Long Week

Umm...I think the title is an understatement.

3 1/2 days of almost nonstop screaming. With Zoë not napping properly either (well, that kind of goes with the idea that there was nonstop screaming...I mean she wasn't screaming in her sleep. HA!).

Colic + Growth Spurt = "What was that again? Where am I? Did I eat? I think I fed Zoë...GOD PLEASE HELP ME!"

God was gracious in that she continued her normal routine of nightly sleeping (for the most part). At least, I was in bed by 11:30 most nights and she slept 'til her MOTN feed, which is typically somewhere between 2:30 and 4:30, and then went back down 'til her 7:00 am feed. He could not have been more gracious to my exhausted mind, spirit, and body!

It is weeks like this I am ever grateful God asking us to follow Him completely isn't measured, AT ALL. There is no time card to punch in and out on for time in the word. There is no report card or a poster where a certain color sticker ranks how you've done. He wants all of you, yes. Every moment focused on Him; absolutely. But there is no measurement for what that looks like. Time with Him can be crying out to him (in my case silently many times since silence is bliss around here) to sustain me when I feel like I could check myself in and toss Zoë out a window before I leave to do so.

I'm just being honest here, folks.

I love Zoë more than words will ever be able to express, but with that love comes the extremes of both sides of emotions. The pretty, happy snap shots where I couldn't be more excited because she smiled at me (melt my weary, tired momma heart!) and the ugly, flesh-filled anger and selfishness because I can't handle her hours of screaming or don't care to be completely responsible for another human being, really anything else.

Gah, there is so much God desires to teach anyone waiting to listen through parenting. I'm seeing it on a daily basis. In myself. Boy are there areas being chipped away at little by little just through Zoë's life beginnig.

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