Pleas of a Sick Mom

Dear Sinus Draining Sniffles,

You greeted us a few aweeks ago when the weather began to grow unbearably warm for April and May. Spring was undoubtedly in the air...and on our cars. You just couldn't contain yourself.

So you decided you'd move in. Indefinitely.

Zyrtec and Benadryl seem to be leaving the premises faster than lightning. They help. Some. Yet, despite our best efforts you've just hung around. I'm pretty sure you're sipping on a nice glass of sarcasm right about now. On my sofa.

Seriously?

I'm begging you: set up camp somewhere else. Or better yet, don't set up somewhere else: disappear. For many, many months forever. Because, as you will see in just a short while, I have another plea to make. And you're the reason that I do.

You've wrecked the sinuses of this home. We can barely stand to breathe. (Literally.) Though you might be credited with giving us amazingly good times for "longest breath held", we'd rather not bear that honor. We'd much rather bare the honor of "quietest breathing technique" or "most exuberant inhalation. ever."

Yeah. Those last two sound much better than the first.

Also, don't you dare touch the ears of my baby or my husband. I suffered enough as is. Ear infections. Ear drum rupture. Antibiotics. Steroids. Antibiotic drops. Oh and all of that lead to antifungal lotion. In my ear. (Yuck!) What the heck? We didn't want the first title. I most certainly wasn't asking for the "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?" award. And I don't want to see it  bestowed to either of my loved ones. Should that happen, you better watch your back.

And so, really. I beg you. Pack your bags and hit the road!

Requesting Our Noses Back,
Frequent Nasal Clearer (Yes. Another title I've been bestowed all thanks to you.)



Dear Crackling Cough,

After SDS decided to camp out, you decided you might as well tag along.

Really?!

And though I would rather not have you, I'm more aggrevated that you decided to set up shop with my daughter. My poor, unknowing 13 month old.

She was not aware of you before now.

She still does not understand how to aid her body in ridding itself of you and all the loveliness you've set up a hotel for in her lungs.

And frankly, you have scared her more times than I'd like to count. (As in I should have never been able to count them. at. all.) Not that I mind holding and cuddling her while she naps; I'd rather not have those cuddles be brought on by a terrified baby who clings to her mother because of the problems you bring.

In other news, none of us like sounding like we've chain smoked for the past twenty-something years. (And that's a feat for my child who has only graced this earth with her antics for almost 14 months!) I'm sure you get a laugh from it. Heck. Sometimes I can't keep from laughing at myself. (It's true, but it's the only perk you give. And it's not worth it when looking at the cons.)

With that being said, we beg you: hibernate. Find some place to recluse yourself and remenisce all on your own. But please, leave this house and home.

And if you feel like it, dig your own grave. And stay there. We would be so honored.

Hoping for the Day Fresh Air May Be Enjoyed,
Tired of Being Confused as a Chain Smoker