Parnoid much?

Well, I am.

I didn't realize it until I had Zoë, but I am. It has slowly creeped its way into a quite escalated place in my mind. Thankfully, God has given me ample of positive opportunity to either not live with it controlling my decisions or to where I simply isolate it to the corner of my mind as though it's not there. So thankful for his grace in that.

However, I find myself paranoid about getting in a car accident with Zoë in the car. Or wondering if she has some developmental or mental disability because she is a bit more spastic in her movement than other babies her age. (Way too early to be worrying about that, considering she isn't showing any signs of a disability. Not to mention, unless it's congenital, they aren't normally noticed until the child is around 2 or 3 years of age.) Shoot, I even admitted my paranoia of people following me while they're driving. Granted this (see the answer to #3) situation is what led to that, but still.

Apparently, I live in a perpetual fear of many aspects of my world. Fear of situations I have little to no control over. Fear that could be washed over with peace as long as I give it over to Christ.

Though I'm not relishing in the difficult aspects of parenting, God is slowly molding my heart showing me how, for his glory, it is making me into who he desires for me to be. The areas of my life being exposed would have either never been or taken years to have light shed on them sans parenting. I'm learning to be thankful for the difficulties I face, knowing that it is in those moments God is able to perfect me most, to teach me to depend on him in everything.

Sometimes I'm still suprised by how much I've seen myself grow in just six months.

Parenting is a serious refining tool.

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