that she would be vocal too. It is possible to be laid back but know what you want. Really. I can be like that at times. However, I thought she would be more like her dad who frequently says he doesn't know what he wants, in effort to have everyone get along, and is extremely laid back.

Nope.

She fished and caught from my gene pool on that one.

The bad thing about expectations is it's hard to let them go when they aren't met. And in this one, I must let them go.

If I don't, I will not be able to enjoy my child. I will not find joy in this trial.

I'm thinking a lot about this. This post may be a bit jumbled. But I don't have time to finish it: my little one is getting hungry :)

Just thought I would share where I am in thinking about where I am.

What trial are you facing that you aren't considering all joy?