Exhaustion

I just looked at the date of my last post. HA!

At least I have been journaling quite a bit more. I just have not taken the time to even get on my computer. When I do, I don't stay on long enough to type a hello/goodbye sentence on here.

I find if I am home by myself that I am crawling into bed at 730/8. If Ben is here, I am spending much needed time with him due to his crazy work schedule.

Who knows the next time I will get back on here. It just depends on what my week looks like and how I feel, which right now is not very good as I am trying to ward off a full blown head/chest cold.

Zoë is growing well though. We had our 30 week check up on Thursday and doc said everything is looking good :) Always good news. She has even begun practicing being head down. Please Jesus, let it be permanent once she fully settles into my pelvis! That would be very nice.

'Til the next time folks.

Journaling Day 1

Not that I will continually be counting, but I just had to say I was able and took the time to journal today. It feels good to put a pen to paper with my thoughts flowing out. Sometimes it truly helps me process in a more thorough fashion.


Aside from that my day was really low-key. Thankfully, work wasn't extremely crazy today. I enjoyed feeling Zoë make her little movements on a frequent basis. Although she does kick and/or punch occasionally, she typically has very fluid movements. It awes me to know God is forming her little life right inside of me. I admit at times it scares me speechless to think I will be a mom in 11 weeks, give or take. Had you told me last year this is where I would be right now I would have looked at you like you're crazy and stupid in a single facial expression. 


But God has a funny way of growing and changing us and a lot of times I find He might just laugh a little at my "plans" and help me to learn through them: 


1) I was going to graduate from UCA and find a job in Little Rock. You know, stay in a familiar area. I had lived there 12 years. Why not? But when you wake up one morning to hear God speak to the quiet places of your soul, obedience is key (or you can wait to find out the consequences of disobedience. Your pick). And what did He tell me? "If you are going to live inside My will for your life, pack up and move back to Baton Rouge." "God...do I really have to?!" I had already been bucking so after asking and getting no response I knew what I should do. Am I so ever grateful I listened even though there are times I still miss my old "home".


2) I was NEVER EVER again, after my first relationship, going to date someone I hadn't been friends with for at least two years. Then what happened? I met Ben on Super Bowl Sunday 2009, started dating him on March 14, 2009, was engaged on December 14, 2009, and then married on October 23, 2010. If my calculations are right, that is all in less than 2 years. :)


3) We were NOT going to have children for at least the first two years of our marriage. You know, wait to get pregnant until we'd been married 2 years we could say we'd been married at least almost 3 years by the time baby #1 arrived. Well, needless to say I think you can figure the math on that one with the dates you just read about Ben and my relationship and knowing Zoë is due on March 17, 2012. 


Ok God. I think I get the point. You alone are in control and as great as my plans may sound, I better be ready for whatever ride You take me on.


I have to say it sure is scary at times, but He has been with me through the entirety. He is faithful and He provides just what I need when I need it. Nothing more, nothing less. There are times of blessing and there are rough patches, which many a time are blessings in disguise. Thankfully, He constatntly reminds me of this because as I said before, it scares me to think I will be a mom. To know my life will change in the blink of an eye and all I can do is continually lean on Him...Hopefully, I will choose to continually lean on Him for when I am weak, then He is strong.

To "Decluttering" My Mind

My title hits the nail on the head with what I feel should be a top priority in my life right now. I was reading Little Mrs. Married's blog from yesterday and it got me thinking:

I find myself constantly half-heartedly trudging through my emotions and thoughts on a frequent basis. I rarely take the time to delve into them whether solely in thought or by penning them down for my continually growing self. It isn't that I don't process my thoughts and/or emotions at all; it's more like I simply push them aside whether from extreme fatigue (and let's face it I'm running on low a lot right now between my high stress job and 29 weeks of pregnancy), not wanting to face what may be on the other side, or life's many distractions taking over so that I quickly walk away leaving myself with a sticky-note promise - "FOR LATER REVIEW". But I never make it back. It sits and waits for hours. Then days which sometimes become months.

I understand there will be times for fatigue and schedules to push the delving aside. I just do it too much. Thus, as time passes, the "clutter" of thoughts and emotions begin to build up until I have a hefty pool begging me to drink deeply before it floods over becoming utter chaos. The sad part is sometimes I lose the happy thoughts in the midst of the treacherous tempests and when I go back only the tempest is left to be found. It has swallowed the good with it.

So all this to say, I want to try to take the time on a consistent basis to journal for my own personal sake. It may end up on my blog at times but it at least should (hopefully) find it's way to a page in my personal journal or etched into my memory. I do have to say, however, a paper journal would do more justice as memory is every changing and fading and sometimes hormones make storing a memory almost virtually impossible :]

Thus, here is to "decluttering" my mind and striving to keep it that way!