I've been a bit occupied...

I am visiting my older sister and her family this week :) Enjoying my time with her family. The car ride up wasn't too bad either - and my little sister and mom agreed! I'm blessed with a sweet, sweet girl! Anyway, that's why I've been even more out of touch than normal. I'll be back soon. Won't have too many pictures to show for it but that's ok :)

Toodles!

Five Question Friday

1. Are you a napper?

Funny thing: I used to be. I would even nap in my car, if it wasn't blistering outside, during lunch. And if it was and I was desperate, I would even nap in one of the exam rooms at work. Gross but I try not to think about it.

Anyway, I digress on that. Now I find it hard to nap. New baby...well she's 10+ weeks now. For whatever reason, even if I have nothing to do I can't even find a way to make what everyone tells you - "nap when she naps" - work. Bummer because I sure could use them!

2. What was your favorite subject in school? Most hated?

Favorite - anything science on the anatomy/biology related scale. And even Chemistry wasn't so bad.

Most hated - intro philosophy in college but probably more because of the prof than the actual subject. I don't think I really took many classes I abhored. I enjoy learning. What can I say?

3. Did you have the something old, new, borrowed and blue at your wedding? What were they?

Yes.

Old: my maternal grandomother's wedding set. She passed when I was a wee baby and my mom had them fixed up for me in place of getting a high school ring. One of my favorite gifts to this day :)

New: my shoes. And they were AWESOME!! I would show you but I don't have a photo I can post from my wedding that will give proper credit to my great photographer and I can't find a picture of them online :( But let me paint a picture for you: they were chuck's with the Robert Indiana LOVE design over the ENTIRE shoe in red and the background was blue. Yes. I wore chuck's at my wedding! :D

Borrowed: My mom's pearl bracelet :)

Blue: Though it wasn't completely blue - the garter was Captain America themed and had a blue ribbon through the center with a Captain America Shield pin. My nerd/geek hubby LOVED it (I'll go ahead and pat myself on the back for that one :))

4. What one thing are you determined to do this summer?

Find ways to enjoy the outdoors with my Zo Zo even though I'm sure it will be sweltering. We will probably be seeking the shade of many a tree but she's happy outdoors so I have to find a way without burning my fair-skinned child!

5. Ice cream or Popsicles?

Geez...even my husband saw this one and wondered how I was going to answer. I love them both so much. I guess I'll choose Popsicles this time since summer is quickly approaching... oh wait! Summer came at the end of April in this wretched state that only knows 2 forms of summer: sweltering and enjoyable with "make sure you have an other layer to put on at night". 

Silent Reflux: The Culprit Identified

And it was working on killing us both: me by taking my sanity and Zoë with her lack of sleep.

My momma instinct was screaming inside of me: "Something is wrong! This cannot just be pure colic. Your sweet baby is screaming in pain. SOMETHING IS WRONG!!"

But I thought I couldn't be right. The pedicatrician assured us it was just colic and would eventually go away. And it would have. But I don't think little Zo Zo hitting the three month mark would have done the trick. And for the record: I love our pediatrician. She is awesome. But she is also human and doesn't know everything. She can make mistakes too. Not saying I'm not guessing but the proof is in the pudding. And let me tell you, it's good!

Okay, so anyway...

My momma instinct burned inside of me. It questioned. It wrestled with itself. It grew weary. It lost it's sanity. And yet I still just couldn't put it out of my mind: something was most definitely making my sweet girl severly uncomfortable. And it was growing worse by the day. Between heart-wrenching, pain filled (and it was seen in her body language too) screams and the 45 minute intruder, which was also stealing her sleep, my baby was not sleeping the way they say babies do. I could count on one hand...no, okay I'll just tell you - she was getting less than 3 hours of sleep during the day. Even with being comforted in the Moby. Thankfully, she was sleeping at night. But then I guess I would too if I didn't sleep all day and I was supposed to be getting minimum of about 6 hours of daytime sleep plus whatever I got at night.

After the initial appointment, around 3 weeks of age, one of my girlfriends suggested I go ahead and ask for the medicine. I should have listened but between not trusting my own instinct and Ben agreeing with our ped, I didn't. I continued on listening to screams on a daily basis. I bought the Moby so I could have my two hands. And my instinct continued to pound on the cell I had locked it in.

It pounded so hard I finally decided to look harder into reflux signs. I had searched before but everything I had found gave very little information. My sister had told me about a blog, KellyMom, that had a lot of information on breastfeeding but is full of other resources as well. So I searched. And read different posts. And it talked about silent reflux. And listed symptoms of reflux. And I was pointing out to myself how Zoë has a majority of them.

Not long after reading the blog, one of my girlfriends could hear Zoë crying over the phone. I had never said a word to her about how she seemingly screamed in pain. She just knew Zoë had colic. The second she heard Zoë, she was asking me questions I had been continually asking myself. Not only that but she stated how it sounded like she was in pain.

So finally, my momma instinct called the pediatrician. And I asked for reflux medicince. The ped had told us originally if we wanted she would prescribe a medicine for reflux if we decided we wanted to try it, even though she was almost positive it was just colic. Well, I wanted to try it.

And here we are on day 5 of the medicine. Day 1: everything seemed to be the same as before. However, I wasn't so sure of the best way to give her the medicine and I'm not so sure she really got a full dose.

Day 2: started like most days but by the end of the day my heart was leaping for joy. A day of only the normal fussy reasons for a baby?! REALLY!?!? I kept my hope down though. "What if it wasn't the medicine and God just granted you one really good day." So my hope waited in the back corner of my heart.

Day 3: I found an extremely happy baby waiting to start her day. And it continued. All day. She was even going down for "night night" without a hitch. I was still knocking on wood but my heart was finding more room to think this might be our new reality.

Day 4 & 5: my heart has been singing the Hallelujah chorus ever since we woke up yesterday. Ben has noticed the huge difference. My mom noticed a huge difference (she also noted if you want to keep Zoë occupied and happy turn on a ceiling fan :))

My happy baby has returned! She has normal awake periods and is her happy, contented self (the way she innately was in utero). She talks a majority of her awake hours. And, except for that blasted 45 minute intruder, she takes her naps during the day. It makes me sad I waited so long, but at least it's fixed now. Thank you, Lord, for medicine to help with these problems. And thank you for allowing my instinct to keep pushing.

Now this momma can enjoy her bundle of joy so much more and not wonder what is stealing that bundle's joy!

My Little Talker

Zoë is talking more and more daily. Such a sweet girl! I have to say I am so unbelievably bummed I didn't capture her face better. I know I will have more moments to capture her, but she was being so cute in this moment and I wanted to have her face captured :/ I was in a rush to get the camera going though and so putting it on the tripod completely slipped my mind. Oh well. If you enjoy just listening to babies talk, then you will still enjoy it :) (just ignore the weird way I talk to my baby girl)

2 Months Old

No...I can't be typing that title...right? I mean she was just born?!?!

*SIGH*

They grow so fast. I guess that's one of the reasons I'm grateful she loves her cuddles: I get the opportunity to give her a little baby-sized "I love you so much" squish a lot :) Then I cherish the moment in my heart forever.

I'm a few days late in posting this as she turned 2 months old on mother's day. And although I didn't get any great pics of just her (or really from the dedication for that matter :/), there is a candid one that, though blurry with as much cropping as I had to do, she is melt my heart, oh soooo adorable!!!

OH MY GEEZ I JUST WANNA SQUISH HER I LOVE HER SO MUCH!

I honestly didn't know I could love someone that much. Totally different from the type of love I have for my wonderful hubs, but geez. 

Here's a pic of the entire fam :) Of course Zoë decided to become fussy in our shoot so...this is the best we could get. Love those baby feet!

We dedicated her to the Lord on Sunday - Mother's Day and her 2 month birthday! I wish we had better pics. This one would be my absolute fave but it's blurry :(

She was the youngest baby dedicated in this service so she had the honor of being held by our pastor, Dr. M. Kevin McKee or as I like to call him Mr. Kevin :) Too cute!

Mommy's arms are very, very comfy for sleeping!

My brother was awesome and videoed it for us. However, I can't upload that stinkin' thing to my computer. Not sure why so maybe one day I can put snippets of it up, but for now the pics will do.

Zoë, my little Sweet Pea,

I can't believe your daddy and I have been blessed to call you ours for 2 whole months! Time is flying past us and I sometimes wish it would just stand still. Though, I do believe you and I both will be glad when your colic is gone. You're working on it though - growing like a wild flower (which mommy thinks will help the colic since she also thinks the colic is due to a digestive immaturity). And just so you know, this blog post took me all day to write because of your colic :) You just need a lot of TLC!

We had your 2 month check-up a little over a week ago. You measured 23" long and weighed in at 11 lbs 3.5 oz! You're in the 75th percentile for height and 50th for weight. It appears you are tall, at least for now, like mommy and daddy. And, my dear, you were a trooper with 4 vaccines - 1 oral and 3 shots! We only had to give you one dose of tylenol and give you some extra cuddles. Other than that no one would have known you had been given 4 vaccines. Daddy even said he hopes it goes that well when we go back for your 4 and 6 month check-ups (I completely agree with him!).

So here is what you have been up to:

• You smile almost all of your waking time now (that is, when colic isn't stealing your joy). Your very first smile occured about 3 1/2 weeks ago as we were starting day 3 of nonstop crying (you were going through a growth spurt). Let me tell you, you made my whole day that day! Such a sweet, sweet moment.
• You are talking more and more. You even made daddy jump yesterday as you were listening to music on your play gym and let out...I guess I would call it a squeal of delight. Whatever it was was definitely a happy sound and totally surprised him, made me smile.
• You think it's funny when I squish my nose back at you (you do this a lot) and produce a huge smile in response
• Gigi also found that you like when she puts her lips together and makes pooty noises at you (sorry, sweet girl, but that is the only way I know to describe it)
• You eat about 6-7 times a day with the occasional 8 times a day
• You sleep, technically, from about 8 at night until 630/7 the next morning. I say technically because your last meal is a dream feed somewhere between 930 and 11 which you have sometimes woken up for. Daddy and I are loving the, at least, 5 hours of sleep we're now getting a night!
• You have started to wake up happy in the mornings: smiling, kicking your feet in delight, and smacking your lips ready to eat. SO CUTE!
• You have succesfully scooted yourself off the play gym mat with your extremely strong legs earlier this week. You haven't really been into tummy time the rest of week so I'm not sure how much you will repeat that.
• Needless to say, you haven't rolled over from tummy to back again
• You wear size 2 diapers at night and mommy is very sad because she just bought you your last pack of size 1 diapers. You are growing so fast little one!
• You still wear 0-3 month/3 month onesies but you won't be in them much longer!
• You are getting better with going to sleep on your own at night. It's taking a little bit of work but your fussy time is getting less and less. 
• If you had your say, I'm pretty sure you would prefer to be held 24/7 though you are learning to play independently and love laying on your back on the play gym mat or in your pack n' play under the mobile.
• You have a temper all your own - we are going to have to teach you to use that iron will for good :)

If I'm leaving something out I don't know. What I do know is you are such a sweet, sweet blessing, Zoë! Daddy and I are so blessed to call you our daughter. Your blossoming personality is beautiful. We would take you in a million years. You are so full of life and I cannot wait to see how God will use you for His glory one day (how we pray you will follow Him, princess). You couldn't make us more proud!

Love you forever,

Mommy

Quick Update & 5QF

So here is to an easy post. I don't want to spend a ton of time telling about what's going on now...I just don't :) I'd rather cherish it in my mind.

SO...

I do have to say my little sweet pea is growing too fast. Ben came and pulled me out of the bedroom this morning saying, "Mom, you might wanna come see this."

I asked, "What? She rolled over?"

No. She didn't roll over. She had used her very strong, long legs to almost push herself off her play gym. Tummy time turned into working to scoot herself forward. This cannot be happening. Seriously?! I know we're still a ways away from true scooting to get where she wants but...SERIOUSLY?! Ugh...they grow so fast!

What does melt my momma heart is we are full blown smiling :) A lot! And I have had her smile back at me several times. Dad has even been the receiver of it. Precious! Haven't captured it with a phone camera or real camera yet, though I've tried. But soon. Oh very soon I hope.

Anyway...

Here is 5QF:

1. What advice would you give a couple getting married?Hmmm...well lets see, considering I've only been married a year and a half, I still feel extremely new to this. Technically, I think we are still considered newly weds (I think they say that about married couples until they're what...2 years married?...something like that). Even if that's not right, I still feel new at this and I have a 2 month old to reckon with that newness.
So...
Communication takes work. Lots of work. You will find what you say may not mean exactly what you wanted it to. Sometimes because your tone of voice and/or body language is off. Sometimes because your spouse doesn't communicate like you (there's a shocker!) so he/she didn't take it how you meant it. However, if you take time and put forth effort it is so unbelievably worth it to work hard at it. 
Ask questions to make sure you understood properly. WAIT to work out a fight if you need to take a breather so you don't say something you regret later. Don't assume he/she knows what you mean by a particular phrase. When they ask you what you want, tell them because more than likely they can't guess by clues you give them (maybe girls do this way more than guys, so I might be speaking to the female side of things, but I know my husband has done this a time or two).
WORK, WORK, WORK, WORK, and did I say WORK at it! 'Til death parts you it will take work. BUT - You will not regret it!
2. If you could tell your 16-year-old self ONE thing, what would it be?Well, considering I have always struggled with postitive self-image (both physical and thinking I was not worth anyone's time) and back then it manifested itself in hiding my true self, I would probably tell myself this:Be real. Hiding is hard work. It is not worth it. God designed you just as you are. He desires to know you. The real you. He wants you to share that with others, too. Don't worry about how other's will respond to that. Some will be drawn to it, others will not. But what truly matters is allowing God in, to build a relationship with Him that will pour over into other's lives. You are worth time because you have something to share with the world:Matthew 5:14-16 (NASB) "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven."
3. What do you do to keep yourself cool in the summer? (AC, windows, fans, swimming, etc.)I would have to say AC. Or if it provides enough shade and cool breeze, a tree in a park. I may get into a pool if one is handy (no membership to anywhere - though I'm not a big fan of public pools, don't know someone who has one) 
4. What did you (or your wife) crave most while pregnant?Considering I just finished that time in my life, and boy do I wish I could skip that entire experience if we have another child, this is an easy answer. Because I only had one craving: Avacados. I still love them. I could eat one, no three, a day and still possibly not tire of them. 
5. Who is your favorite TV mom? Why?Well, considering we actually don't have cable or even the basic channels (not able to get HD signal...believe me we've tried), I'm not up-to-date on who's out there right now. And honestly, before that I stuck to mostly Everybody Loves Raymond. Hilarious show. Not something to be modeled at all, but I think that's kind of the point. It rides on the stupid things no one should do when married, but not sure I could say Deborah is my favorite TV mom...so...can I cop out and say I don't have one? I guess I'm gonna have to.

Count Your Blessings

So I had every intention of beginning this post with a picture of the plaque hanging above my kitchen sink. The title of this post is exactly what it reads. And it has been a great reminder of how in these long weeks of feeling inadequate, crazy enough to be admitted, angry enough you understand just how fleshly you are and are able to relate to those parents you see on the news, blessings still abound underneath it all.

Zoë may scream until daylight is gone. She may need way more TLC than most babies. She may scream at me angrily when it doesn't go her way (yes, I believe a baby this age is fully capable of having wants and trying to demand them).

My flesh may not want to be responsible 24/7 for a child solely because I want me time without interruption. My anger may start to boil in response to her anger or my inability to console her. Fatigue may overcome me.

And yet if I don't take the time to count my blessings, I get lost in the negative, never to gain back all the blessings I could have been cherishing. Just to name a few:

• As for now, Zoë has no health issues - every well-check we have been told she is 100% healthy. For that matter, our entire little family is healthy!
• Ben works his tail end off to ensure we are cared for
• My amazing husband also desires for me to stay home with our children so he works 2 jobs just to pull that off (oh are we ever praying God will provide one job to do the trick!)

Those are the three "biggest" blessings in my life right now. There are too many to count aside from that and I didn't think anyone would really want to read them so I count over them at different times of the day. Doing so brings me back to the reality this phase in Zoë life that seems to make my hair stand on end will be short lived. As long as I can spend time throughout the day, especially in the hard moments, reminding myself there are way more blessings and each difficulty will bring about good if I allow it that is a good day.

It's helping me to learn that a "good day" can't be based off of how crummy it may seem. Am I breathing? Am I healthy? Can the same be said of Ben and Zoë? Are our needs met? If I can answer those questions with a yes, then it was a good day. Now you will still probably hear me say it was a good or a bad day. Old habits die hard and that's not one I'm really feeling the need to kick, especially with out culture and the way we communicate. But what I am aiming for is trying to remind myself that good on my terms isn't necessarily good on God's and aiming to see life through His eyes.

Sorry for the rambling. That has been on my chest and needed to put it in writing.

Moby Wrap to Save the DAY!

Oh Moby!

How I have fallen for you! I do believe we have begun a long term relationship. If you continue to step up how you did this morning, we just might save my sanity and bring it back home. You will also make a treasure out of what once was my precious baby's hours of lost naptime.

And dear friend, you will get a rest as well, for my little love bug is trained well in night time sleep. You will see few dawns as God has graciously aided her in learning there is no wake time between her dream feed and 6 A.M.

In only a few hours time I noted you gave me back my hands, Zoë her sleep, and peace of mind for us all! I pray this was no tease.

Your Newest Admirer,

Zoë's Mommy

Talking to My Duck Friend

So we're borrowing my sister's play gym, which has a few small stuffed animals hanging from it. Zoë, for whatever reason, is most enamored with the duck. If she's gonna pipe up a convo, it will be with the duck.  Thought I'd share one of the glimpses of happy moments we get around these parts. They're what I focus on when I feel like I'm going under. Definitely cherished!

Before you watch it, know she takes her time and this is at the tail end of it...I kind of missed the more babbly part of her session :/ And she does get fussy at the end :)

This is My Life

A picture is worth 1000 words...

...and these are nothing pretty!

But even the faces in these two pictures don't sum up colic or how Ben and I feel right now. I hate how fast Zoë is growing up and yet I can't wait for some of the months to pass so I can slightly retrieve my sanity and she can enjoy life around her without fussing so much.

I've tried changing the diet. And putting her next to a dryer. And car rides. And going out on a walk. And you name it we've probably tried it.

Car rides work at times but who has money to spend on the gas to aimlessly drive around until their infant falls asleep? Not me!

Nothing works better than holding her. It still is crazy hard at times considering she still may scream in your face for several minutes. Talk about frustrating. 

I am currently awaiting my Moby Wrap to arrive. It will hopefully allow me to have both hands free so I can contiue with house hold work and console my daughter at the same time. I hope this thing works because it is definitely a last resort for a momma who was hoping to teach her daughter to console herself to sleep every time she goes down but can't because the little bean has colic :/