Tired Tuesday

Literally.

I sat at my desk today and was jolted, what seems a gajillion times, as my head started nodding from dozing off in the middle of my work day. Fantastic! Just what I would want my boss to see me doing: sleeping at work!

I still feel that exhausted now, but I'm attempting to keep myself up just a bit longer so I can hopefully get some good rest tonight and hopefully avoid a 0130 wake up with no sleep after.

The part I'm currently thankful for, though: my puppy is teething and for whatever reason, it hit him hard this afternoon. He didn't want to step out of his den. He ate dinner only because I set it on the floor just to throw it up 5 minutes later because he really wasn't hungry nor did he chew with his sore gums :( However, I am thankful for this because it means he has been extremely low key this afternoon. I don't have to play with him. I don't have to attempt to get his energy out. He has none.

For once Louis is on the same page as me: after work comes sleep (or at least a lot of down time)!

My Lost Love

Although these days do not leave much time for wanting, it is quite frequent I find myself wanting some ivory to tickle. To go from spending much alone time with "my" piano (honestly, 8+ hours a day in college) to practically none has found my heart hurting. If I cannot take time to play some on my iPod, I find myself imagining playing.

I dream of owning a piano some day soon. But for now, imagining will need to suffice.

For now I will dream away...

Healthy Heart

We heard your heart beat on Wednesday, Little One. The ultrasound tech said it sounded very good at 154 bpm. And Dr. Kleinpeter said everything is very healthy. He gave us a 5% chance of miscarriage from now until our next visit on the 19th and a 1% after that. All I know is even though I can't control what does happen, I'm going to take as best care of you by taking great care of myself...hoping to hear your healthy heart again in 2 weeks :)

Here are some pictures from your visit:

Your tiny little self with a healthy heartbeat measuring 154 bpm

Those 4 little bumps (2 upper and 2 lower) will be complete arms and legs with fingers and toes in 2 weeks. Quite amazing!

It's finally starting to settle in. To become real (even though my body lies to the world around :]). I'm going to be a mommy. And Ben is going to be a daddy. Our family is expanding!

I must know: how do people really fool themselves to think that it is not a human forming inside them until they reach a certain point in the pregnancy? Even though I was only at 7 weeks 4 days gestation, there is nothing in me that thought it wasn't a baby. And when you hear the heart beat and see the arms and legs beginning to form and everything starting to take form....not a baby?! Pishposh. Absolutely no way they walk away from that thinking its a blob without completely fooling themselves.

Although these thoughts are not much, its about where I am right now.

This is actually real!

Nervous Nellie. Dear Jesus, HELP!

Okay. So it isn't that bad now, but I sure have had a bout of the worries lately. The beginning of pregnancy is sooo hard! You take a pee stick test and/or a blood test that confirms you are, your stomach wants to jump up and out your throat, the acid in it becomes an enourmous volcano ready to erupt, the simple thought of some foods makes you gag, if you could you would prefer to be asleep 99.9% of the time, you pee so frequently you feel as though every 5 minutes is spent in the bathroom and begin to realize your hands are cracking from the frequency of washing, anytime your boob is touched the tenderness of them stretching is remembered, and you feel like you're shoving crackers down your throat to at least appease to the first three aformentioned symptoms. At least that's how I feel.

BUT...you can't feel the baby growing inside of you. You can't feel the pulse of the little heart that has already begun to pump blood by week 6. (I'm at week 7 as I type this...at least that's my guesstimation with all the info.) And there is no baby bump. Just some extra gas in there to add to my other symptoms to make me feel extra great.

At first I kept thinking: What if the baby is already gone? Or...What if I'm not doing something right? What if its twins? What if they don't find the heartbeat in the first ultrasound? What if, what if, what...

STOP!

Can I control this? NO!

Does worry help this? Absolutely positively NO!

"So why are you worrying, child?" - Jesus

Oh Jesus! Help me to give this precious life to you!

Seriously, my thoughts. I feel like my brain is on this crazy roller coaster. And praying incessantly that Jesus will protect this little life He has blessed Ben and me with however He sees fit is not always easy. But is brings so much peace. Not of this world peace. God's peace.

Am I still nervous? Yes.

It is my first OB appointment and US.

But does it have to rule me? NO!

Ahhh...resting beside those quiet waters of sweet tranquility given only when I give all to Him. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Where would I be without you, Jesus?

Finished...Maybe I'll Read it Again

WOAH!

That's about what my mind thinks whenever I begin processing the book I just completed: A Love that Multiplies by Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar.

I couldn't get enough of it as I read page after page after page. And now that I'm done, I kind of want to pick it back up again. (I think I need to pray for a thirst and hunger to read the Bible like that. What is it about other books that attract most of us so much more?)

The Duggars have worked so hard to be, what seems, such a close knit family. Even though I don't agree 100% with everything they do because of some differences, I have a lot of respect for the way they strive to live, discpline their children, and the fact they are debt free. (That is serious! Especially in this day and age.)

I find I could use some of their child-rearing techniques with my dog. (Maybe I'm crazy, but I sure do feel like he pushes me to my limits and makes me boil over easier than I would like to admit.) Even today he tested me by ringing the bells (our signal he has to go potty) what seemed to be EVERY 5 MINUTES because he wanted to be outside in the 97 degree weather. No thank you! I will not have it, but he just sat their and smiled at me like, "See mom, this could be really fun if you just pant and enjoy the rays. See?"

And their grocery bill: what is it they purchase and how to they keep it stocked just right so that they don't go overbudget? Not that I go over budget, but there are times I wonder if we're going to make it within the limits. Maybe we need to go on a rice and beans diet :) Something cheap, because meat definitely isn't. Although I must pat myself on the back for the occasional sales I will hit and get a $11 bottom round roast for a little under $6. And produce? Not the cheapest. I always get the cheaper items but that still doesn't seem to cut it back so great at times.

I'm trying to get into couponing. It takes a lot of energy though. Energy I can't seem to find after a 40+ hour work week. I come home so pooped all I can think is, "Food in mouth. Feed dog. Take dog out. Clean mouth. Go to bed." My older sis has shown me a great resource for this, Passion for Savings. If you sign up for the updates she can keep you up on coupons that are coming out, sales, and maximizing all your info to get the best prices on everything. And yet, I still find myself struggling to get there. I do well if I can find a coupon or two that I can use on the items I have to get.

My brain is all over the place...started with talking about a book and ended with couponing. I think I'm going to go relax...