Change Change Change

The ever present story of my life right now. Some of it scary, some of it great, a lot of it being faced as "what if's" right now.

In just the past couple of weeks change has weasled its way right under my covers. A little too intimate for me, but I believe God is working on teaching me to continually trust Him despite all the change and fear that seems to arise from change.

If it isn't obvious from what I've said so far, I do not love change. I do not look for it. In fact, I try to keep everything just the way it is. It unfortunately manifests itself in me as OCD in many ways, which I am fortunate to realize and to have had the parents I did. It is 100% due to these facts I usually, with Christ's strength and unabounding love He has lavished on me, am able to realize I cannot expect everyone to be wired exactly as me nor can I expect change to never show its face. I still struggle with it but I at least am able to work myself through it rather than becoming an overbearing thorn-in-the-flesh of all who come in contact with me.

So the changes that have recently come about, whether I've enjoyed them or not:

1) I have recently moved back into the home with my parents. A wonderful change and great place to be for the last few months of my single life. Which brings about another impending change:

2) Getting married in 124 days! Woooo...exciting and scary. I love Benjamin dearly and cannot wait to be married to him :) But it is still scary to think about all the newness that comes with being married. Not to mention I wonder if I will do a good job of being a wife. I'm sure everything will work out and I know God will take care of us, just the idea of a big change yet again forces me to jump in head first into a new phase.

3) This leads me to the change that comes with Benjamin's job. It may come as large as moving to a completely different state with no family there. Not that I'm against it. Especially if it moves us somewhere more north: we both enjoy a cooler climate. It's just knowing I may have to make new friends, I will definitately be leaving friends here behind, and will be starting from scratch is not the most fun challenge I have ever faced. I've done it and will gladly do it again for Ben to be provider, but still.

And if he is offered a job here, all the different possibilities that can come with that job.

The more I type, the more I am reminded, as God constantly is reminding me, to trust Him. The "what if's" are not for me to worry about. The unknown can be seen as a great adventure and a wonderful, new experience in trusting God. Although my flesh frequently does not want to even think this way, I am constantly turning back to the old, yet new realization of how God has everything in control. What we see as bad, whether it truly is or isn't, God can turn into being used for His glory. The entire point of life is to glorify God in all circumstances. Thus, if I take the fear of change and see it as an opportunity to trust and learn of Him, how much of a great adventure will I find awaiting for me? Not a pit to fall into, not another wound waiting to be inflicted, but a wonderful, discovery-filled, great adventure!