Coffee Drinker Classifications

I was sitting down with my cup of joe the other amidst all the hustle and bustle a 13 month old can produce at that time of day when I laughed to myself.


Well, because my husband and I frequently reference the difference in our "style", if you will, of coffee drinking. For many people, they may have thought this as well. It's nothing new to most of us who frequent shops dedicated to the beverage or who make in our own home on a regular basis. But since I was thinking about it, as well as finding humor in the fact, I thought I might share a bit of my thoughts.

Coffee Drinker Classifications

  1. "Oh mah gosh! That is of Satan!" Anti-coffee - Let's start with those who avoid it at all cost. It's true. Some people can't even stand the smell. They look at those of us who can hold a cup of it with an evil eye as though something just might have possessed our inner being. There is no way on the planet you will catch them near the stuff. Or so they think. (We lovers just sometimes have a way with them and bring them over to...the dark side, shall we say?) Oh and by the way, please note they are not labeled a drinker in any sort. They can't be, so we won't give them the priviledge which they are probably grateful for. (Oh but one day! Just maybe they will wish they had never been titled an anti-coffee drinker.)
  2. Pseudo-Drinkers - These are the people who may or may not actually drink this gift of God but they like the smell so much that sometimes you will catch them sitting in a shop, with or without a cup of it themselves, just to enjoy the aromas wafting about. Kudos to them for not completely avoiding this wonder, but it's a shame they aren't completely on the dark side. They're missing out on a little piece of heaven, in my opinion.
  3. Pseudo-like-it Drinkers - My husband would fall under this classification. He doesn't hate it, but he is in no way attached to it for the taste. He only wants it if  it's going to benefit him in some way (aka it better have caffeine and enough to give him a boost).   He looks at me with a wary eye whenever I ask him if he wants coffee. And the next question from his mouth is always, "Is it decaff?" If it is, he's going to decline. Every. time. That's ok with me. He at least isn't against the stuff and isn't complaining when the aroma is filling our home. In short, this classification isn't against it but is only ok drinking it if they will be benefited by caffeine. They could care less about the taste. (Unless it's just a bad cup of coffee.)
  4. Codependent Drinkers - These are your true love-the-taste-but-MUST-HAVE-CAFFEINE drinkers. They're not sure they could survive without coffee and the caffeine boost it gives. They must have both. I'm pretty sure we'd see them crawling the floors like Zombies if caffeinated coffee "POOF"d away one day. They're not quite sure how to survive without it. Kind of like those who drink coca-cola or some related type of beverage 24/7. 
  5. All-Around-Love-It Drinkers - I'm pretty sure I would fall into this classification. I love the taste of coffee. So much so that when I can't have the caffeine, I will drink plain decaf. (Let me clarify: my body reacts negatively to too much caffeine so I generally can't drink it every day or my body starts getting the shakes and I start acting ADHD. Also, there are meds you can't drink caffeine with - the antibiotic I've been on is that way - and some pregnant people can't tolerate it, of which I was one.) People in this category may or may not drink it black. There are preferences here, people. Many, many options. But no matter how it comes, you're going to bet we have a cup of it in our hands because we love the stuff. Sometimes multiple times a day. It's. just. that. good! The aroma. The taste. All of it. We just don't know what we'd do without it, but we're not compeltely hooked to the caffeine that we'd only look half away if we couldn't find us a cup. Though, those of us in this classification can sometimes fall into #4 as well. (Let's face it: caffeine is addictive and if you drink coffee enough, eventually if you started as a #5 you may possibly also fall into #4.)
  6. Coffee-Fanatic Drinkers - These are the people who love the stuff so much they try to find out everything about it. They have several methods of brewing. They're always looking for a new to way to fix it. They want to know the ins and outs of coffee as much as possible. They may or may not decorate their home with works that are attributed to this beauty. You may even find they are a barista or have been one once upon a time. Yes, there is no doubt, these are the people who dearly love coffee and everything there is about it. They trump all of us other coffee drinkers when it comes down to the wire.
Thus you have Coffee Drinker Classifications.

Where do you fit into on the Coffee Drinker spectrum?


  1. I'm not sure which one i fall under.
    I love the smell.
    If done right, i love the taste.
    But i don't need it every day. ha.

  2. I fall into category 1. And I'll never be found in any other category haha. I promise!


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