Praying for Him: His Fatherhood

*I want to preface this post by saying that I may or may not properly communicate my support in Ben's fathering. I would not rather any other man to be the father of my children. He loves fiercely and truly wants what is best for our kids and wants to parent in a way that fosters growth in our children. My goal is to support him in this, but I am tire and pregnant. Please ask if you have any questions or it seems I am doing anything but supporting him.*

If there is one area I cover both myself and Ben in prayer in it's our parenting. More than anything I want our parenting to guide Zoë, and any other kids we might be blessed with, to God. To set a foundation that is open to her questioning and helps her start to listen for God's voice in her life, hopefully hear His call early in life.

What I didn't realize, somehow overlooked with all the fears of failure I feel as a mom, was how even if he never voices them, Ben feels just as many fears and worries about being a horrible dad as I do about being a mom. There was one quote that really opened my eyes to how much I should pray for Ben's fatherhood: "Thoughts of failure and inadequacy are what cause so many fathers to give up, leave, become overbearing from trying too hard, or develop a passive attitude and fade into the background of their children's lives." (p. 138)

And though Ben is a far cry from being any of what that quote depicts, I have found myself asking that God would give him truths and constantly remind him that he has a perfect Father who desires to see him succeed in his journey of fatherhood. A heavenly Father who isn't looking for perfection but a desire to do what is right and to live as Christ.

I have felt the truth that Ben is the perfect father for Zoë and any other children, biological or adopted, we are blessed with resonate in my heart and give me a passion to cover his fatherhood in prayer. (I'm throwing adoption out there because we're open to it, but right now are unsure if that will happen.) He is exactly the father God designed our children to have, and as such, is the father they need because of his many assets, despite the failures he will have as a father. And so I never want to see him give in to Satan's tactics which are designed to lead to him giving up, however it may look, on raising his children.

And so here is what I encourage all women to pray for:

• Married with or without children: if you desire to have children or you already do, pray for your husband's fatherhood. Ask God to give him the wisdom that comes only from Him so that he might positively influence your children, leading them to the foot of the cross simply through how he loves your children.
• Single but desire to be married: pray that, should He grant your request to be married, the man intended for you would walk with God daily and that through that God would prepare his heart for whatever children He has in store for you. Starting now is the a great way to help you continue to do so should God answer those desires.
• Any other woman not covered by those two categories (sorry, those two stuck out to me with more specific ways to pray over the fatherhoods of men): pray that every man on this earth granted with the opportunity to father a child would seek God first and imitate Him in the way they parent their children.

As for myself, I will be covering both my parenting and Ben's parenting in prayer, asking that we seek His wisdom in every aspect so that we might teach our children to live at the foot of the cross.

___________________________________________________________

Here are the rest of my posts from this 30 week series I've done on praying for my husband:

Week 1: Intro     Week 2: Starting with Me     Week 3: His Identity     Week 4: His Treasure

Week 5: His Sexuality   Week 6: His Hugs, Kisses, and "I love you"s  Week 7: His Achilles Heel

Week 8: His Battlefield  Week 9: What Cripples Everyone  Week 10: The Passion Inside

Week 11: A Confession  Week 12: His Choices  Week 13: His Health  Week 14: His Protection

Week 15: His Trials  Week 16: His Integrity  Week 17: His Reputation  Week 18: His Priorities

Week 19: His Relationships

18 Weeks [A Bumpdate]

How Far Along: I am 18 weeks and 5 days. 149 days until I'm 40 weeks.

Baby's Size: Little Bean is about 5.6 inches in length, which is about the same as a sweet potato. They've also gained a few ounces now weighing approximately 6.7 oz.

Baby's Development: Though their ears have been externally developed, this week their bones are starting to harden, of which the inner ear bones are the first. That said, LB is probably starting to hear sound. I hope they heard the many "I love you"s said to them this week :)

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Well, we'll find out in a few weeks, but for now all I know is that my total is 6 pounds. If I had to guess, I'm going to say I will have gained about 4 pounds by my next appointment, totaling 10. But...won't know until I am weighed at my 20 week visit.

Food Aversions (and "no nos"): Still no BBQ. Please, let's stop the convo there. Aside from that, I've been able to reintroduce cucumbers, watermelon, apples. Pretty much the foods that were fine and then not are all ok again. Yippee! Also, I can only handle small bits of vinegar/acidic food. Olive oil and vinegar with salt and pepper on tuna? Yeah, I might as well be choosing to be sick for at least a good 6 hours. Yummy balsamic dressings? About the same as too much vinegar. And by "too much vinegar" I'm saying I can't have more than the little bit I get from eating a tiny baby pickle. Sensative to it much?

Gimme' some of that!: Nope. Not yet.

How I Feel: Really starting to feel like myself like I'm healthy again. The nausea is almost next to none. Just small bits here and there, mostly noted when I can't sneak in food. I wonder why I have trouble remembering to eat? Oh wait! I'm chasing a toddler. Ha!

More for myself than anything - I am already struggling with swelling. I can't stand for long periods and I have to prop my feet up to keep it at bay if I am able when I sit. This started at 20 weeks with Zoë so for this LB it's about 2 weeks sooner.

I'm also struggling with what I believe to be circulatory issues in my right leg only. There is a pair of maternity shorts I can't wear because the demi (below the belly) band is now, apparently, too tight (I'm unsure if it's because it shrunk, I've spread out more [I know I haven't gained weight in that area more than the expanding of baby], or a little bit of both) so that it causes a huge discomfort and my veins to bulge in my right leg. However, my leg becomes uncomfortable and the veins bulge after standing, as well. I'm under the belief that part of this is caused because of my epidural. I didn't have this problem with Zoë and my right sciatica never went away after. Not sure, but I'm going to discuss it with my OB at my next visit. I'm really hoping I don't hear the words "compression hose". 

Maternity Clothes: Yep. All the time. I'm really wishing that I had a reason to wear my scrubs. If I find out that I can't wear my demi band pants I may just have to use that as my excuse for scrubs. 

Movement: Feeling more on a daily basis. And I'm loving it! This LB seems to move in a "graceful" manner the same as Zoë did in utero. I have felt some little kicks and elbows here and there but I think it's more of "I'm trying to get comfy" because it's never drawn out much. May also be that it's still a little early to feel "every" movement. No clue. Only time will tell.

Sleep: I've been sleeping like a log this week. Thankfully. I'm having trouble waking up in the morning  and I struggle to keep myself awake at night so I go to bed at a decent hour and ensure that I'm not waking up before there is light out and not being able to go back to sleep. I am having to get up 1-2 times a night, but I generally fall right back to sleep.

What I Miss: Being able to easily get comfortable. This may sound horrible considering it will only get more uncomfortable, but I really can't find that "sweet spot" for comfort. I feel like I have to move every few minutes to allow blood to flow differently and my legs to not get achey or a hip to not get too much strain from being stuck in one position.

And call me crazy but I also miss my morning time to myself before Zoë is awake. Getting up before her and having time to spend with God and read and blog were all morning activities I enjoyed doing prepregnancy. However, I know my body is tired because it needs the rest to provide LB with what they need to grow, so I don't try to fight it. I just will be trying to get back to some kind of routine like that as soon as the newborn fatigue has kind of become "normal" enough that my body won't be in shock from me choosing to get up before 7.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Finding out the gender of the baby. I know many people say they "can't" not know, but honestly, if I didn't care about being able to pray for my child by name, I'm pretty sure we'd be a "surprise" couple. Wait until baby arrives to hear the words, "It's a ________!" I just love the extra touch of connection being able to pray for my little one by name (and gender specific, at that) BEFORE they are born. It meant a lot to me with Zoë and I am certain it will be just as meaningful with this baby. (I still hate the fact that I can't pray for my angel baby by name.)

Favorite Moment of the Week: Ummm...I'm honestly not sure. Time just seems to fly by. And I'm doing my best to soak up my moments with Zoë where she is the only child I have. As excited as I am about her getting to be a big sister and us growing our family by one, part of me is sad for the changes I know it will bring. Part of me knows I will miss the focus I am able to give her. The attention that can be bombarded by nothing if I turn off all electronic devices ability to notify me of anything incoming. And I don't really have to fight for that. I will want to fight for it with each of my kids, but I hate knowing that I will have to fight for it. However, maybe that means it will mean more in hindsight. I don't know. That's just where I am right now.

17 Weeks [A Bumpdate]

*I'm posting this because I didn't want it to get lost with drafts or accidentally deleted. I skipped posting this last week in effort to shed light on "mourn[ing] with those who mourn." This truly is more for my records and knowledge in the future.*

How Far Along: I am 17 weeks and 5 days. 156 days until I'm 40 weeks.

Baby's Size: Little Bean has grown to about 5.1 inches (roughly the size of an onion) and weighs approximately 5.9 oz. 

Baby's Development: This week the LB has mastered a few simple reflexes: swallowing, sucking, and blinking. They may even have a bout of hiccups, and if they're anything like Zoë was in utero, I will feel them a lot the last half of the pregnancy.

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Man, answering this really makes me want to get a scale so I actually know how much I've gained to date. Of course, it's only in the first half of the pregnancy that I have to wait every 4 weeks. Anyway, all that to say is I only know I had gained a total of 6 pounds at my 16 week appointment. 

Food Aversions (and "no nos"): Still absolutely no BBQ! I struggle to even listent to people talk about it much less smell it or be forced to eat it. I've found that I've been able to tolerate some of the foods which were a problem for my stomach a bit better: watermelon, peas....that's all that comes to mind.

Gimme' some of that!: Still no cravings that stick around so that I go searching for it. I randomly had a short craving for Frosted Flakes. Not really sure why, but hey! At least I'm starting to want to eat.

How I Feel: MUCH better! The morning sickness isn't completely gone, but I've finally gone a week without Zofran and the dry heaving is much less and definitely farther between bouts. YAY!

Maternity Clothes: All the time :)

Movement: More and more. It makes me so grateful each time because every day is one day closer to not losing, but gaining this life. A day closer to the possibility of it joining my little family come February.

Sleep: This week I have slept really, really well. Maybe I just need to take more weekend trips that don't allow me to nap. Ha! Even Zoë has been "sleeping in" 'til 7:30.

What I Miss: Wanting to eat. Still have to force myself to eat on a consistent basis to keep nutrients provided for my body and the baby. Also, I miss my back not hurting daily. And knowing it's bound to only get worse just makes me hope that stretching and staying active will help alleviate some of the discomfort.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Another day passing, another day closer to greeting this little life, holding him/her in my arms, and allowing us to warm one another.

Favorite Moment of the Week: Feeling my little one kick me for the first time. It was almost a light tap, like something jumped inside me. A reminder that (s)he is still growing within.

Praying for Him: His Relationships

If there is one area I have truly spent time praying for my husband, it is in the area of relationships: that he would be surrounded by godly men and seek out relationships with godly men.

I don't say this to pat myself on the back or toot my own horn.

Honestly, I say this because I know the importance of relationships. Period. Which, coming from someone who frequently wishes she would have listened to her hermit-like inner-voice, is saying a lot, in my opinion. (Though you can take it all worth a grain of salt if you'd like considering I just promoted my opinion there. It was on accident, however. I digress.)

How do I know the importance of them? Because I have lived where I really didn't have any friends and then I have been blessed with friendships that I'm pretty sure I will have until the day I die. The latter is extremely rare as well as lots and LOTS of HARD WORK! I'm not saying the hard work is bad, but it most definitely takes putting myself aside, trudging the nasty waters of conflict, and learning to accept all of a person. (And YES, my friends have to do the same for me for it to work. Not saying I'm an easy person to get along with. In fact, I know I'm not an easy person to get along with.)

Choosing friends who will build you up is important. And it's imporant for your spouse, too.

Thankfully, I saw a quick answer to my prayer asking for great relationships when we moved to Houston. I knew that friendships can take a lot of time, even for someone who is as outgoing, sociable, people-oriented as Ben. (The guy doesn't know a stranger, okay?) Even all that being said, I wasn't under any ideas that we would get to Houston and Ben would just start connecting right off the cuff.

However, it wasn't but a few months we'd been here and he was meeting with one of our pastor's and another guy weekly. I was shocked, to say the least, but I was also extremely grateful God had already provided for him. I knew that Ben building a foundation was important because I knew that men struggle with building deep relationships since 1) they are men: men are typically not emotional like women and thus don't typically build great relationships very easily, and 2) relationships with other guys, good relationships, are put on the back burner because of the demands of their career.

I didn't want this to happen. So I prayed.

And when I sat to write this post, the realization of just how quickly God had answered my prayer hit me. I'm even more grateful now.

All of that to say, I encourage you to continually seek God's guidance in your marriage or relationship with your significant other, if you are in either life phase, but also to ask Him to build healthy relationships for you and your spouse daily. (And yes, if you aren't even dating yet, you can be praying that your future spouse is already surrounded by great, healthy, godly relationships.)

___________________________________________________________

Here are the rest of my posts from this 30 week series I've done on praying for my husband:

Week 1: Intro     Week 2: Starting with Me     Week 3: His Identity     Week 4: His Treasure

Week 5: His Sexuality   Week 6: His Hugs, Kisses, and "I love you"s  Week 7: His Achilles Heel

Week 8: His Battlefield  Week 9: What Cripples Everyone  Week 10: The Passion Inside

Week 11: A Confession  Week 12: His Choices  Week 13: His Health  Week 14: His Protection

Week 15: His Trials  Week 16: His Integrity  Week 17: His Reputation  Week 18: His Priorities

9/11: May We Never Forget

[image source]

I will never forget that day. Where I was: Sophomore year of high school American History - first period. What I was doing: taking notes as my teacher lectured. And how when we found out one of the World Trade Centers had been hit by a plane, we stopped what we were doing, and turned on the radio. Shortly after we found out our Librarian had turned on the Library TV. It was just down the hall. So we left to watch the news.

I watched live coverage of the second tower being hit. I was in so much shock I just stared, face in my hands, dumbfounded at the screen.

I really don't have words.

It still catches my throat and brings tears to my eyes.

What I can say is I hope we never forget the bravery of men and women who gave their lives that die. May we never forget how police officers, fire fighters, first responders didn't bail on their job that day, many giving their lives. May we never forget the "average" citizen who fought against the terrorism that day. May we never forget the event that affected so many families, causing them to lose loved ones.

And may it evoke within us a sense of pride for our nation, doing everything in our power to help keep it strong, to maintain the freedom that so many have fought and died for so that we might enjoy.

Never forget.