Worn Out

I don't think there really are words for how tired I am right now. My week began and I thought it was almost the end. Then came Wednesday and I thought it was Friday, followed by Thursday and I thought it was Wednesday. That may help someone understand how long this week has been for me. My brain has been all over the place even though my job demands I write the date and know the day of the week constantly.

Then to come home to my wound up baby who has so much energy it can be 100% annoying at times. I've already told Ben there is no way I will work once we have human children. It is just physically impossible. Props to the moms who have to do it! I already know I won't be able to, unless I can completely control my schedule: aka teaching piano. I would rather be poor, than stress myself out to have "more money". Plus, to "have more money" means that the extra goes to day care or a sitter because I will not put that job on my mom. Plus, if it's this obvious in a dog what time away from mom and dad looks like, I don't even want to know how it would affect Ben and my kids.

It definitely affects my drive to come home and clean, cook, maintain, plan, grocery shop, etc. You name the household chore, it's almost always a guarantee I have no desire to complete it. I honestly would be just fine if I could live off of minimal food, no hygeine, go to work and come home to sleep. That is how worn I am. I don't think it really has to do with poor time management.

Organization and good management of what I've been given isn't the problem. I'm not staying up all hours of the night to achieve normal, every day tasks. I am definitely not having nightmares about a lack of time. Yet, I do constantly walk around wondering if I truly slept the night before or if my body just fooled me by wiping away the hours I was "sleeping" from my memory. To sleep well and know it the next day is a "once upon a dream" for me right now. I hope it decides to come back soon...

On my Heart

1 Peter 2:24-25

24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree (1), so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness(2); by his wounds you have been healed(1).

25 For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls(3).

I don't have much to say about this right at this moment. It is a verse I am memorizing and meditating. To spend time contemplating and thanking the LORD for what He has done for me and for you and the rest of the world; well, no words are truly able to describe it. I highlighted the parts that stand out to me; I think of it in chunks (I put the numbers next to how this is speaking to my heart at this time:

1) Christ HIMSELF took on the payment for my erred ways. WOAH!

2) This is all so that I might begin a new life, unbound by the old. He loves me that much?! He wanted to take on my debt so I might have a relationship with Him in righteousness. It still baffles me that someone would turn this away. I am also baffled with myself in how even if we have accepted His unending grace, we still stray at times thinking we don't need him. The foolishness of the world, our human ways seem so much more appealing even though we know it's not.

3) What we were, sheep going astray, we no longer are once washed by the blood of Christ. His love for us is so deep, unconditional, and unending, He could not bear to see us lost to our own depravity, thus He gave us the option to choose life with Him.

Wanted to share this. Feel free to share in comments or give feed back.