Beginning to Cram

Yes. I am a procrastinator at heart. I am the person who would know about a paper all term, do just what I needed to barely get by, and stay up until 3am the night before it was due pouring over books, taking in the coffee, and finishing the 15 page term paper in one fell swoop. Thankfully, I don't have term papers anymore (at least that is if I never go back to school).

However, I have procrastinated (and continue to I might add) when it comes to getting myself organized preparing for little Zoë's big debut. I am now getting to the place where I know I need to make lists of needs to properly care for her and "those things that must get done before she arrives". I am mentally beginning to put them into place but I'm just not quite there yet. I have a feeling my "nesting" instinct will somewhat revolve around those. I pray I won't wait too long to finish whatever shopping for necessities needs to get done. I'm barely starting to think about packing bags though I should be giving it considerable amount of thought since 1) I have never packed for a baby before and we're staying with my mom for the first week since Ben won't take off until the week after and 2) my due date is almost only 2 weeks away. I could go in to labor any day now.

So what am I doing?

Sitting on my couch relaxing, contemplating if I want to watch a movie and relax or get myself ready to go to bed.

Here's to further procrastination!

As the Time Draws Near...

...I am beginning to settle in with reality.

I am continually hearing myself say, "I'm ready but I'm not ready." Hopefully, you can understand where I'm coming from. If not...oh well. I don't know how to say it any better.

I am ready:

• for Zoë to arrive
• to be through with swelling, the bruised rib feeling, and the other "lovelies" of pregnancy
• to eat what I want without having to watch it as closely
• to not eat eggs practically EVERY. STINKING. DAY. OF. THE. WEEK. (can you tell I am no egg lover?)
• to have my bodily functions back to myself and not have a little resident who loves to cuddle with my bladder
• to not have so much difficulty swapping sides in bed. Just to roll from left to right feels as though it takes an act of Congress!

I am not ready:

• to completely face this challenge of parenthood. I know no one ever is but right now it seems so very overwhelming especially with certain decisions Ben and I are facing right now. Change seems to permeate my life, even if just the idea of it in a discussion, and frankly I'm beginning to get quite mad at God for it (don't worry -I'm discussing it with Him and asking Him to help see me through all this)
• to totally give up the bond of having sweet Zoë inside me. I am most definitely uncomfortable now but I still love being able to feel her movements and know I will miss it even with her in my arms. Men must think we women are C-R-A-Z-Y!
• for the feeling of failing my child, because I know it will come no matter how hard I try to love her God's way. I am human. I will fail. Oh Sweet Jesus, help me to lean on You!
• in the physical, have everything together, car seat installed, all the knick-knacks and odd & ends here and properly stowed away. And NO this is not my "nesting" instinct. This is "Megan likes to have everything together and organized 98% of the time" (who knows what my nesting instinct will look like considering I stay on top of most everything...I'll probably re-clean everything a 3rd and 4th time. HA!).

That is about where I am living right now, amidst the crazies of my work schedule. I am ever so thankful I have a wonderful hubby who is willing to sacrifice to work hard so I can stay home with our child. What a huge blessing! This means that possibly in 3 weeks or less I will no longer be working in corporate America but fully employed house-wife. Holy smackers! Time is ticking away...

Growing Pains

Sweet Little Bean,

I am ready to meet you. At this moment I wish I could say it is solely because I wish to meet you, but alas it is not. You have overjoyed in finding every position to make my entire back sore; not just my lower back because I carry you "all out front" as everyone loves to comment on. I am learning just how stubborn you may be as it has become your fancy to punch and/or kick me after I relieve your "pillow" (aka my bladder). You seem to grow in the middle of an already tight Braxton-Hicks, which is exactly the moment I wonder if I'm going to pop because it seems my body cannot physically stretch any more. The heart burn from everything including water rages my throat with a burning pain. Oh and you have completely cramped out my innards so that going to the bathroom is top priority and yet seems highly unattainable these days. It is for this last reason I drink unreasonable amounts of water. Thankfully that is doing it's job to keep my system flushed and help me to lose retained fluid quite easily with propped up feet. All of this is why I am oh so ready to meet you at this very present moment.

And although all these not-so-wonderful situations are quite annoying, they are ever so trivial in the grand scheme of your development and I am beyond grateful they are my only "problems". I would take all those discomforts any day with the blessing I have knowing you are developing properly in your cozy first home. Even though I wish you will come before your EDD, I am glad to know everything seems to be just fine for you in there. Keep growing little one! Soon you will be in my arms and I know some part of me will miss all my current discomforts because I will no longer have you attached to me 24/7. BUT that is exactly how I want it, for without you here in this world the entire purpose of carrying you is void, and hope God will bless you with a healthy little life.

Love,
Mommy

A Day to Cherish

Nothing way out of the ordinary happened. The hubby and I don't get into all the over-commercialized holiday garb of Valentine's Day. In fact, we didn't even buy anything for one another. He did make a really really sweet card and draw an awesome picture on the front of it (I grabbed one of those artsy-fartsy folk and I LOVE THAT ABOUT HIM). Melt. My. Heart. I teared up when I saw it and read it.

However, with that said, it is probably the last day, for a while, we will get to spend just for ourselves. All alone, wrapped up in each other and dreaming together. I'm not saying that will go away once Zoë is born. It just may not be as frequent for a while considering our budget is tight so an entire day of aloneness will be a rareity. But today was oh so sweet. Time to just enjoy one another. He is always off on Tuesdays as his "weekend" is Sunday and Tuesday off from both jobs. We couldn't do an actual weekend get-away as there is almost NO way for him to get off at FedEx on Saturday, plus he needs to save the vacation for little bean's arrival. So I took off from work today and we simply enjoyed being together.

Getting up late.

Surprising mom with a bouquet from us and my older sister and bro-in-law.

Eating out at a nice restaurant.

Purchasing the paints so I can finish Zoë's canvas painting which will be hung above her crib.

Going to the movie.

Talking.

Laughing.

Cherishing the time we have with one another by just being with one another.

This day will forever be tucked into my memory. A sweet blessing from my Heavenly Father who loves me greatly and has blessed me far beyond my wildest dreams!

Love Letter Link-Up

So my sister, A Dollop of My Life, is doing a nifty link-up for Valentine's day. I thought I would join in on the fun just because I liked the idea. Some of you may, however, find more incentive in that she is doing a give away with the link-up. So for those who wish to share the love:




And now for my letters:
To Ben, My Prince Charming:
I am ever so thankful to have you in my life! Although it is only a short time we've been together, I am grateful for the memories we've made and shared so far. I can only hope God will grant us many, many more.
I am continually reminded of how wonderful a husband I have. 
All the hard work you have put forth to ensure our family is provided for is such a blessing. You heart is truly in it and I am pretty sure I have never heard a complaint from your lips about the amount of work you have set before you. Knowing you love me in this way means so much to me. There are many times I wish you did not have to and yet I am ever grateful knowing it is because your heart for God and your love for me and our little Zoë you work so diligently. I hope and pray God will bless you ten fold for your diligent heart.
Your servant heart has blessed me tremendously throughout this pregnancy. The way you have stepped up to help with preparing our lunches, fixing breakfast, and ensuring I was getting my morning protein all while making sure I am cared for is forever etched in my memory. And to know you do it solely because you love me. You do not seek any self-gain in any form because you help with these duties.
I cannot wait to see you with Zoë! To see you become excited as we've put up the crib, washed clothes, and put together many of her other "appliances"gives me warm fuzzies :) You are going to be such an awesome dad! The love you show for her now I know will only grow. And not to mention the smiles brought to my face when you ask if you're going to be able to take her on dates. You may not feel like it but our daughter will be so blessed to be able to call you her Daddy!
Thank you for loving me the way you do! I am soo blessed Ben to call you mine!
I LOVE YOU!!Meggers
************
To My Little Zoë:
I cannot believe your time to join us in this world is drawing close!
You continue to grow and find new ways to "cuddle". At least that's what I call it. My guess is you will love being held close when you're with us. You have found every tight spot you can to scooch in to just to be closer.
I love you so deeply! I didn't even know I could love you this much before I have met you. I hope that you will know how much you are loved. I pray I will be able to love you for who you are, not working to change your personality but to help cultivate it so you become a woman of God.
Little Bean I hope and pray you continue to grow healthy and strong and enter this world so. You are so precious to me!
I LOVE YOU :)Mommy

Gettin' Closer...

...and she's HEAD DOWN! We had another great check-up today AND I'm stoked: my OB said she is head down and will likely stay that way. He also said he will definitely be able to tell next week which starts weekly visits and the wonderful pelvic/internal exams :) 34 1/2 weeks down. Only 6 1/2 to EDD (Dear God, PLEASE let her come on time!)!!

I cannot believe how time has flown! The closer it gets the more excited and nervous I become. The little Bean has become quite large and takes most of my space up. Can't really complain though because that is better than the alternative of her not growing. And on top of it all, the only real problem I've had is lower extremity edema which my OB said is normal and is of no concern because I'm getting plenty of fluids (I would die if he had said otherwise as I have upped my fluid intake to 6 1/2 to 7 32-oz bottles of water/day. That's 208 to 224 fluid ozs a day folks) and my blood pressure is great! Eating healthy, walking the stairs multiple times a day, and good genes are paying off.

Let the clock keep tickin' :)

A Quick Catch Up

As I just noticed my last post was almost a month ago I thought I could do a quick month in review. Life has been so absolutely  crazy around here with frequent schedule changes, appointments, and many different events, though some of them our normal weekly activities, filling up our time.

Zoë continues to grow well and my OB visits have been great. My two big "problems" right now are 1) ankle swelling, yet thankfully no kankles yet :) and 2) irregular BMs. For the first I've been told to intake more fluids and keep my feet elevated. Thankfully, as I work on the phones for my doctor it is a bit easier to keep them propped up. For the latter, I've been told to increase fluid intake as I'm already taking 2000 mg (2g) total of fiber daily. The unfornate part of the fluid increase: I already drank 4-5 32 oz bottles of water daily. Increase to what? 6-8 of them. My body is adjusting but I definitely feel like a fish out of water at times. I didn't know one body could take in so many fluids! I have my last "2 week" check-up this week and begin weeklies the following week. I cannot believe how quickly time is flying past!

In continuation with baby update, this past month has consisted of many blessings. God has blessed us through many family, friends and aquaintences to provide us with our stroller, crib, infant seat, bouncy seat, a plethera of clothes, diapers, to name a few.

Life has been hard and extremely busy, but good! This past week even seems a blur. I am hoping that after this next week, which also presents many schedule changes, there will be a bit of "down time" to be had before Zoë arrives. I am excited and nervous about all the newness getting ready to take place, but even more than that I want time to be with Ben just us before our world is changed forever. In a good way, but changed none the less.

Part of me is grieving over knowing we will be losing our time to just be a couple. The time for him to come home where we only have ourselves and the time God has given us to continue to grow this new relationship. I know God would not have allowed this at this time had He not thought we were ready. I know we will still have time for just us because we will fight for it so that our relationship does not lose it's focus on God and then each other but my heart aches for the time to just be one with each other with nothing else fighting for our attention. I hope we will use the little time we have left like this to its greatest advantage.