Count Your Blessings

So I had every intention of beginning this post with a picture of the plaque hanging above my kitchen sink. The title of this post is exactly what it reads. And it has been a great reminder of how in these long weeks of feeling inadequate, crazy enough to be admitted, angry enough you understand just how fleshly you are and are able to relate to those parents you see on the news, blessings still abound underneath it all.

Zoë may scream until daylight is gone. She may need way more TLC than most babies. She may scream at me angrily when it doesn't go her way (yes, I believe a baby this age is fully capable of having wants and trying to demand them).

My flesh may not want to be responsible 24/7 for a child solely because I want me time without interruption. My anger may start to boil in response to her anger or my inability to console her. Fatigue may overcome me.

And yet if I don't take the time to count my blessings, I get lost in the negative, never to gain back all the blessings I could have been cherishing. Just to name a few:

• As for now, Zoë has no health issues - every well-check we have been told she is 100% healthy. For that matter, our entire little family is healthy!
• Ben works his tail end off to ensure we are cared for
• My amazing husband also desires for me to stay home with our children so he works 2 jobs just to pull that off (oh are we ever praying God will provide one job to do the trick!)

Those are the three "biggest" blessings in my life right now. There are too many to count aside from that and I didn't think anyone would really want to read them so I count over them at different times of the day. Doing so brings me back to the reality this phase in Zoë life that seems to make my hair stand on end will be short lived. As long as I can spend time throughout the day, especially in the hard moments, reminding myself there are way more blessings and each difficulty will bring about good if I allow it that is a good day.

It's helping me to learn that a "good day" can't be based off of how crummy it may seem. Am I breathing? Am I healthy? Can the same be said of Ben and Zoë? Are our needs met? If I can answer those questions with a yes, then it was a good day. Now you will still probably hear me say it was a good or a bad day. Old habits die hard and that's not one I'm really feeling the need to kick, especially with out culture and the way we communicate. But what I am aiming for is trying to remind myself that good on my terms isn't necessarily good on God's and aiming to see life through His eyes.

Sorry for the rambling. That has been on my chest and needed to put it in writing.