Today I'm linking up with Holly Gerth and other women who have joined her on the journey of dreaming God-sized dreams. I am so excited to see how God uses this as I trust Him in this beginning of opening my heart more than I've dreamed in a long time.
I dream. And then I stuff them under a pillow on or in the box hidden in my closet or back in the far reaches of my top cabinet. Any place I can forget them.
All so that I won't be disappointed again. Disappointed because I realize my life took a different turn than what I had dreamed. Disappointed because I don't feel "normal" and I don't know how to get to "normal". (Just what exactly IS normal, anyway?!)
And that's when it hits me.
Many times those dreams, they aren't really the God-sized dream I thought they were. They were meek attempts at selfishly trying to build the life I thought would be grand. And honestly, I thought I wanted. And normal. It's being exactly who God created you to be which is completely different from the girl next door and your mother and the elderly lady who talks to you at the grocery store.
Normal IS different. And unique. And special. Normal is who God designed you to be.
And who God designed me, and everyone else, is a dreamer. Even if that dream starts as something so very small. And He can grow it. Or He changes it to turn it into something even more beautiful than what I imagined, not because what I dreamed wasn't His, but because He is a Creator who has a will to do just what pleases Him and at times changing my path to Him from where everything started, well, that is what pleases Him.
And so now I dare to dream.
I actually happened upon Holly Gerth's blog the day they released, and were giving away the Kindle e-book, her book The "Do What You Can" Plan. Though I'm not quite getting to it every day like I hoped, I'm still staying on track and keeping in mind the small mustard seed I'm aiming for right now.
And let me tell you, before I even tell you what God directed me to do, it kind of scared me.
Scared me that I wouldn't see the fruit of the smallest part of my dream come true. (For those who aren't reading it, Holly talks about down-sizing your dream. Too much detail to explain here, but it makes a lot of sense and makes it seem a bit more realistic.) Scared that maybe I'm crazy for wanting what I'm aiming for in this world where I'm surrounded by what I'm trying to weed out of my life. Scared to let go of what I am, because I actually feel I have to do this at times.
So you wanna know what I'm aiming for? You may laugh when I tell you. But I feel it should be shared. And may encourage someone who has been wanting to do the same but can't seem to find the resolve to do it.
I am asking God to open my heart to His dreams. And I felt led to begin in this way: that my tongue be bridled of explitives I so easily allow to be said.
Please understand my heart in this: I am in no way judging someone who doesn't feel convicted to do the same. I, however, for a very long time have felt it pointless, unedifying, and somewhat degrading of me to use them. I'm not really sure why. And so by my being unsure of why, I'm pretty sure I can say it's a prompting of the Holy Spirit.
And when He prompts, I sure hope I am always ready to jump on board.
You see, the bigger picture of this dream is that He would heal me of my critical spirit. That I would be prone to encourage and when what I have to say or what I am thinking is not constructive, whether positive or negative, it would be shut down. Completely. With no room to embed itself in my heart, mind, or soul.
RIGHT OUT OF MY BOOTS!
Do I believe He wants to see me accomplish this?
And so despite the horror I feel when I think about how hard this will be to tackle, I will not be overcome.
"You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world[!!!!]."
1 John 4:4 NASB
What is your God-sized dream? Do you dare to dream?
He most certainly wants you to!