Praying for Him: His Reputation

So, honestly, some weeks kind of feel like a repeat of the last. Or that they are so, so similar it's almost like I've already been praying for this. I don't know if I just think a little differently than Omartian or I just don't have as much experience in praying for my husband, but either way, I almost lag in praying for the weeks topic in Ben's life simply because I find it repetetive.

So I find myself just praying for Ben. Whatever seems to come to heart.

This isn't because I don't care about his reputation; it is completely the contrary: I really care about his reputation. When something happens that seems to possibly taint his "record" it brings worry and prayer to the forefront of my mind in that area for Ben.

However, I think I stepped into reading this with the expectation that each week would be something completely new and not be so related it feels like I'm just praying for the same thing over again. And oh how expectations can ruin situations in a jiffy! If I'm right on the money, Satan is trying to use this as a ploy to stop me in my tracks of praying for Ben.

Thankfully, that has yet to happen. Yet, I really need to remain on my guard, making sure that I don't find myself complacent in praying just because everything is going rather smoothly at this time.

While I don't have much to say about praying for your husband's reputation (or a close friend's or your own) this week, I do think that I'm looking forward to being done with this series because then instead of working on just the chapter I'm in that week, I will feel a bit more free and have a bit more knowledge to pray over whatever area God seems to be saying is in need in that moment. Not that I'm not free to do so now, I just won't be commited weekly to a certain topic of prayer.

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On May 1st, I began this journey of praying for my husband using Stormie Omartian's Power of  a Praying Wife. I have always felt that praying for my hubby should be at the top of my list, yet I seem to really do it consistently or, better yet, to know how. Somewhere at the beginning of the book, Stormie suggests taking a 30 day challenge and praying through a chapter a day. I tried and failed, because, well, let's face it - life with a toddler changes constantly and some nights still turn into sleepless ones. So this series was birthed as a way to hold me accountable, spread the time frame a little more (and if you read all of them you will note that it will end up being longer than 30 weeks), and help me to "journal" my thoughts as I take this journey. Enjoy!

Week 1: Intro     Week 2: Starting with Me     Week 3: His Identity     Week 4: His Treasure

Week 5: His Sexuality   Week 6: His Hugs, Kisses, and "I love you"s  Week 7: His Achilles Heel

Week 8: His Battlefield  Week 9: What Cripples Everyone  Week 10: The Passion Inside

Week 11: A Confession  Week 12: His Choices  Week 13: His Health  Week 14: His Protection

Week 15: His Trials  Week 16: His Integrity

An Enjoyable Weekend

So I had to post about this weekend. Mainly because my mom came into town and we really enjoyed ourselves.

Friday night was low key. We went and tried out a mexican restaurant that recently opened down the way. The owner seems to be a professed Christian as scripture is everywhere. (Even on the towing sign, you guys! I wish I had a phone that takes good pics! Ha!)

Zoë was so excited her Gigi was here and kept saying it all afternoon and then kept asking her to do stuff with her while she was here. (I must make note: Zoë's version of "Gigi" is this mouth closed version because she can't say a soft "g" sound, only a hard "g".) Of course, Gigi spoke Zoë's love language by bringing her a book; it happened to be her very first Curious George book.

Gigi being an elephant. Zoë had joined in but moves a little too quickly for me to capture it. There were elephants at the zoo, of course!

[image source]

Saturday we ran to some stores my mom wanted to stop at. We happened to pick up Zoë's very first step stool. I think it's so stinking cute! She won't really use it much yet, but as she's starting to show an interest in where we go to the bathroom and wanting to wash her hands (mostly because of the BUBBLES!), we went ahead and bought one. I love it sheerly because it fits right next to the toilet, but if we want it folds in half, practically flat, and she'll be able to carry it by the time she's 3 or 4 to anywhere she needs it very easily.

While we were out, my mom and Ben enjoyed doing this Bungee jump thing at the mall. Zoë laughed while they went up and down and Daddy looked like he was going to hit the ceiling. Poor dear wanted to get on once they were done :( She loves to bounce. (Does me telling you that she's always jumping in her crib when we go to get her in the morning or from a nap say anything to you?)

Zoë also showed us just how much she is loving her new found confidence in walking as she will walk anywhere we are, not just at home. She walked through most of the Katy Mills Mall without tiring! Of course, she napped really hard as soon as we got in the car. Didn't even wake up when we ran into TJ Maxx for a minute or once we arrived home!

The rest of our Saturday was spent hanging out, eating an early dinner at Johnny Carino's (I think I could gain several pounds from eating too much of their bread. OMG!), and watching "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" with my mom. She's currently going through the entire series on movie so it was fun to watch it with her as we're both avid Harry Potter fans. I don't think she's ever read the books, but maybe we can convince her too. :)

Though my mom had to leave around 10 on Sunday, she didn't leave without having some fun dancing with Zoë! Zoë got all divafied with some sunglasses Ben brought home from his works lost & found. (They'd been there since before Ben has been managing the store, which is coming up on a year.)

Then they danced around the living room for a bit:

(Pardon the blurry/fuzziness. My manual mode is messed up on my point&shoot, thus this is how movement is captured :/)

Zoë didn't stop asking for "Gigi" once she was gone. Made my heart sad that we don't live somewhere my mom can be more involved. Though she doesn't understand that Gigi had to go home yet, I think it's going to make it even harder when my mom leaves because she'll really get that it will be a while before she sees her again.

We all enjoyed our time with my mom/Gigi!

15 Weeks [A Bumpdate]

How Far Along: I am 15 weeks and 5 days. 170 days until I'm 40 weeks.

Baby's Size: 4 inches long from crown to rump (about the size of a navel orange) and weighing a wopping 2.5 oz. (Hey, that's up an entire ounce from last week!)

Baby's Development: If I can produce a baby with hair (Zoë had practically none for several months and to break the wonderful myth of lots of heart burn = lots of hair, yeah. Tons of heartburn. No hair.), Little Bean's hair is starting to grow and is producing pigment if they have dark hair. If I could see inside my womb, I would be able to see the devloping blood vessels under their translucent skin and I may see them suck their thumb :)

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Well, I don't have a scale at home and I won't see my OB until later this week, so all I know is that at my last appointment, I had only gained 1.5 pounds total.

Food Aversions (and "no nos"): Same old same old. You can see my 14 week Bumpdate for details.

Gimme' some of that!: NADA! Nothing sounds good. Still having to force myself to eat.

How I Feel: Umm..I still feel really tired. Nausea isn't as bad as it has been, but I still have some really tough days thrown in there where I can't go without Zofran. Boo! Needless to say, the whole "2nd trimester, 2nd wind" saying? Nope. I prove that one false too!

Maternity Clothes: All the time. Every now and then I just really feel like being in "comfy" clothes (read elastic waist exercise shorts/pants and a t-shirt) and so I'll rock the "my torso is too long to wear this when I'm pregnant" look. (read: my shirt rises and the bottom sticks off my belly leaving a gap. Don't worry, I always wear a maternity cami underneath. And I stay indoors on those days unless I just have to get something from the store.)

Movement: Yes! Yes! Yes! Let me tell you, though the nausea sucks, it's a little easier to be reminded it's for a purpose when I can feel my little one moving inside. It's actually been neat because this baby loves to push into me as much as possible (if I'm laying on my right side it's pushing in there, vice versa for left), and because of the difference in how it feels, Ben has been able to feel where the baby is! (For my own memories sake here: it sort of worries me that he's already been able to feel the baby...like I'm starting to wonder if we missed a second baby in there. But my mama heart just tells me that I have an excessive cuddler on my hands. And that I will loathe my rib cage and pregnancy as soon as we start running out of room.)

Sleep: Aside from one night where I couldn't go back to sleep after a bathroom wake-up call at 3:30, my sleep has been awesome. Of course, I'm having loads of wacky pregnancy dreams and even had one that left an awful taste in my mouth and a really icky feeling in my heart...like people not being nice and confrontation and all that jazz. 

What I Miss: Being able to eat and enjoy food. I want to actually enjoy what I'm eating. To want to eat and not worry about it leaving me nauseated after; there is still no rhyme or reason as to what will or won't leave me feeling awful afterwards. I'm also missing not worrying about crossing my legs (I get terrible swelling starting at 20 weeks and have already noticed my veins telling me they're on overload ;/) and not limping like I did something to my hip. This happend when I was pregnant with Zoë too, but I guess my right sciatica overroad memory of that. (Ben is the one who tells me I had problems with my left hip not popping back in place.)

What I'm Looking Forward To: Hearing my baby's heart beat this week. It's always a sweet sound to my ears to hear the thumping of the life growing inside of me. 

Favorite Moment of the Week: This may start to get old if something like this happens every week, but Zoë came up to me, pointed to my belly, and said "Baby" (pronounced: bay bah) followed by a huge grin up at me. I asked her if she'd say "hi baby" and she immediately looked at my tummy waved her huge "hi" while she smiled and then said "hi baby". Then she kissed my tummy. Oh she is going to be such an awesome big sister!!!!

Frankly Friday [v. 9]

(Linking up wtih Amy from Taking Steps Home) :)

Let me be honest up front: if you have had a miscarriage or are TTC and traveling the journey of infertility, this post may be difficult for you to connect with. However, I want to remain a open with my readers as possible and because this is what has been playing in my mind a lot lately, I felt the need to hash it out, even if only for myself.

For those of you who are new here, I had a miscarriage back in March. (You can read all the posts I've written regarding this here.) Though that baby was a complete surprise and the timing of everything wouldn't have been so great, I had already experienced the blessing of a God-planned baby rather than my own. And I still can't imagine life without my little Zoë. (Who isn't so little anymore. :/)

Thus I quickly accepted the new life within me. I readily embraced it. I had my moments where fear tried to take hold of me, but I chose to cling to the truth of Psalm 127:3-5, "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies at the gate."

And then I lost the baby at 7 weeks.

I was devastated. Shocked. Angry.

There were so many emotions that encompassed the loss of the little life within me. Even to the point that I almost didn't want to think about getting pregnant again. I didn't want to resurface the discussion Ben and I had been having before we found out we were pregnant - trying to maybe get pregnant closer to the fall. The fear of losing another baby was too real, too raw. And I knew all too well how much control I had over whether I would be pregnany full term or not - none. Nada. Zip.

That thought made me toy with the idea of never trying to conceive again.

And then, we were slightly surprised to find out we were pregnant. Again.

And though I slowly found myself warming to the idea of welcoming our 3rd into our family, I found some other strange emotions floating around in my head and heart.

For a while I couldn't quite put my finger on them, but the more I tried to figure it out, the more I realized what it was. And I found myself a little shocked, but at the same time sort of not, with what I was feeling: I wasn't completely ready to embrace the life I'm currently carrying because I still wanted to be carrying the one I was supposed to greet come November.

Maybe I'm alone in feeling this. Maybe someone who has had the same happen with them can relate. And because of some comments I've heard from others who have miscarried and then welcomed a life that was conceived not long after the miscarriage, I am hopeful that in time the Lord will help me to see the full beauty of the short life of my child born to heaven on March 20, 2013. I am hopeful that He will allow me to completely embrace this child growing within me.

But for the time being, I frequently find myself wishing I was further along. Wishing that I could know the child who I shared my body with for only a short amount of time.

While I really do find myself wishing that, I simultaneously hate myself because it means that I'm subconciously wishing away the life that I've begun to feel move within me. It makes me feel heartless.

But in reality, I wish that I could know, here on this earth, both babies. (No...I'm not asking for twins. The idea of two complete infants at the same time scares the patooties out of me.) Maybe that's why I find myself wishing that I was still pregnant with our second, because something in me thinks that if I was, then after that baby was born, I would later become pregnant with the one I'm currently carrying.

Yet, I am not God. I have no idea if that's really how it would work.

And in the midst of all these crazy jumbled thoughts I'll realize that by dwelling on this desire, I'm losing opporunity to pray for the life currently in me. I'm missing out on the opportunity to connect and care for my Little Bean right now. I missing out on praying that God would allow this child to be used for His glory and that part of that would be this LB would come to know Him at an early age.

My dwelling on the past and feeding on the desire for it to be different steals from the here and now. It doesn't allow me to fully depend on God. It keeps me from enjoying and seeing God working in my life now. It also doesn't allow me to see how He has worked in my life in the past. Nor does it help me to look to the future with the hope I have of eternity with Him.

It is a tactic straight from the pit of hell. And at times, though I hate to admit it, it has fully worked.

This isn't the only situation this has or can be used in. Really, anything we face that has a similarity to the past can find you in this place. Sometimes there don't even have to be similarites to find yourself wishing that wherever you are in life was a little different.

However, I hope that I'm learning and will store away the lessons I'm learning from this situation: you should learn from the past, but once you've learned what you can from them, that is as far as it should go. Trying to change the story that God is weaving will only leave you missing out on the now and missing out on being in the center of His will.

I don't know about you, but I really don't want to be anywhere else but the center of His will. Yes, my flesh desires at times to win out and I find myself wanting to just live life how I want, but I've already been there and done that, it is not fulfilling one bit. It is empty. It doesn't leave me with the peace I have when I do choose to whole heartedly seek God. It doesn't give me a heart that is still in the midst of turmoil because I know that when I'm fully seeking God that trials will come but they are a refining tool to make me more into Christ's likeness.

And so I encourage you: seek His face whole heartedly. If you find desires to be other than where you are creeping up, ask Him to change your heart. Ask Him to silence those desires so and to open your eyes to the story He is weaving in your life.

I'm not perfect, but I am hoping that this lesson will never leave the forefront of my mind. Or that when it seems to stray, God quickly brings my mind back to Him and how changing my story is asking to not be in His will.

Sharing the Cuteness

I just thought I would share with you some of the cuteness that runs around my home.

I mean, look at that. How can you not just want to squish her?

Thinking really hard with the cutest little pony tail. Oh how I love her!

And I just can't get enough of all. those. CURLS!

How could I not share the cuteness? (I think I need to hit publish before I decide to not share it with anyone and keep it all for ME!)