The Wait is Over

Wow! I knew it had been forever since I posted, especially with the wedding fogging my mind (in a good way, of course). Hopefully, I will become more in a habit of blogging on a frequent basis...expounding on the day and allowing for mind expansion through thought is healthy, I believe.

Anyway, Ben and I are finally married! It's been 17 days since we said "I do" and I must say I'm loving it :)

It doesn't feel extremely different as far as our relationship goes. It's just nice knowing my best friend will either already be home or coming home after I get home from work. It's enjoyable, in a share-the-burden sort of way, to have to discuss and work out our finances; at least, when we agree it is enjoyable. Fortunately, we haven't hit any big road blocks there yet.

One aspect of marriage I never contemplated is getting your first home organized and made into a home! It's a lot of work: shopping with the gift cards to purchase remaining needed items, washing new dishes/utensils/etc, organizing all the different bills/accessories/rooms (even when its not much space). Just the thought alone makes me tired. However, my wonderful husband helps me with a lot of the organization and has even made comments about how he enjoys doing the every day tasks with me.

Ahhh the newness of marriage! I know it will not always be this way, but I enjoy it. And I enjoy knowing that as time goes on it will only get better because we will have spent more time knowing one another.

I don't know why but this reminded me of an incident with a patient today:

The reason evades me at this moment, but a male patient, with his wife in the room, looked me straight in the eye while saying, "The man it head of the house and what he says goes [or something to that affect]. You can look it up in the Bible; that's excatly what it says."

I looked at his wife, who was retorting, then back to the patient, who was trying to negate her with a higher volume as he repeated himself.

I couldn't listen to this man, who is blatantly incorrect (see Ephesians 5:22-33), without stating what I knew to be right. Not only had I known this reference from previous reading, but Dr. Kevin McKee had used it, at our request, in Ben and my ceremony. So without hesitating, I looked at the patient and said, "No sir, it states the exact opposite of that. Scripture blatantly says the man is to be head of the house as Christ is the church and laid himself down for her. He is to be a servant leader, not dictate." Of course, I paraphrased, but I knew it was close to hitting the nail on the head.

Unfortunately, the man would not listen. I feel terrible for his wife. And I love my husband even more!

I am so grateful Ben whole-heartedly believes what scripture says in Ephesians and honestly strives to be that type of husband.

I am so amazingly blessed by God!

The Wind of Excitement

Yes, it is quite exciting in my life right now. I just bought the bubbles for the wedding and counting down the days make my smile larger and cheeks rosier (yes, I blush quite easily). There is nothing in the world that would stop me from marrying Ben.

I say this only because as Ben and I were eating dinner at my parents last night, my dad decided to pop the most random question: "So do you guys want to back out? Cuz after this point there is no turning back." Oh if you only knew my father. He wasn't being 100% serious but at the same time, I think he was trying to scare Ben, make sure Ben really wants to take this on as a man. Apparently, both our faces showed complete bewilderment due to the unstoppable laughter which bubbled out of my mother. She said we both had the same expression, which in her words was, "What kind of question is that?".

Ben and I have discussed a lot together, drawing us closer and uniting our team more. Knowing that I will be marrying my best friend in 40 days only to begin the rest of our lives together is extremely exciting to me. I have had several people ask me if I'm ready or if I'm scared, and honestly, I'm not. I don't know if it's because of the fights Ben and I have worked through or the strength in our communication, but whatever the reason, I have no ifs, ands, or buts about saying "I do".

I believe it is safe to say that after 9 months of dating and 9 months of engagement, I am spending my last month as a single woman with my "head in the clouds" or "on cloud nine". Ironically, I have spent little time in that "feeling of floating" place. And it scared me quite a bit as people kept talking only of how exciting dating was or how everything was "just dandy" and they hardly fought. Looking back, I am glad it happened this way. Ben and I have such a strong foundation that most people build in their first year of marriage. Thus, I'm hoping our first year will be what most people experience during their engagement.

No matter what, I'm excited about coming home and knowing my best friend will be there!

The dress is out...portraits are Monday :)

I am THRILLED!! I am currently letting the train of my dress down so it can hopefully pull a few wrinkles out before Monday. What is Monday?

Bridal Portraits (and day 54 on the countdown :D)!

I am getting so excited just thinking about being married to Ben. Everyone keeps asking us "where are you going to live?" and "what is he going to be doing?", which are both hard questions to hear right now because we have no answer.Waiting on God's timing has never seemed more difficult, especially due to the fact we wish it was already completely planned out. Yet despite all the difficulties we are facing right now, I'm glad it has not dimmed the excitement of the moment.

Plus, so many people talk about how the first year of marriage is the hardest because it changes the dynamics and because the engagement is usually spent with your head in the clouds. Although I'm sure Ben and I will definitely encounter some difficulties, I can honestly say that we have worked through so many differences over the past year and worked hard on our communication, our first year of marriage will probably be similar to the "head in the clouds" effect most people experience in the engagement. It makes me excited thinking about it, mainly because I have sought counsel from many people who expereienced a lot of fighting throughout the engagement as Ben and I have and they have all said their first year was great. Not without its difficulties, but not what most people experience.

I do have to say I'm beginning to think it is the only positive to a long engagement. Neither Ben nor I wanted a long engagement originally, but then he decided "why wait?". I have actually been an advocate against it, even after we got engaged. But the longer it is and the more we have worked through and experienced together, I have found that the time together has been a great asset to our relationship.

Anyway, all this to expound on thoughts I am continually chewing as my bridal portraits are coming up and the countdown is getting mighty low on the number scale!!!

If you happen to think of us, please, please pray we will continue to trust and follow God's guidance as we are waiting for Him to open the door with one of the jobs Ben has applied for. Also, please be praying for living quarters. We are pretty certain we know where we will live if we have yet to hear of a permanent job for Ben, it's just working out the logistics, taking the time for everything to work out and waiting on God's timing.

Our Self-centered Minds

So I got to thinking the other day, not that we don't know this, about how self-centered a people we are. All people are self-centered but it seems to encompass the heart of the American culture. I include myself amongst all those people, unfortunately.

Anyway, I made a comment about how sweet and friendly one of Dr. Babin's patients was, following it with, "I could take care of patients like that all day long. They make you want to help them."

As I stopped to think about exactly what had parted my lips, I realized how selfish I was to think that way. Of course it would be easy to care for patients like that all day. It's hard to be in a bad mood when the people who are coming to you because they either perceive or truly have an illness are pleasant and carry light conversation with you. It would seem as though you were visiting with someone all the time, which granted isn't my cup of tea due to being an introvert. Yet, I would much rather those circumstances since I have no option to avoid humans in the work world.

However, most patients are not happy when they walk in. They feel terrible and with it comes the grumpiness. They complain about the blood pressure cuff being too tight (Let's face it: the cuff makes EVERYONE feel like there arm is going to be pumped off). They whine about having to step on the scale (some step on backwards or stare at the wall so they don't have to know...and not all of them are overweight). They complain about all the medicine they're taking. They even make sarcastic remarks about how the doctor is going to "yell" (I've never heard him raise his voice and you can hear everything through these clinic doors if they're talking loud enough) at them for smoking (Oh and shouldn't you have never picked up the habit in the first place?!). They will literally find anything and everything to complain about. Although some of them are legitimately sick, others truly have nothing wrong with them physically.

Either way, they are the harder patients to take care of. Not to mention, some you want to slap in the face for how rude they are to you. But, those are the people I am called to love. Some of their ailments may purely be from a spiritual battle they are fighting and do not know it. Some may purely be physical. Some may be a mix of both. No matter the cause, they need care and compassion as much as those patients who have a warm, accepting attitude.

Please understand I am not saying I have ever neglected a patient due to their treatment of me or their attitude. As tempting as it has been, the most I have done is complain to a coworker once off the phone or out of the room. What I am saying, is as frustrating as it may be, I should love the person to the point I am not even complaining about their treatment of me as wrong as it may seem and as frustrated as I may get.

Just a little something God laid on my heart.

Change Change Change

The ever present story of my life right now. Some of it scary, some of it great, a lot of it being faced as "what if's" right now.

In just the past couple of weeks change has weasled its way right under my covers. A little too intimate for me, but I believe God is working on teaching me to continually trust Him despite all the change and fear that seems to arise from change.

If it isn't obvious from what I've said so far, I do not love change. I do not look for it. In fact, I try to keep everything just the way it is. It unfortunately manifests itself in me as OCD in many ways, which I am fortunate to realize and to have had the parents I did. It is 100% due to these facts I usually, with Christ's strength and unabounding love He has lavished on me, am able to realize I cannot expect everyone to be wired exactly as me nor can I expect change to never show its face. I still struggle with it but I at least am able to work myself through it rather than becoming an overbearing thorn-in-the-flesh of all who come in contact with me.

So the changes that have recently come about, whether I've enjoyed them or not:

1) I have recently moved back into the home with my parents. A wonderful change and great place to be for the last few months of my single life. Which brings about another impending change:

2) Getting married in 124 days! Woooo...exciting and scary. I love Benjamin dearly and cannot wait to be married to him :) But it is still scary to think about all the newness that comes with being married. Not to mention I wonder if I will do a good job of being a wife. I'm sure everything will work out and I know God will take care of us, just the idea of a big change yet again forces me to jump in head first into a new phase.

3) This leads me to the change that comes with Benjamin's job. It may come as large as moving to a completely different state with no family there. Not that I'm against it. Especially if it moves us somewhere more north: we both enjoy a cooler climate. It's just knowing I may have to make new friends, I will definitately be leaving friends here behind, and will be starting from scratch is not the most fun challenge I have ever faced. I've done it and will gladly do it again for Ben to be provider, but still.

And if he is offered a job here, all the different possibilities that can come with that job.

The more I type, the more I am reminded, as God constantly is reminding me, to trust Him. The "what if's" are not for me to worry about. The unknown can be seen as a great adventure and a wonderful, new experience in trusting God. Although my flesh frequently does not want to even think this way, I am constantly turning back to the old, yet new realization of how God has everything in control. What we see as bad, whether it truly is or isn't, God can turn into being used for His glory. The entire point of life is to glorify God in all circumstances. Thus, if I take the fear of change and see it as an opportunity to trust and learn of Him, how much of a great adventure will I find awaiting for me? Not a pit to fall into, not another wound waiting to be inflicted, but a wonderful, discovery-filled, great adventure!