Holding Me Up

"Find You on my Knees" - Kari Jobe
Troubles chasing me again,
Breaking down my best defense, I'm looking, God, I'm looking for you Weary just won't let me rest and fear is filling up my head. I'm longing, God I'm longing for you

[Refrain] But I will find you in the place I'm in, find you when I'm at my end, Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness. You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty, When I am weak, when I am lost and searching I'll find you on my knees.
So what if sorrow shakes my faith, What if heartache still remains, I'll trust you, my God I'll trust you. 'Cause You are faithful and
When my hope is gone, when the fear is strong When the pain is real, when it's hard to heal When my faith is shaken and my heart is broken and my joy is stolen, God I know that
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,

You can watch the music video here.

I find myself praying these words. Praying that despite amidst all the emotions I feel with being a new mom that God will be by anchor. That though my heart is feeling the loss that comes with this amazing newness He will be in the midst of it all guiding my every step so that His glory will shine through. That while I'm on my knees in the midst of all the changes life is bringing currently I will find Him there.

Being a mom is hard in these new days. I have a wonderful daughter who is honestly a very content baby. Easy compared to some. And yet I find myself overwhelmed with sadness from the changes this has meant for my relationship with Ben. I even find myself selfishly angry as I grieve over my loss of freedom. Some grief over the loss is normal but I am definitely battling flesh. I also find myself feeling very alone. The days are monotonous and very isolating. Even being around people does not change this loneliness.

Oh what a wonderous place God has me in! That I continue to seek and find Him in this place is my longing, my hope. This is where He wants me. May I find Him here.

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