Parnoid much?

Well, I am.

I didn't realize it until I had Zoë, but I am. It has slowly creeped its way into a quite escalated place in my mind. Thankfully, God has given me ample of positive opportunity to either not live with it controlling my decisions or to where I simply isolate it to the corner of my mind as though it's not there. So thankful for his grace in that.

However, I find myself paranoid about getting in a car accident with Zoë in the car. Or wondering if she has some developmental or mental disability because she is a bit more spastic in her movement than other babies her age. (Way too early to be worrying about that, considering she isn't showing any signs of a disability. Not to mention, unless it's congenital, they aren't normally noticed until the child is around 2 or 3 years of age.) Shoot, I even admitted my paranoia of people following me while they're driving. Granted this (see the answer to #3) situation is what led to that, but still.

Apparently, I live in a perpetual fear of many aspects of my world. Fear of situations I have little to no control over. Fear that could be washed over with peace as long as I give it over to Christ.

Though I'm not relishing in the difficult aspects of parenting, God is slowly molding my heart showing me how, for his glory, it is making me into who he desires for me to be. The areas of my life being exposed would have either never been or taken years to have light shed on them sans parenting. I'm learning to be thankful for the difficulties I face, knowing that it is in those moments God is able to perfect me most, to teach me to depend on him in everything.

Sometimes I'm still suprised by how much I've seen myself grow in just six months.

Parenting is a serious refining tool.

Learning Contentment in the Now

Content adj. happy with one's lot; satisfied

This is so big for me right now. Here's why:

• I became a mom way before I thought I would be and, selfishly, was not ready to give up many of the things I knew being a good mom would require
• I always knew I wanted to stay at home once I had kids, but what I didn't think was my husband would be required to work two jobs demanding him work 60+ hours a week for this to happen
• I really want an iPhone or Smart Phone and find myself thinking about wanting one way. to. often.
• I love to eat out. I don't know why. It goes against my very nature of...well, I'm more of a baker than a cook...so never mind that. But I do really enjoy eating out. A lot. That's not really in the budget. A couple times a month, possibly, but one to two times per week...that would require I work or the hubs to aquire job #3. Not. worth. it.

However, what really got me thinking about contentment is my 2nd bullet: Ben's job.

You see, I've been thinking and praying a lot about how much Ben has to work while hoping God would provide a sole job to provide the way the two jobs do now. If it provides beyond that would be an extra blessing. I just am hoping for a solitary job to do exactly what the two are currently.

Just a few minutes ago I was thinking about that again. Probably the 645,209,300,000 time for me to do so. But as I was thinking I began wondering: is it possible for me to really hope for one job to do the trick and still be content with where I am (this is what got me thinking about my other bullets)?

As I pondered it a bit, I realized that I actually am getting to a place of contentment with where we are. God has and is teaching both of us a lot because of our current circumstances. He is stretching us in ways that would never have happened had Ben always had one, normal (by normal I mean 40 hours/week with minimal overtime, week nights and a majority of weekends off) job.

Yet, being content where I am, does not stop me from hoping that God will one day allow our family to have a more normal schedule. A schedule where my husband will be able to be more involved in his daughter's life. A schedule that would allow for him to spend time with guy friends on a more consistent basis. One where he feels a bit more free to have alone time.

Though I'm sure I will be spending more time thinking about the other points I wrote down, it was almost a healing balm to realize contentment does not quelch hope, they can almost go hand in hand.

Memory Monday v.13

I want to cherish for a lifetime...

...attempting to build a puzzle on a table that was several inches smaller than said puzzle.

So my hubby took off from both jobs to spend my birthday with me this past weekend. He also asked my mom to watch Little Bit for a few hours so he could take me out for a peaceful evening.

One of his ideas for the evening was to buy a puzzle and work on it for a few hours (we both really enjoy the challenge of a good puzzle). He originally had wanted to work on it at a park, but the weather was way too hot and humid to enjoy doing that. So we decided to buy the puzzle and find a table at the Starbucks in the Barnes & Noble.

However, every table was a small, two-person round table. With a 20x20 inch puzzle, a small round table isn't very ideal. We decided to try it and make a game of it.

Let me tell you, it was funny and frustrating all in one and made a great memory of us digging through puzzle pieces. It also made the building process much more difficult because 1) we couldn't lay all the pieces out flat and 2) we had to build from the corners in. Well, I guess we could have just worked on getting any pieces to fit, but unsecured corners meant pieces on the floor because they fell apart if moved 0.00000000001 mm.

Good laughs were had. A great memory to have made!

Another 5QF

Holy Hallelujah! It's Friday, you guys! And tomorrow my sweet hubby took off of work so he could spend it with me for my birthday :) So excited considering we rarely get a "normal" Saturday. I guess that's one of the reasons I'm so pumped about today being Friday. Normally, it means nothing for me. But today, IT DOES! hehehehe I'm like a giddy...yeah I have no idea. I'm just giddy!

Anyway, my mind is bouncing off every wall, so I'm gonna participate in the lovely 5 question Friday with Mama M. Feel free to click the button and join in yourself :)

1) How long did it take for you to find your wedding dress? (Wedding dress pics anyone?) I happened to be one of those who decided to "just go look" with my mom and found the one the first time. We went a month after I got engaged. Be ready for several pics :) (with commentary of course!)

Dress # 1 Front

Dress #1 Back

LOVED the beautiful simplicity of this dress. I absolutely loved the beading. But...this just wasn't the one. Pretty but not for me :)

Dress #2 Side view (we didn't take one of the front, but I think you can get the idea form this)

Dress #2 Back

So my mom made me try this one on. I know people LOVE the mermaid fit. But I can't stand it on me. I can't walk. And I'm not a huge fan of curves being accentuated in that way on myself. We both agreed this DEFINITELY WAS NOT THE ONE!

Dress #3 Front

Dress #3 Back

Dress #3 Back closeup

So I loved the detail on this dress. I actually liked that it tied in the back. I loved how "flowy" it was. However, a different dress won out.

Dress #4 Front

Dress #4 Back

So this was originally what I thought I would get. At least, it was what I liked in the magazine. Tried it on. Thought I looked like I was kind of wearing pjs. No offense to anyone who wore this. That's just how I felt.

Dress #5 Front

Dress #5 Back

Ummm...yeah. Not for me.

Dress #6 Front

Dress #6 Back

It really seemed like some elegant pjs to me.

TADA!!!

This dress = SO ME! Even my mom thought so, but refused to tell me until I made my decision. We left, I slept on it, went back to try it on, and knew I was right. It. was. perfect! Here, I'll throw in some alteration fitting pics too :)

So simply elegant. Love the way the fabric is pulled. The neck line. The low back. Ahhh...MY DRESS!

The back. Loved how it has the piece of fabric down the middle.

The back all bustled up :) I thought it was so pretty!

This is how I had my hair done for the wedding. Wanted to see what it would be like with my dress and give my stylist some practice so it would be perfect for bridal portraits :)

Oh how I love my shoes :) Yes, I did wear these on my wedding day! Most comfortable shoes :)
2) Somone in your vicinity releases a NASTY smelling fart. Do you say anything or blow it off? Ok well, that depends. If it's someone I don't know - I generally don't say anything or whisper it to someone if I'm with someone (i.e. at Walmart). If it's in my home or with my family, heck yes I'm gonna say something!
3) What is the scariest thing that happened to you or scared you recently? Golly...I startle easily, but I can't really think of anything that scared me. I can think of the scariest thing that has happened to me in the last ten years: My sophomore year of college I was out with my roommates. We were driving home on the interstate when a car started tailing me. I am NO FAN of tailing and can get kind of mean when people do (aka I frequently break check them). Well, I was able to move into the right lane, so I signal and do so. However, the crazy person slows down and gets behind me. Then he starts flashing his lights at me. So I speed up. So does he. He starts honking his horn at me. Continues to flash his lights at me. Tails me. Even after multiple break checks. I can't get rid of this guy.
Ends up he follows me 13 miles down the interstate. Since I lived in a small, college town I figured he exited because he, too, went to my school. I drive the way I normally would but this dude just wouldn't leave me alone.
We called some friends, who were in a car a bit behind us, to tell them what had been going on. They advised we head to our normal destination, but if the car followed us to not park.
We do so and the guy wouldn't leave us alone. When we set in stone that this guy had been following us for at least a good 15 miles, we called the campus cops. They advised we drive to their station, hoping the guy would follow us. However, he was a bit too smart, figured we would at least be passing the station, and bailed. We didn't get a license plate so we couldn't file a complaint. 
Needless to say, I am a very paranoid driver when it comes to cars going the same way I do and seemingly doing what I do. Never been followed again, but I just can't forget that.
4) Favorite brand and flavor of ice cream. Blue Bell Moolenium Crunch. Hands down.
5) Are you able to sleep well in hotels? Hmm...I think so. It honestly depends on the bed and the pillow :) If the bed isn't stiff as a board but not that soft and the pillow isn't too hard or too large, then yes. (Man, that makes me sound really picky about sleeping quarters.)
There you have it folks. Ended up being a much longer post than I expected. Happy weekend to you all! The next time I post I will have grown one year older :)

Half a Year?!?!

My, oh my, has time flown by! I mean, seriously, it's been half a year since I was graced with my sweet blessing?! I daily cannot remember what I did the day before and rarely know what the next day will bring. What I do know is I wake up to a sweet, kicking, full of energy little bundle every morning.

Her personality is shining through more and more. And the more time I spend with her, the more I am convinced I have a little Diva in the making. Girl has got sass, you guys. However, my mom frequently reminds me that it's much easier to raise a child who speaks their likes/dislikes, comforts/discomforts, needs/wants and have to train them in the correct way to do so, than to have a child...well, like I was: extremely happy, not a care in the world, seemingly "everything is truly fine" mentality. When really, I was holding it all in. Waiting to implode once I arrived at college (Though I haven't gone back to read them, some of my first blog posts were out of the struggles that ensued during that wonderful *cough*NOT*cough* time. I may post more on that one day).

Anywho...

Yeah. She says it will be much more easy to work with toning down than to work to bring it out :) I believe her. She raised four of us.

Even with all that said, Zoë is such a sweet, sweet baby. She does fuss, but usually only as a communication tool. She loves her mommy and daddy. She cuddles all the time. She loves to laugh, though I struggle to capture it on camera because as soon as she sees that little black magic box, she stares at it. Doesn't matter what she was doing. That interesting looking object has got every. last. bit. of. her. attention. She will scream at you if you do something she doesn't like or did not agree with. She is also learning object permanence (I think I mentioned this in one of my last posts) and so we're having to work with her on handing back objects that she can't have at that moment (i.e. no toys during dinner). For the most part asking her to give it to me and thanking her when she does so works. Yet, every now and then she pitches a fit over and we have to work with that.

Well... I guess I should post 6 month stats considering that's pretty much what the last paragraph was becoming :)

By 6 Months you were...

• in a size 3 diaper, though it looks huge on you because you are at the bottom of the weight range for them and you're more on the long side than the round side
• At the doctor today you weighed 16 lbs 12 oz and you measured 26 1/4 in. Your height has come down to the 75th percentile and your weight has stayed at the 75th.
• eating 2 solid meals/day. You have tried avacado, green beans, carrots, butternut squash, rice cereal, and baby oatmeal. You LOVE avacado and butternut squash. You are ok with carrots and green beans. You tolerate rice cereal and I'm not sure about the oatmeal because we've only given it to you mixed with your fruit or vegetable. You had some tummy issues with the oatmeal at first. After waiting about a week to try again, once you had finished some heavy duty teething, you did just fine. You just can't have much.nYou're eating 1 ice cube size portion per solid feeding plus the rice cereal or oatmeal (about 1 1/2 Tbsp total).
• Your feeding schedule is actually being changed around currently. You were on an every 3 hours with a solid feeding after your first feeding and between your last 2 awake feedings, but have started getting closer to 4 hours stretches. You still have a 10 pm dream feed, but you're starting to either nurse very little or completely refuse, so my guess is that will be gone in the next few weeks.
• Rolling from tummy to back and back to tummy. However, you only do each one one way. It's over your left shoulder, so your left arm is always under you when you roll either way.
• You make your way around the room by spinning circles on your tummy. You do like to let me know how frustrated you get because you can't crawl yet. It's really cute to watch you reach for an object you want, stretching and grunting as much as possibly, willing the force to be with you (that's what your daddy says, anyway). Unfortunately, it doesn't work and you tend to fuss over that.
• You are still a chronic 45 minute napper. I'm hoping, as we really establish a good routine with solids and stretch you to a four hour schedule, this will change. I'm actually letting you talk to yourself in your crib right now because you refused to nap this morning and didn't go down for this one until 12:30, which means you were awake for 5.5 hours, and are now awake at 1:15. *sigh*
• You were able to sit all by yourself for the first time this past Tuesday. Normally, you work really hard just to stay up by supporting yourself with your hands. Not really sure what changed, but all the sudden you were waving your hands around (the cute way you always do) and keeping your torso upright. Made mommy proud :)
• You pull your knees up under you quite a bit. Unfortunately, you're not quite sure what to do and many times find yourself scooting backwards. Not at all what you were aiming for, which tends to lead to some fussing on your part and attempts to encourage you on mine.
• You are wearing 6 month, 6-9 month, and a few 9 month clothes. Unfortunately, the 6-9 month onesies we have are only slightly bigger than 3-6 month carter's brand so you will be wearing clothes that it too big for a while :)
• Just in the past week you have started laughing with no exterior explanation. It is the cutest thing and so sweet to my ears. I love to hear you giggle!
• When you really, really like someone, you give them sweet eyes and a shy smile. This means that you squint your eyes and get this little gleam in them (sweet eyes) and will smile but immediately bury your head into the chest of whoever is holding you.
• Your eyes talk for you a lot. It is the most capturing thing I have seen. That someone so small can communicate so verbally with their eyes amazes me.
• You smile on your own initiative. You love to do this to mommy and daddy, especially if one of us is holding you. If I'm holding you, you search for daddy, and vice versa, and then smile. SO. STINKIN'. CUTE!!
• You reach for objects and have become a master at grabbing them.
• You have cut your two bottom teeth but they haven't moved up enough to see them when you smile, yet. You are also working on your top, left, front tooth.

I think that's about it. At least I think it is and don't know if I left something out (and yes I know I say this every month, but it's the honest truth.).

Sweet Zoë,

I can't imagine life without you. There are many wonderful days as well as many trying days. Your personality is coming out more every single day and I'm loving discovering who God made you to be. I still can't believe you're 6 months old! You've graced us with your presence for an entire half of a year.

Your sweet laugh, precious smile, and bubbliness melt my heart. You truly are pure sweetness :)

I love you baby girl!
Mommy

P.S. Today was quite a long day (as in, a lot of activities) so pictures will have to wait. I will post them eventually though.

The Bug that Killed Me

...or so I thought it would.

Let me start here: I thought I would share a story with you, my readers, because as I was feeding my little girl dinner tonight, a fruit fly decided to enter the picture. Dangerously close to going in her little mouth. I laughed at the thought of her possibly eating said bug as I swatted it away.

Why did I laugh? I mean, she's a bit young to be swallowing bugs. 6 months old tomorrow to be exact. A little young to be laughing about it right?

Well, I couldn't contain the laughter. Mostly because it reminded me of the story I'm about to share.

You see, when I was, oh...somewhere in the neighborhood of early elementary (6ish. 7ish. idk), I was outdoors playing tag with some of my friends. The weather was lovely, for a Baton Rouge almost summer day, and there was nairy a cloud in the sky. The area we were playing in had a few trees, but you don't need those to grow bugs around here.

Anyway, as I was running to our home base tree, I was squealing in delight. This, of course, means my mouth was wide open. I was little girl. How could I not?

And then I saw it. Way too late. A huge bug (after remeniscing, I've concluded it had to have been some type of beetle) was flying straight for my face. As I realized what it was, I felt some horribly hard, large object become lodged in my throat.

"Oh no!" I thought. "That HUGE bug just flew down my throat. Oh my gosh! Oh my GOSH! OH MY GOSH! I'M GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!" (No lie! That is what I thought.)

I never told anyone, because I just KNEW I was going to die. I was too afraid to admit to someone that in the next couple of days I would be no more. And I certainly didn't want them to confirm it.

HAHAHAHA!!!

I stil laugh at myself for thinking that. Here I am, almost twenty years later, and nothing to show for it. Never had a problem after.

Oh the simple mind of a child. I'm sure I will have such lovely stories like that to share as Zoë grows. At least, that is, if she shares them with me and gives the ok to post. Otherwise they will be recorded in her special paper & ink journal :)

Our First Library Storytime

I so wish I would have brought my camera. Maybe that just proves I'm no photog. haha

Anyway, it was so fun watching Zoë interact with all the babies. The more she is around them the more she begins to open up. She's been around two of my friend's babies, who are around her age. For the most part, she sits and stares at them. Not much for the interaction.

However, when we sat down just before storytime started, she started talking to the other babies. It was really cute to watch her as she would do her own thing, in her own little world, and suddenly realize there were other babies to interact with.

She is also more of aware of an objects permanence. She cried when the librarian took the book away to show another child.

The little bean is growing. I can't believe she turns a half a year old this Thursday. :(

Alas, no brick will stop her. The only thing it will do is put a big ol' dent in her skull and I don't want to be responsible for messing up her pretty little head.

*sigh*

Memory Monday v.12

I want to cherish for a lifetime...

...this moment right now. The way you started giggling for no reason, gave yourself the hiccups, and then started laughing at yourself with the hiccups.

Sweet Zoë, I was sitting on your daddy and mine's bed when, out of the blue, you started giggling. No reason. You were just happily bouncing away in your johnny jump up (by the way, I love how much you enjoy that contraption. You can spend hours in it).

And then I heard you.

I look up to see you bouncing while smiling at me and giggling. And nothing was gonna stop you.

I'm not really sure how long you laughed but it was long enough to get me laughing with you. And to keep laughing.

You are precious, baby girl. Your personality comes out more and more every day. I am so blessed to be your mommy.

Love you, sweet pea!

Getting in the Groove

As I start thinking of what the year has to bring, I'm beginning to realize I can somewhat look at a school calendar to get an idea of when the activities I'm involved in will be "off".

Kinda weird.

I haven't had to relate to a school calendar in 4 years.

Yeah...just a bit strange to me.

So anyway, this week kicked off both of the activities I'm adding to my life: Lapsit with Zoë and Moms.com, which is a weekly bible study for...you guessed it: moms :)

Unfortunately, due to the lovely Isaac sitting over our area for a few days, I missed the first lapsit. This is a reading program the library puts on here. I'm excited about it for two reasons:

     1) I LOVE reading to Zoë. She enjoys when we read together, too.

     2) I have always enjoyed reading. I can't remember not loving it. I want to pass that love on to my little sweet pea.

I'm hoping by going to lapsit we will be able to make new friends while also beginning to instill a love of learning and reading in Zo Zo. I hope I'm not building it up more than what it is but I'm pretty sure that's the reason the program is in place anyway. Who knows. Next week we shall see :)

Ummm...my brain is being really slow, it's getting really late, so I'm just gonna have to punch out and come back to finish this later in an other post.

OH - before I check out: I received an anonymous comment. A truly anonymous comment. As in, it didn't even go through Disqus. I'm not really sure how anyone can bypass that. Any help here? I know my older sister has had problems with it, but I'm not sure we ever found the answer to that. I also know my bloggy friend, Laura, started using Disqus to avoid completely anonymous comments (anonymous to all but her since Disqus requires at least an e-mail address). But, this person did it. I can't even respond to them and they asked me a question. So, any advice on how to not all comments that can't be replied to?

Adios!

Wordless Wednesday v. 4